endofanera wrote:Working out regularly even though it makes no appreciable difference in your appearance or body shape.

Just Better: Listening to the collected works of Antonín Dvořák over the course of a few months, but it makes no appreciable difference in your level of Czech-ness.
Just Worse: Reading the collected works of Immanuel Kant over the course of a few months, and it makes a substantial difference in your appreciation of Bil Keane's "Family Circus".

Kenny: Tandem skydiving with Crispin Glover.

Bradley R. Weissenberger wrote:
Kenny: Tandem skydiving with Crispin Glover.

JB: Having rough doggie style sex with your girlfriend while Marv Albert offers live commentary.

JW: Kevin Spacey asks you for your phone number after pissing in the urinal next to yours.


Kent Brockman: You are out with your girlfriend, and have decided tonight is the night you are going to break it off with her. You are about to tell her when suddenly your ex appears out of nowhere and beats the living shit out of her, putting her in the hospital.

Bradley R. Weissenberger wrote:Kenny: Tandem skydiving with Crispin Glover.

jb: Four words - Trapeze with Heidi Klum

jw: Tag-team pizza eating championship, one person chews, the other swallows, no hands are allowed, and the last two choices for you to select your partner from are Carol Channing and Dennis Leary.


Kent Brockman:

"Tarkus" by Emerson, Lake & Palmer

jupiter wrote:Kent Brockman: You are out with your girlfriend, and have decided tonight is the night you are going to break it off with her. You are about to tell her when suddenly your ex appears out of nowhere and beats the living shit out of her, putting her in the hospital.

Mr. Chimp wrote:Kent Brockman:

"Tarkus" by Emerson, Lake & Palmer

Now THAT, dear friends, is a bona-fide, fucking-A eerie coincidence.

Mr. Chimp wrote:Kent Brockman:

"Tarkus" by Emerson, Lake & Palmer

JB: "Gentle Giant", by Gentle Giant

JW: "Fly by Night", by Rush



Ken, A duragatory Japanese slur for round eye (the name ALWAYS given to the American in the old monster movies):

Being brutally sodomized by large, hairy Turkish prison guards in an unbearibly hot sauna, while the Eagles "Peaceful Easy Feeling" is playing at concert volume on a cheap boom box.....

(Have fun!)

geiginni wrote:Being brutally sodomized by large, hairy Turkish prison guards in an unbearibly hot sauna, while the Eagles "Peaceful Easy Feeling" is playing at concert volume on a cheap boom box.....

(Have fun!)

Too easy, g.

JB: They use lube.

JW: Being brutally sodomized by large, hairy Turkish prison guards in an unbearibly hot sauna, while watching yr parents fuck to the Eagles "Peaceful Easy Feeling," which is playing at concert volume on a cheap boom box.

Now They Killed Kenny Those Bastards this:

Being annoyed by the swivel-headed asshole with the camera phone at the gig, only to watch him drop it on the floor and see his stupid little toy get smashed to bits.

Bradley R. Weissenberger wrote:Just Worse: Catching your parents fucking while they listen to and sing along with The Eagles' "Peaceful Easy Feeling"

Chris G wrote:JW: Being brutally sodomized by large, hairy Turkish prison guards in an unbearibly hot sauna, while watching yr parents fuck to the Eagles "Peaceful Easy Feeling," which is playing at concert volume on a cheap boom box.

Wtf? Is like tribute of sort! Salut, Chris G. of cat gun photograph!

Chris G wrote:Being annoyed by the swivel-headed asshole with the camera phone at the gig, only to watch him drop it on the floor and see his stupid little toy get smashed to bits.

Just Better: Seeing a tough-talking dickhead start a fight at a bar, and then seeing said dickhead get knocked out with one punch.
Just Worse: Watching someone in your Chinese restaurant dinner party exit the restroom without washing his or her hands, and then seeing that person scolded back to the restroom by another person who witnessed the same thing.

Kenny: A young couple is going through obvious marital difficulties. These marital difficulties result from the wife's serial infidelity, and the two people have grown to hate each other. There have even been minor physical altercations. As a result, this couple is desperate to sell their house, which has been on the market for a long time, and be out of one another's lives. Despite the turmoil, which is obvious to anyone who meets the couple, they put on a happy, all-is-well face when showing their house thinking that potential buyers won't tap into the knowledge of the couple's desperation and stick it to them on the price.

Bradley R. Weissenberger wrote:Kenny: A young couple is going through obvious marital difficulties. These marital difficulties result from the wife's serial infidelity, and the two people have grown to hate each other. There have even been minor physical altercations. As a result, this couple is desperate to sell their house, which has been on the market for a long time, and be out of one another's lives. However, this couple puts on a happy, all-is-well face when showing their house so that potential buyers won't be able stick it to them on the price.

JB : watching this happening on a reality tv show on cable. this young wife is hawt as hell, and they show said infidelities (most of them with other hawt as hell women) in graphic detail.

JW : one of the people who come to look at the house is a greasy sleazeball type guy, and though she never told him where she lived, he is indeed one of the guys she's been nailing.

kensington simca:
being overcharged for a cab ride, but you're so hammered, you don't know the difference. you tip him well, on top of it.

Bradley R. Weissenberger wrote:Just Worse: Catching your parents fucking while they listen to and sing along with The Eagles' "Peaceful Easy Feeling"

Chris G wrote:JW: Being brutally sodomized by large, hairy Turkish prison guards in an unbearibly hot sauna, while watching yr parents fuck to the Eagles "Peaceful Easy Feeling," which is playing at concert volume on a cheap boom box.

Wtf? Is like tribute of sort! Salut, Chris G. of cat gun photograph!

Oh, I know my obscure Kenny references, Bradley R.W., you of the imaginary radioisotope. Only I forgot the "singing along" part, sorry.

I figured since the dealer of that particular Kenny ripped off the "Peaceful Easy Feeling" ref, I could only go him one better.

By the way, I hereby declare that the name of my next band shall be Peaceful Easy Feeling. The kick drum head will have a full-color photo of someone's parents fucking on it. Not just fucking, but fucking to the Eagles. The photo will of course shimmer and wobble with every kick drum thwap.

We will not play the Eagles.

We will also not explain the band name or the kick-drum head.

Now, onto the biz at hand:

toomanyhelicopters wrote:kensington simca:
being overcharged for a cab ride, but you're so hammered, you don't know the difference. you tip him well, on top of it.

JB: Remembering through the haze of Woodford Reserve that you are in D.C., and that you are in a zoned cab, and that you have made this drunken trek no less than 87 times, and therefore knowing exactly how much it costs and catching yourself overpaying but not before snatching the cash back, yelling at the dickhead cabbie for being a thieving bastard, and tipping him huge anyway, because nine times out of 10, when he picks up white folks around my watering holes, they are doubtless horrible dickheads who treat him like shit, and what the hell, why not bank some good kharma?

JW:Being in NYC, getting overcharged, overtipping, and then realizing that for the third goddamned time in as many months that your piece of shit cell phone has slid out of yr coat pocket onto the cab's backseat floorboard, where some junkie at St. Mark's Place will find it and immediately make a bunch of huge and expensive overseas phone calls.

Now that you've got me good and pissed off, Ken the fuck out of this:

Finding yourself in an unexpected but highly welcome threesome with two hot women co-workers but being unable to acheive orgasm because one of the co-workers has a huge-ass Great Dane that is now in the bedroom repeatedly trying to snuffle his way clean up everyone's asscrack.

Chris G wrote:Now that you've got me good and pissed off, Ken the fuck out of this:

Finding yourself in an unexpected but highly welcome threesome with two hot women co-workers but being unable to acheive orgasm because one of the co-workers has a huge-ass Great Dane that is now in the bedroom repeatedly trying to snuffle his way clean up everyone's asscrack.

oh my friend, i am sorry for the pissing! i do not mean to bring the bad thinking to your head!

JB : the great dane is not truly the issue at hand. the reason you are not able to "seal the deal" as it were, is because you know deep down that you are in love with someone beside these two fine young thangs, and this takes you out of the moment.

JW : the real issue at hand is that you can't stop thinking about how much you wish that as you hammer away, the great dane would mount you.

you sick fuck!

howzabout a little spoKEN word here:

sitting through four hours of Hank doing his C and D material