kenny: chewing gum the substance

j.b.: sunflower seeds

j.w.: red man leaf tobacco
===============
kenny: chewing gum, the activity

j.b.: making some serious progress with a q-tip whilst cleaning one's ear canals

j.w.: picking your teeth with a straw
===========
now kenny:

ben-gay

or:

owning an acre of land in the middle of the woods, with no house on it or decent roads leading to it. basically, you have this acre of land in these beautiful evergreen woods, but it's a royal pain in the ass and hard on your car to get up there. and there's nothing on it.

tmidgett wrote:now kenny:
ben-gay

Just Better: A warm bath
Just Worse: Ice cubes wrapped in a paper towel
or:

tmidgett wrote:owning an acre of land in the middle of the woods, with no house on it or decent roads leading to it. basically, you have this acre of land in these beautiful evergreen woods, but it's a royal pain in the ass and hard on your car to get up there. and there's nothing on it.

Just Better: A similar acre with lakefront access on one side.
Just Worse: The same acre after a forest fire.

Now please kenny:
Goulash
or
Mother's Day

tmidgett wrote:owning an acre of land in the middle of the woods, with no house on it or decent roads leading to it. basically, you have this acre of land in these beautiful evergreen woods, but it's a royal pain in the ass and hard on your car to get up there. and there's nothing on it.

This Kenny is so great to me. Salut, Mr. Tim!

Just Better: Meeting a nice, beautiful girl whom you later discover to be devoutly religious
Just Worse: Having a very, very attractive female cousin

Kenny: My last haircut, which was a very bad haircut and has taken a very long time to grow out.

kenny: bradley's bad haircut

just better:large breasted woman giving you the haircut, you know so her breasts are kind of rubbing the back of yr head
just worse: people trying convince you to put a lot of "product" in yr hair

kenny: using guilt to get people to see yr band

K: using guilt to get people to see yr band
JB: Having no band
JW: Living in a town where no dancing is allowed (e.g. "Footloose").

Now maybe the Kenneth:

Successfully faking your own death

the Classical wrote:kenny: using guilt to get people to see yr band

Just Better: Using guilt to get people to attend your girlfriend's birthday party
Just Worse: Using guilt to get head

Kenny: This article that appeared in The Onion.

Jesus H. Christ in a chicken basket.

kenny:successfully faking yr own death

jb: going to yr own funeral
jw: going to own funeral and finding out that no one really liked you

kenny: calling yr wife/girlfriend/significant other "brah" or "dude" in public

the Classical wrote:kenny: calling yr wife/girlfriend/significant other "brah" or "dude" in public

just better = wearing sweatpants in public
just worse = a heavyset couple holding hands in public while wearing matching shirts



Kenny this:

- your boss comes up to you right after lunch on a warm weather Friday and says, "You know it's pretty nice out there, you should go home."

kenny: calling yr wife/girlfriend/significant other "brah" or "dude" in public

there's nothing better than that

i call my wife dude all the time! it's the best.

Jesus H. Christ in a chicken basket.

j.b. jhc up on the cross, for this is where he belongs, or so i am told

j.w. the concept of the kick-ass jesus, as is popular nowadays. listen, i've read the fucking bible, or at least a lot of it. jesus ALMOST NEVER KICKED ASS! if you believe everything you read in the bible, which is asking a lot. i mean, he kicked those money-changers out of the temple. and, uh, i think he didn't really kick people's asses much beyond that! so--you want to believe every word in the fucking bible? go for it! knock yourself out! but keep your sadistic, "walking tall" bullshit fantasies to yourself! leave jesus and/or the concept of jesus alone, you JACKASSES!

thx

Successfully faking your own death

i know someone whose husband did this, but he felt guilty so he called her later

so...allow me to do this despite it having been done

j.b. s.f.y.o.d. and keeping your mouth shut about it

j.w. s.f.y.o.d. and screwing up your ex-loved ones' insurance settlement by blabbing

kenny?!?!?!

borders bookstores

or:

gatorade

K: Gatorade

JB: Aspergum
JW: Thirst-flavored Life Savers (see Big Black tour diary)

Would you mind terribly doing the Kenny:

Edward Gibbon