Damn these are good.

EDIT: I edited this out of strange paranoia and now I regret it.

It basically went like this.

Went out with trampy girl. Took some ecstasy. Drank Jagermeister shots. Came home. Had sex. Blacked out. "Came to" in her bathroom with some shit in my underwear. Couldn't figure out what the fuck was going on/where I was and why was I trying to wash my undies.

Nevertheless, she didn't find out and no one knew except me. You'll see that Arson Smith had some problems with my story and that it wasn't embarrassing enough. He might be right.

Whatever. I feel lame for trying to edit this. Either way, shitting in your pants is embarrassing. Even if nobody finds out.

full point wrote:Anyway, I go back to sleep naked and when I wake up she's enthused about me being in the buff and we proceed to do it again (I actually felt fine by this time). She never knew anything!

Hmm - so let me recap:

- got high
- had sex
- sorted out a little mess in the restroom
- had sex again
- didn't get caught or found out ("She never knew anything!")

Yeah - totally embarrassing... how do you live with such shame and embarrasment?

I'm just sayin'... there's a big difference between a story like this:

"So right as the cop is asking for my driver's license, the radio starts blasting that song 'Fuck The Police!' by N.W.A."

and a story like this:

"Then my radio totally started blasting 'Fuck The Police!' - lucky for me there weren't any cops around for miles!"

C'mon, Arson. Don't do me like that.

I've only read two of the posts so far and so I want to add this and move on.

I was walking to the coffee shop and I was crossing the street while sneezing at the same time. It is impossible to cross the street andsneeze at the same time.

No emoticons-ban them

full point wrote:C'mon, Arson. Don't do me like that.

...

I was only trying to share. sheesh.

Hey - true. Didn't mean to sound like a prick, but still I think when you don't get caught/discovered then the story is "a kickass near-miss" moreso than "an embarrassing act"... but you were indeed trying to share, which is more than I have done so far in this thread... (still trying to think of a funny one).

Salut! and no hard feelings I hope...

This one needs some embellishment:

full point wrote:Damn these are good.

...

I finally get things in some sort of order and after determining that the smell was the least of my worries I head back to the bed. What to do with the undies though?? Keep in mind that they are still relatively shitty (and damp!) and there wasn't anywhere that I could've deposited them without them being noticed (she had roommates).

Well, I figure I could just roll 'em up in a nice tight ball and put them in my jeans which, up to this point, were in a bunch at the end of the bed. She wouldn't notice them in there......

Anyway, I go back to sleep naked and when I wake up she's...

..throwing a fit because she's just found your shitty undies in her jeans, which were in a bunch at the end of the bed.

Now that's an ending!

OK, this isn't my story so I'm cheating a bit but we are talking embellishments, it belongs to the mighty Joe Mask and it refers to an unsavoury crusty guy from leeds who was once spotted defecating over a chair at a house party. Anyway.
He got himself a date with a girl in Bradford and so was on his way to take the train. However, much cider and black the night combined with nerves and guess what? (it's not hard is it considering stories so far?) He shat himself quite spectacularly in Leeds town centre.
He ran into the nearest clothing store, picked up jeans and pants and (by now hysterical) pushed his way to the counter to pay as quickly as possible without the stench hitting anyone.
He got into a bit of a tussle at the counter as people objected to his pushing in but he got through it and made his train.
As soon as he was on board he locked himself in the toilet, hoisted down the window, hoisted down his shitty pants and trousers and ceremoniously threw them out of the window into the Yorkshire countryside.
He then opened the clothing store bag to get his fresh trousers.

And found a small ladies cardigan.

He accidentally picked the wrong bag up at the counter.
To really make this story work it needs Joe to slip on a ladies cardigan as a makeshift pair of trousers to demonstrate how he got out of the situation.

The day I moved to London (about 10 years ago) with my friend Ian, I was supposed to spend the day looking for a job and then stay at Ian's sister's house in Chiswick that night. Being the wasters that we were/are, we decided against looking for a job early on and headed to Camden for a drink. After a few hours we realised that it was the day of the Camden Crawl (an annual event that features loads of bands playing in loads of venues all over Camden. These days it's been taken over by the major labels, but back then it was a cracking do, with decent bands). It soon became apparent that we were in Camden for the duration. After a good 10 hours of boozing and watching off kilter indie rock, we decided it was time to knock it on the head and try and get to West London and our beds.
So we're sitting on the tube and I'm really worried about being pissed up and missing our stop and I mistakenly jump out at Hammersmith without realising Ian hasn't followed me, and he trundles off into the distance flicking me the Vs and laughing his head off. This is my first night in London, remember. I was really quite drunk and didn't know where the fuck I was.
It was about this point I realised I really needed a shit. I walk out of the tube and all the pubs are shut and all the McDonalds (usually my first port of call when I need to shit) are shut, but suddenly I see my saviour! A Superloo! (for those that are unaware of Superloos, they're like a public convenience crossed with a vending machine. Use your imagination.) In I go, and after a complicated, yet ultimately satisfying deposit I realise there is no paper. i decide on a course of action I had never considered before or since. Off with the shoe and make use of the sock.
It was at this point that the emergency "open door after 10 minutes" function kicked in, just as the Hammersmith Apollo the Superloo was located next too was turning out the evening's 5000 strong crowd, each of them passing and looking at me as I struggled to wipe my arse with a red football sock.

Welcome to London.

BadComrade wrote:I can't think of any embarrassing stories of my own, so I'll share one of my mother's:

She was leaving a grocery store once when a person approached her with a collection can. Reaching in to her purse, my mother said "Here, this is for the animals."

The woman with the collection can's mouth fell open, with a mixture of disbelief and disgust on her face.

My mom didn't understand the woman's reaction, until she re-read the side of the can. She thought that it said P.A.W.S. but what it actually said was P.A.D.S.

This one happened to me the other day. There's a guy who sits outside my friend's workplace and plays sax. I think he's pretty good, I am waiting for my friend to come out so we can sit and have a beer somewhere and I strike up a conversation. We chit chat and whatnot, I tell him I'm waiting for my friend. Guy is actually pretty cool and I invite him to come sit at the bar with us and have a drink if he likes. He says 'yeah allright I can go for a beer' My friend comes stumbling out drunk as piss already and walks past me and says 'Every fucking day I have to listen to you blow that fucking horn and I'm sick of it! you blow that horn like you suck cock you motherfucker!' and turns to me and says 'lets go' and starts marching off to the bar across the street. It was very embarassing and uncomfortable, I had to kind of try and laugh it off but he just gave me the 'fuck you' eye and turned away.