Andrew L. wrote:

instant_zen wrote:*i can inflate a condom on my head.

I may regret this, but which one?

don't worry. it's the one with the eyes, ears, nose, and throat. what's weirder is how i learned: my cousin taught me how to do it at a family reunion a couple years back.

also, a couple words of advice for anyone looking to do this: don't use the lubricated kind. the spermacide gets in your eyes and burns really bad. also, use Lifestyles rather than Trojans. Trojans are generally too small.

enjoy!

garble wrote:2) Lover is replaced by person, not with other lover, but with self-serving action. Person strokes their own forehead. This simulates not only someone elses stroking of person's forehead (feel perceived by forehead) but also the return gesture of stroking another person's forehead (feel perceived by the hand.) Its an illusion of affection, but to the nervous system an accurate illusion has just about the same effect as the real thing.

Is this horrifying? I don't know.

i do this. not consciously for that reason, but i'm sure there's some similar subconscious reason that i do it. i always thought it was a schizotypal behavior, but now that i know it could be linked to Aspberger's, i don't feel so bad. i've always suspected i had Aspberger's anyway.

i suppose it is horrifying on some level, but more just kinda sad that some people are so emotionally/socially inept that their (and by that i mean "our") brains resort to that sort of thing for comfort. good thing i can write. at least i'm not a total loser.

Sweet!

Rank: Jennifer Garner (formerly the Brittany Spears)

my mouth waters. and there's nothing sexual about it.

Napolean.

Or at least that is what i have been calling this crazy homeless man for the past 8 years or so.

I see him at the bustops, walking aimlessly about town. Covered in filth and babbling at anybody who will meet eyes with him.

Not that interesting.
That was until he started coming into the record store. this man is an encylopedic well of information on Devo, Mark Mothersbaugh and
anything Suicidal Tendencies and Cyco mike have ever done.

Somewhat interesting you say?

Ah, it was what he would interject inbetween that was my favorite part. The man is obsessed with flourescent lighting, Radiation, Madame Currie and
Napolean Bonaparte. At some point during his rant on Devo the conversion would veer towards the ceiling.

"do you know who invented those?"

"Invented what?"

"Flourescent lights!"

"No..."

"The FRENCH!" he would yell at the top of his voice.

"Great".

"Napolean Bonaparte is buried in FRANCE!"


"OK".

"THE FRENCH!"

"Hey man you have to leave or i'm gonna call the cops....."


He turns to leave just as customer (young girl)
passes him.

"What's up there TUNA BOAT??!!!"

Girl looks at me as if i said it.

"Hey, just leave ok?"

He leaves the store mumbling about Cyco Miko.



My best friend later related to me the guy's story.
His name is Jason (hey that's my name whem i'm not using my dumbass nom de plume!) He supposedly caught his wife cheating on him with a friend of his and has as of yet not recovered.

We once offered to him to sing a song or two at our practice space.
A devo cover or a wall of voodoo song. That was the only moment i've ever seen him shut up. He declined.

instant_zen wrote:also, use Lifestyles rather than Trojans. Trojans are generally too small.

Too bad for Rysie, I guess. That's all he has in stock at home.

Saturday wrote:well, of course, that´s not weird, but i never knew any gay metalhead before.

Mr. Pen Rollings

stewie wrote:

instant_zen wrote:also, use Lifestyles rather than Trojans. Trojans are generally too small.

Too bad for Rysie, I guess. That's all he has in stock at home.

Oh really.

Well its a good job I had no idea what you were talking about first then isnt it.

stew (crackerjack) francis.

MajorEverettMiller wrote:

Champion Rabbit wrote:.
About 50 Polaroids of his girlfriends anus which had been taken over the course of several years. I say 'anus' rather than 'arse' since these were not casual, or titillating shots but spread-cheeked and inquisitive.

You know what this thread needs?

A jug of piss?

This morning is a little slow at work. I'll bite. Not the wierdest thing I've seen (I work at a psychiatric emergency room..), but a good story.

Guy comes in a week or so ago to the ER, and talks to the triage nurse. He tells her "I've been shot!" She is new, and takes him immediatly back to the acute side. He is slightly incoherent, and they think he's in shock. They search him for bullet wounds, and after removing all of his clothes, find no bullet wounds. They ask him about his. He goes "yeah, I haven't been shot, but can you do something about my paranoia?". What a great line!

Needless to say, they sent him over to us. He has a long history with us, the triage nurse was just new and didn't know him.

free_eire wrote:This morning is a little slow at work. I'll bite. Not the wierdest thing I've seen (I work at a psychiatric emergency room..), but a good story.

Guy comes in a week or so ago to the ER, and talks to the triage nurse. He tells her "I've been shot!" She is new, and takes him immediatly back to the acute side. He is slightly incoherent, and they think he's in shock. They search him for bullet wounds, and after removing all of his clothes, find no bullet wounds. They ask him about his. He goes "yeah, I haven't been shot, but can you do something about my paranoia?". What a great line!

Needless to say, they sent him over to us. He has a long history with us, the triage nurse was just new and didn't know him.

this is a joke. i don't mean that in the sense of "you're not telling the truth," but this is, like, a joke that you could tell at parties. "a guy walks into the emergency room..." so much better than walking into a bar.

awesome. thank you for this.

I would like second that. I would also like to request that you work a psychiatric-emergency-room story into every possible thread here.