This is the thread where we place things that sound like sex acts. You are welcome to attempt descriptions of said sex acts.

Mitt Romney.

Dokken

Bob's Burgers.

For some reason I'm imagining some sort of hemorrhoidal massage / tonguing.

This one may be a little too obvious

Stump grinder

Every weekday on my way home from picking up my daughters from school, I drive by a farm with a "Stump grinder" sign out front. Cue George Takei's "Ohhhh myyyyy" soundbite here

On that note:

Auger

also

Pommel Horse (probably is one)
Floor Exercise
Pole Vault
Three Alarm Fire (erm, blowjobs/-lingus and chili peppers?)
Antiques Roadshow
La-Z-Boy Recliner
Trump Tower

Poutine

Obfuscation.

It's an ancient skill, passed down through the generations. Involves subtle use of the tongue. Recipient gets that "What just happened?" feeling.

A Jean-Luc Picard.

This starts with a shaving of the balls. Once baby-smooth, one of them is grabbed and squeezed with enough oomph to give the old fella a tingle. This ball is tugged upwards to look like a bald head.

The recipient of the JLP must now repeatedly plead to 'make it so', until a digit is wrapped around his prostate and warp speed is fully-engaged.

There's an estate sale company out here called The Rusty Trunk, which totally sounds like a juvenile sex-act description.

"So they ended up giving me the old rusty trunk. Oh man, that was intense!"

enframed wrote: Fri Apr 01, 2022 9:15 am

Pommel Horse (probably is one)

from Urban Dictionary:
"Pommel Horse
The sexual act of a smaller man taking charge of a larger woman.
Resembling an Olympic gymnast straddling the two "love handles" and swaying his body about in a routine. Depicted as a straddling motion. Applying only to men because the pommel horse is only for male gymnasts. An endearing feat requiring a upper body strength and stamina.
Guy # 1: Wow look at that big and tall sized woman.
Guy # 2: Yeah I wouldn't mind giving her a pommel horse and straddling her buy her love handles."