kenny!
having a week of feeling like you've already eaten lunch at every establishment located
within a reasonable distance of your workplace

JB - realizing that the key is to find the place with the best polish sausage, and eat that every day for two weeks
JW - feeling like your town's been done to death and it's time to get outta dodge before you lose it.

enny-kay: being 90-something percent certain that you're going to move to a different state within the next couple months

weird time warp problem has been corrected, this is where original post was intended to land:

toomanyhelicopters wrote:enny-kay: being 90-something percent certain that you're going to move to a different state within the next couple months

just better = watching as insects fuck in mid-flight, like refueling planes

just worse = feeling a sense of frugal pride after squeezing an extra two weeks worth of toothpaste out of a now bone dry tube that surely would have been discarded sooner by the average American


Please, kenny:
- you didn't shake "it" well enough post-piss, so when you return "it" to your pants a lingering droplet falls free, forming a small wet spot in your boxers, now, no matter in what position you sit or stand, the tip of "it" somehow finds and remains in annoying contact with said wet spot

you didn't shake "it" well enough post-piss, so when you return "it" to your pants a lingering droplet falls free, forming a small wet spot in your boxers, now, no matter in what position you sit or stand, the tip of "it" somehow finds and remains in annoying contact with said wet spot

j.b. someone is popping the bubbles in bubble wrap, and it's not you

j.w. someone on the other side of your cubicle wall is letting them fly. they are silent but deadly.

kenny along the same lines as the last:

having to do the splitstream dance to keep the sterile but somehow still unclean product of your kidneys off the floor

tmidgett wrote:having to do the splitstream dance to keep the sterile but somehow still unclean product of your kidneys off the floor

Just Better: Said splitstream shoots off to the side and hits the guy at the urinal next to you, but he turns out to be Moises Alou.
Just Worse: Having a 100 year old restroom attendant try to butter you up for a tip. "All right now, sir! Aftershave? Mint?"

Kenny: The decision by the Johnny Cash estate to reject the use of "Ring of Fire" in a television advertisement for a hemorrhoid treatment.

stackmatic wrote:weird time warp problem occurred - original post landed out of sequence

Quit acting like you're not from the future. Or the past.

Bradley R. Weissenberger wrote:Kenny: The decision by the Johnny Cash estate to reject the use of "Ring of Fire" in a television advertisement for a hemorrhoid treatment.

JB: "Stuck in the middle with you" hawking thongs.
JW: Hemorrhoids.


KennEbay:
Getting caught in the rain and the next morning having an itchy and dry scalp from all the fucking saltwater and having black hair, so as to make any occurrence of dandruff totally unseemly.


Faiz

hawking thongs

dear God! why do you make me picture steven hawking in a thong!

YOU BASTARDS!

toomanyhelicopters wrote:

hawking thongs

dear God! why do you make me picture steven hawking in a thong!

YOU BASTARDS!

It's the tassles that really make me shudder.


Faiz

placeholder wrote:

buy the kentortions: the career arc of mr. james chance

already been done but:

just better: the career arc of hal russell
just worse: the career arc of reck


kenny:
in yr office building one of the meeting rooms is named Purgatory and apparently no one you work finds this funny, other than you

the Classical wrote:in yr office building one of the meeting rooms is named Purgatory and apparently no one with whom you work finds this funny, other than you

Just Better: Working in an office where wayward employees are ball-gagged, led into an underground room and introduced to "The Gimp"
Just Worse: Having an office next to a conference room named "The War Room", and trying to grasp how a group of privileged, effete, paper-shuffling lawyers could ever imagine themselves as "going to war"

Kenny: Your internal emotional response when you offer your right hand to a man for an introductory handshake, and the man reciprocates with a "right hand" that turns out to be a hook or some other form of fearsome prosthesis