13
by Charlie D_Archive
Reginald-Female (Reggie for short) and Dr. J (Will you get the fuck out of the way for short).
Reggie is obese and when not clawing the hell out of your blue jeans in the most inappropriate of places she will simply put a paw on you. When not found on the couch annoying you for a good petting, Reggie can be found curled up on the subwoofer, her favorite spot.
Dr. J is a stupid prick. He is hyperactive and likes to roughhouse. He doesn't seem to mind when you do your impression of the old guy from Cool Hand Luke who keeps saying "That's my baby boy, Luke", in fact it appears as though that's one of the few things he responds to. He also enjoys tripping people.
If you would like one or both of these animals, send me, oh, about $10 and write my girlfriend a very nice letter assuring her that the animal in question will not come to harm, but, really, I understand that you would be under legal obligation to me to not eat them.
But, Charlie, why sell such wonderful animals? you ask.
Well, it was around the time Dr. J developed the habit of following me into the bathroom to watch me pee that I decided his lease is up, and since Reggie is no more than a glorified paper weight with legs (which I don't need as all of my paperwork is done away from breeze) I figured it's time these two did something productive around here: get sold!
PM me with an offer*, and keep it on the down low.
*Not really.