* I am related to Howard Hughes

* My left testicle is fucking minature I tell you

and in addition to my 'meeting John Peel with shit in my trousers' revelation. the bassist in my old band once queued up to meet Prince Charles and just as he was about shake hands his phone went off. He answered it and it was John Peel. He had to say
"sorry John, erm...I'm about to meet Prince Charles"
to which peel replied
"bloody hell"

Proud family history:

I am a direct descendant of Ben "The Tall Texan" Kilpatrick of Butch Cassidy's Wild Bunch gang.

I am also a direct descendant of General Judson Kilpatrick.

Both men were insane, of questionable morality and notorious whoremongers.

My grandfather helped invent some kind of device that measured nuclear detonations from hundreds of miles away through seismic activity. The labratory at which he worked had a direct line to Eisenhower's office running at all times.

My meager accomplishments:

When I was 10, I tried to make a flamethrower and ended up setting my right leg on fire. I had 2nd and 3rd degree burns, yet I did not cry (until several days later when the "cleaning" process began). I'm kind of a badass like that.

John K., the creator of Ren & Stimpy, recently told me a joke with the punchline "Mexican pussy lips."

My downstairs neighbor once congratulated me on my apparent sexual stamina as heard through the floorboards.

My undergraduate mentor is a reoccuring character on the show King of the Hill.

Connor

connor wrote:Proud family history:

I am a direct descendant of Ben "The Tall Texan" Kilpatrick of Butch Cassidy's Wild Bunch gang.

I am also a direct descendant of General Judson Kilpatrick.

Both men were insane, of questionable morality and notorious whoremongers.

...

My undergraduate mentor is a reoccuring character on the show King of the Hill.

Connor

so you must be a descendant of whores studying under tom petty, who plays the character lucky. am i right?

that damned fly wrote:

connor wrote:Proud family history:

I am a direct descendant of Ben "The Tall Texan" Kilpatrick of Butch Cassidy's Wild Bunch gang.

I am also a direct descendant of General Judson Kilpatrick.

Both men were insane, of questionable morality and notorious whoremongers.

...

My undergraduate mentor is a reoccuring character on the show King of the Hill.

Connor

so you must be a descendant of whores studying under tom petty, who plays the character lucky. am i right?

I'm confused. What are you talking about?

I sold live bait and lemonade as a kid. As a teen I bailed hay, picked rock (way awesome), and cut down trees. I weigh 128 pounds and beat a 220 pound skinhead arm wrestling in front of his friends. i have big hands.

BadComrade wrote:Now that we know who are all full of themselves...

yes. hello, how are you?

Linus Van Pelt wrote:I exert an attractive force on every other object in the universe that is inversely proportional to the square of the distance between us and directly proportional to the product of our masses.

no WAY, dude! so do i! COOL!
(this is my favorite post in this thread so far. though fucking the therapist comes in a close second.)

also, everyone, i write short stories. mostly, my stories consist of crazy, crazy shit like this. would anyone be adverse to my using any of this in a short story i may or may not write in the future?

and for the record, all of my posts in this thread have been true.

In 1998 I met the drummer for Modest Mouse. I said, "Hi, my name's Braden." He said, "So."

Man did that make me feel special and cool!

EDIT: I mention the year because it wasn't as if the band were hugely popular at that point. In fact, it was when they were still opening up for good bands such as Built to Spill.

hiredgeek wrote:I weigh 128 pounds and beat a 220 pound skinhead arm wrestling in front of his friends.

now, there's something to brag about.

nicely done.

Braden wrote:In 1998 I met the drummer for Modest Mouse. I said, "Hi, my name's Braden." He said, "So."

Man did that make me feel special and cool!

EDIT: I mention the year because it wasn't as if the band were hugely popular at that point. In fact, it was when they were still opening up for good bands such as Built to Spill.

Modest Mouse sucks.

I once walked from here to here over the course of four days... alone... because I felt like it.