I have a friend that is certainly a fucking weirdo.

He never takes anything seriously... Every question, no matter how intense always gets a response like "wow.... thats like SOOOOO amazing! Just WOW. Thats like this one time when I was hanging out with your mother... and then you were born."

I have never seen the guy angry, but he did shoot another one of my friends in the face point blank with an airsoft gun.

He's a dyslexic native american who hates jews for some reason.

He drives close to 100 mph on the freeway all the time, passengers or no passengers. I asked him to slow down one time and he was like "dude, I look for cops... its cool."

One time some people were over at his house and i guess he wanted them leave because they heard the loudest banging ever. He was banging a bat on the floor, just sitting there banging a bat so loud they were sure his landlords could hear it.

His grandparents gave him a brand new powerbook and he set a beer on it, which completely fucked it up beyond repair.

He slept through one of his roomates being shot in their front yard. The guy apparently survived.

When he worked at Pizza Hut, he told me that when cops would come in, he would throw the toppings on the floor, step on them and then put them on the pizza.

He got fired from Pizza Hut for not answering the phone and giving the sales pitch. Apparently a manager called and he answered with "hello?". The manager instructed him about what to say "Hi, thank you for calling Pizza Hut where you can get two large....". He said he would do that from now on. The manager called back five minutes later, he said "hello?" and was fired.

When the toilet overflowed in his apartment his roommates insisted that they pull up the carpet in his room and he wouldn't let them, even though it was soaked with shit water.

He laid down vocals for a couple of tracks under the name Creeper Weed. I think the lyrics went "I created you with my knife and your mother." I think there's a myspace page.

He wants to be a jeweler.

Its never a bad time hanging out with him, unless he takes you to Mexico. Probably the most interesting person i think Ive ever met. Maybe he's only weird compared to me.

Happy to oblige Mr Hardwick:

I saw Lynch woman pull her pants down and push her ass against the window of the corner shop and piss down the window pane. The store owner just rolled his eyes and said "not again".

Perhaps he was OK because he employs Peanut Head Man, a strange man with skin the texture of a roasted peanut. Could be as young as 50, could be as old as 200. Works in the local shop just carrying stuff and being shouted at. Think Sloth from Goonies. But small and like a peanut. I think they keep him there.

Sneinton Elvis is a very different matter. Sneinton Elvis is a mentally handicapped man who once did an Elvis impression at karaoke and, this being the sensitive part of Nottingham that it is, all the local bastards started hiring him to perform at events. He thinks he's great, they have a laugh at him. It's pretty gross but I guess you could argue he's making cash and having fun.

Dancing Man is a local legend of sorts. He goes into music shops and dances around. The only way to get rid of him is to turn the music off. And when I saw 'dance' I mean it - proper elegant, beautiful ballroom dancing style. He dresses a little strangely too. Someone asked him what he was doing and he replied
"I used to be the king of this city. Now there's nowhere left to dance"
And it's true, he used to be a dancer and entertain people at the weekends when Nottingham was full of music halls.

Last but not least is the late Frank Robinson, aka Xylophone Man. You think fuckin' Whitehouse know how to deal with audience hostility? Frank was the king! He busked around town with a xylophone and describing his style is impossible. There has to be film on the internet somewhere. He would just literally bash away freely on the 'phone, very occasionally picking out an accidental melody but mainly going apeshit. He occasionally sang but it was more a sort of euphoric yelling. I have seen people throw things, shout, try and take the xylophone, all sorts. I once saw him smash the xylophone then take a fresh one from his bag. Beat that Pete fucking Townshend!
He died last year and much to my amazement the Council paid for a metal plaque to commemorate him (against a fair bit of protesting) and if you come to our city it's on the floor outside H&M in the main shopping street.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frank_Robinson_(Xylophone_Man)

let's not forget about Whycliffe - this guy had it all (including Danni Minogue as a girlfriend), then the dreaded crack took hold.

Can now be seen wandering around Nottingham, asking random people if he could sing them a song and shouting at moving traffic...

http://www.leftlion.co.uk/articles.cfm/id/401

honeyisfunny wrote:I saw Lynch woman pull her pants down and push her ass against the window of the corner shop and piss down the window pane. The store owner just rolled his eyes and said "not again".

Perhaps he was OK because he employs Peanut Head Man, a strange man with skin the texture of a roasted peanut. Could be as young as 50, could be as old as 200. Works in the local shop just carrying stuff and being shouted at. Think Sloth from Goonies. But small and like a peanut. I think they keep him there.

Sneinton Elvis is a very different matter. Sneinton Elvis is a mentally handicapped man who once did an Elvis impression at karaoke and, this being the sensitive part of Nottingham that it is, all the local bastards started hiring him to perform at events. He thinks he's great, they have a laugh at him. It's pretty gross but I guess you could argue he's making cash and having fun.

Dancing Man is a local legend of sorts. He goes into music shops and dances around. The only way to get rid of him is to turn the music off. And when I saw 'dance' I mean it - proper elegant, beautiful ballroom dancing style. He dresses a little strangely too. Someone asked him what he was doing and he replied
"I used to be the king of this city. Now there's nowhere left to dance"
And it's true, he used to be a dancer and entertain people at the weekends when Nottingham was full of music halls.

Last but not least is the late Frank Robinson, aka Xylophone Man. You think fuckin' Whitehouse know how to deal with audience hostility? Frank was the king! He busked around town with a xylophone and describing his style is impossible. There has to be film on the internet somewhere. He would just literally bash away freely on the 'phone, very occasionally picking out an accidental melody but mainly going apeshit. He occasionally sang but it was more a sort of euphoric yelling. I have seen people throw things, shout, try and take the xylophone, all sorts. I once saw him smash the xylophone then take a fresh one from his bag. Beat that Pete fucking Townshend!
He died last year and much to my amazement the Council paid for a metal plaque to commemorate him (against a fair bit of protesting) and if you come to our city it's on the floor outside H&M in the main shopping street.

I need to live in Nottingham. It sounds astoundingly entertaining.

Mandroid2.0 wrote:I need to live in Nottingham. It sounds astoundingly entertaining.

it has it's moments!

Blelvis may possibly be the weirdest person I have ever met.

If I'm not in a decent, inspiring, motivated band by this time next year, I really am considering moving to Nottingham.

Chapter Two wrote:If I'm not in a decent, inspiring, motivated band by this time next year, I really am considering moving to Nottingham.

You'll sure as hell not find one here mate.

Yeah but there'll be people who speak like they should be wearing suits of armour. That'll do me.