phildodd wrote:The best thing I ever did after my last break up (well second best thing, after getting laid) was to grow a beard...My ex-girlfriend never let me grow one when I was with her because she had sensitive skin or some bullshit, so as soon as she was out of the picture I grew one...Not sure if that would work for everyone...

This isn't revenge, this is logic. It must be remembered that a beard is man's expression of independence. It has many important attached psychological values. I am fortunate enough to have a girlfriend who is sympathetic to beards, as long as they're not enormous willy oldham type affairs - this is an indicator of her wider tolerance; my brother has an enormous beard which he claims to wear with the precise intention of giving the message to women that he has no interest in relationships whatsoever. He took himself out of the relationship game after deciding it wasn't for him a couple of years back. He claims that having an enormous beard lucidly communicates to his various sexual partners that there's no relationship gonna be involved, that it's a casual thing - saves on the awkward explication of that.

The sex with other women thing - works for some, doesn't for others. Try it and see if you like it. If it makes you feel worse, stick to masturbating. If you do decide to try and get laid, these are wise words:

alex maiolo wrote:2) Nobody can resist a guy who lives like a Damn Hell Ass King.

if you do decide to go out and get laid, don't tell the lay-ee that you just broke up. some girls may seem like anything more than a shag is the furthest thing from their mind but it may be a front. what if you end up with a girl who is in the same position as you? i bet you end up in another relationship again. men have a habit of needing to be involved and rebounding quickly as though "the past? what past?"
sorry but as a girl who can't 'do' relationships since the last one which was...a while ago...i dunno, meaningless sex is never meaningless. i mean you don't just go to bed with anybody do you?...unless you are blind drunk obviously...it's just not something i can allow myself to do and if i'm blind drunk these days, i can't manage anything more than drunken rantings ( in a non scary way of course ). i also have a theory that i was pretty mental in relationships, there are arguments that will inevitably happen, paranoia on any level etc..money worries...i often count myself lucky and relatively sane these days but then again, i am scared to get into that again for fear that those characteristics will rear their ugly heads once again..


doomed to be carefree and single forever...

itchy mcgoo wrote:Place all emails from her into a separate folder.

This is very good advice. Try not to read them either, though it will be difficult at first.

I've been in a similar situation, I'm just a few months down the line after breaking up with my fiance. She felt we were too different: she's French, I'm not; she's heavily into Catholicism and spiritualism, I'm not; she's from a very posh and traditional family, well, you can guess the rest. My sympathies go out to you.

Enjoy as much time with good friends and family as possible and try not to stay indoors by yourself too much, I recommend. I've needed a fair bit of time by myself to do the batshit-crazy stuff, but eventually it tired me out. Don't take up smoking again if you've given up, and try not to go too excessive with the booze. It's fun for a while, but I found eventually that it got debilitating and I started getting more depressed and ended up doing stupid hours at work. Less than a month ago I felt completely burnt out by all of this, but I'm already feeling better having slowed down.

And if you can, leave the country for a little while, even if only for a week or weekend! It's great!

Here's a final dumb metropolitan suggestion: try speed dating with a bunch of male friends. A mate of mine set up an evening, I had great fun, nothing has eventually come from it, but it built up my self-esteem to talk flirt outrageously and talk absolute gibberish for an evening. Plus, you might get some new friends to go out with, which'll increase the number of new people that you'll meet, which is a positive change. A random suggestion, but it worked for me.

fantasmatical thorr wrote:doomed to be carefree and single forever...

there are worse fates.

I didn't read all four pages, and likely someone else said this, but you shouldn't feel like you got dumped--that is, you shouldn't take it as a personal rejection. The fact is, you live 280 miles away and were involved in a part-time romance. No matter how amazing you might be, there was gonna come a time when proximity trumps affinity. Long-distance relationships are, in many ways, doomed; avoid them.

Could have been worse my son. I got this from another thread.

That's one way to do it

Thanks to all for their sound advice. I've been keeping busy last day and a half: playing football, eating, making a couple of tunes, talking with a friend of mine, being a big pussy etc

Yes, the long distance nature of it made it hard but in two months when I (finally) paid off my credit card debt I was free to move so I stupidly thought it was a matter of when rather than if.

Another tiny point to make is that the other guy, Alex's wife, had been ill for a long while so I'm guessing he knew she was going to die a while before. Still, I don't see how that would help you into a relationship 6 weeks after she dies (I was conservative with the initial 2 months).

So thanks to:
gabber776, phildodd, HighHopes, B_M_L, Chapter Two, DefinitelyNOTtheSWEDE, kerble, Adam CR, the$inmusicisallmine, rachael, syntaxfree07, mattw, DrAwkward, Rodabod, Tom, Ally In Exile, itchy mcgoo (and Mr. Chimp for the advice contained in Itchy's post), Christopher_Dragon, j_harvey, andteater, Arson Smith, alex maiolo, connor, Braden, prplmtngal, Marlowe, Marsupialized, unarmedman, si-maro, fantasmatical thorr, sparky, Brett Eugene Ralph.

And to the lovely EA ("THE Premier Rock") forum for letting me waste some of its storage space and bandwidth for a while.

Even the insults sort of helped. Perspective or something? Maybe.

Stephen

simmo wrote:

phildodd wrote:The best thing I ever did after my last break up (well second best thing, after getting laid) was to grow a beard...My ex-girlfriend never let me grow one when I was with her because she had sensitive skin or some bullshit, so as soon as she was out of the picture I grew one...Not sure if that would work for everyone...

This isn't revenge, this is logic. It must be remembered that a beard is man's expression of independence. It has many important attached psychological values. I am fortunate enough to have a girlfriend who is sympathetic to beards, as long as they're not enormous willy oldham type affairs - this is an indicator of her wider tolerance; my brother has an enormous beard which he claims to wear with the precise intention of giving the message to women that he has no interest in relationships whatsoever. He took himself out of the relationship game after deciding it wasn't for him a couple of years back. He claims that having an enormous beard lucidly communicates to his various sexual partners that there's no relationship gonna be involved, that it's a casual thing - saves on the awkward explication of that.

But your brother is in a relationship right now! He even lives with his girlfriend, so what?

Plus I have to say that I don't mind an enormous beard either. It suits some people.

Dindon Shazwan wrote:But your brother is in a relationship right now! He even lives with his girlfriend, so what?.

I guess Mr Beardie realised that he couldn't live without lovin'.

I still think that for many men, the beard is a (completely symbolic) sign of independence, whether in a relationship or not. It's a male pride thing. It says "I love you, and I will do almost anything for you, but my face is mine goddamnit!"

Besides, we all know that you're a moustache kind of girl anyway, sale francaise. I actually quite like wearing a moustache - I may have taken persuading at first, but y'know, I'm happy just to please you 'n' all that. Besides, I look very dashing.

My dream is to have a big big beard, but it won't grow...
the further i can get is a tiny moustache....
FUCK !