stackmatic wrote:this leftover kenny:
- a male high school gym teacher with something to prove

JB: A Female grade school gym teacher named Mrs. Keith, who named her son Keith. Keith Keith's middle name: Why Keith, of course. Either she was in the Klan or she was just fucking retarded.
JW: (Actually lots worse) The story our drummer told us last week about his high school Gym teacher who, whilst pruning his tree from atop a ladder, fell and broke his leg so badly it had to be amputated. {shudder}

Kenny on My Wayward Son:
Talking shit about a band (band X) to a mixed group of friends, semi friends and non-acquaintences. Upon realizing that the room has gotten rather quiet. When you ask if you've offfended someone, one of your friends points to the non-acquaintence and says "he's in Band X".

BTW Stackmatic, your "Keanu's Bladder" response killed me. Salut!
Faiz

kerble wrote:"Trough-Style" urinals (a la wrigley field)

Just Better: The salad bar at the Ponderosa
Just Worse: My slutty high school classmate Miss Ann W________, whom I believe actually had more male fluids deposited in her than the Wrigley Field troughs

kerble wrote:Talking shit about a band (band X) to a mixed group of friends, semi friends and non-acquaintences. Upon realizing that the room has gotten rather quiet. When you ask if you've offfended someone, one of your friends points to the non-acquaintence and says "he's in Band X".

Just Better: Making negative comments about the Jell-O mold at a small town post-funeral potluck dinner, and having the creator of said Jello-O mold (e.g., your grandmother's lifelong friend) overhear your comments
Just Worse: A forty-five year old man getting drunk and failing to realize that the woman he's hitting on is his nineteen year old daughter's former childhood playmate

Kenny:
Q: "What position is Ron Santo playing for the Cubs these days?"
A: "Cutoff man."

Ooh, Now that I'm off work for the summer (god bless the teacher's union) I can do useless things like find all these lost kennies:

wiggins wrote:please kenny - being a stay-at-home dad, while you're wife works at a law firm to pay the bills, subsequently coming home every day in a provacatively-cut pinstriped business suit.

kerble wrote:KennEbay:
Getting caught in the rain and the next morning having an itchy and dry scalp from all the fucking saltwater and having black hair, so as to make any occurrence of dandruff totally unseemly.

Mr. Chimp wrote:DokKEN:
Your internal emotional response when you see/hear a cop's rollers/siren go off behind you when you're pushing 85 on a 55 and the cop follows you for a full 20 seconds before peeling across three lanes to the next exit.

geiginni wrote:Stan KENton-ize, concert jazz style:
Riding the Brown Line downtown @ 8:30AM on a weekday.....

Faiz

kerble wrote:Ooh, Now that I'm off work for the summer (god bless the teacher's union) I can do useless things like find all these lost kennies:

Definitely a noble pursuit Mr. Kerble. However, please note that this one:

geiginni wrote:Stan KENton-ize, concert jazz style:
Riding the Brown Line downtown @ 8:30AM on a weekday.....

has already been done:

brian wrote:j.b. a sack lunch consisting of pb&j on white bread, carrots,
and a glass of dean's skim milk

j.w. doing shots with johnson, pettiwhite, and their friend, macho,
at john barleycorn's.

kerble wrote:

Mr. Chimp wrote:DokKEN:
Your internal emotional response when you see/hear a cop's rollers/siren go off behind you when you're pushing 85 on a 55 and the cop follows you for a full 20 seconds before peeling across three lanes to the next exit.

Just better: yr internal emotional reponse when, after three days of stomach gnawing worry because yr high school girlfriend has informed you that she is "late", she stops you before class saying that her peroid has final arrived.

just worse: yr internal emotional response when the boss sternly calls you into his office w/ that expression on his face that you know means you are about to be either fired or reamed so hard you wish you had been.

kenny: emoticons in work related emails

kenny: emoticons in work related emails

JB : "FWIW, IMHO, YMMV."

JW : "OMG! LOL! BRB!"

kenny : mandatory staff meetings at work

Bradley R. Weissenberger wrote:Kenny:
Q: "What position is Ron Santo playing for the Cubs these days?"
A: "Cutoff man."

just better:
- "Did you hear that Ron Santo has landed an acting role in an upcoming movie?"
- "He's starring in Dorf on Baseball."

just worse:
- "Did you hear that Ron Santo has decided to change his name?"
- "He's changing it to Neal Santo."


(I am not leaving a new kenny as there are still a few unkennied kennies to be kennied)

wiggins wrote:being a stay-at-home dad while your wife works at a law firm to pay the bills, and she subsequently comes home every day in a provocatively-cut pinstriped business suit.

Just Better: Knowing that despite your stunning defeat in the Belmont (and therefore your failure to capture the Triple Crown), you, Smarty Jones, will live out your days in luxury while being serviced by the finest fillies in the world.
Just Worse: Following global nuclear holocaust, you find sanctuary on a lush, remote South Pacific island with the world's three other survivors -- Julie Bowen, Ludivine Sagnier and Natalie Portman -- and they are hellbent on world repopulation.

Kenny: Discovering an escaped pet parakeet in your neighborhood and, after much effort, capturing the bird in your hands. However, while in your hands, you notice that the bird's wing is in an awkward position. While attempting to reposition the bird so as not to injure it, the bird escapes from your grasp and flies away. After a long search, you are unable to relocate the bird, and you return home knowing that the bird is doomed either to freeze in the night or become prey for an area raptor.

Bradley R. Weissenberger wrote:Kenny: Discovering an escaped pet parakeet in your neighborhood and, after much effort, capturing the bird in your hands. However, while in your hands, you notice that the bird's wing is in an awkward position. While attempting to reposition the bird so as not to injure it, the bird escapes from your grasp and flies away. After a long search, you are unable to relocate the bird, and you return home knowing that the bird is doomed either to freeze in the night or become prey for an area raptor.

J.B.: A pet American Crow that you have taught to say things like, "You have nice house" or "I'm a pretty bird" escapes. The crow is then spotted around the neighborhood where it lands on people's shoulders and speaks, thereby freaking them out, because no one knew crows could mimic. (This happened in my hometown a few years back.)

J.W.: Petting the rabbits too hard.

Kenny: Not being able to come up with a good Kenny so you use something too self-referential.

timmx wrote:Kenny: Not being able to come up with a good Kenny so you use something too self-referential.

Wtf?