Mr. Chimp wrote:For me would you please pass Kenny:

Experiencing a soul-crushing sense of bladder pressure in the early 90's, as you wait in the lobby of a health-service facility to take a piss test, because you have consumed a gallon of water treated with piss-cleanser due to the fact that you just had to pull gravity bongs prior to attending that incredible TAR show the previous weekend.

I'll bite, I hain't kennied in a bit.

JB: Knowing that you have a drug test in an "on office site" clinic for your brand new cube job, yet still smoking a whole bunch of pot with an old friend the night before. The supervisor tells you to go take your drug test after you fill out the proper forms and instead of going to piss, you walk to your desk and NEVER GO. No one catches on and you spend four months gleefully smoking pot all the fucking time, yet incurring no wrath. When you quit the job, you leave a bottle of wine in your desk for the cleaning crew.

JW: The seal breaks while you're waiting and you just piss yourself like a fucking retard in the lobby. A whole fucking gallon. Plus, you cry like an ugly woman about it when the doctor comes in.

BTW: Bradley's list reminded me of Crystal Chandler, Nancy Fancy and Sundance Remington. Fucking weirdos. It has inspired a kenny based on my roommate:

The Notorious K.E.N.:
Your roommate's last name is Butt. It has probably caused him to be as neurotic as he is. Really stand-up guy, though. He gets a postcard from Jiffy Lube that is designed to look like a vanity license plate that has a stars and stripe border and a peppy "United We Stand" message at the bottom. However, the plate itself reads: BUTT. Upon closer inspection of the reverse side of the card, instead of "First Name" Butt, it is addressed to "Butt Butt" and is obviously the work of a very stoned Jiffy Lube employee.


Faiz

My 200th post will be used to move kennies to the front of the line. Giya.

geiginni wrote:....killed Kenny, you Bastards.....

People walking and eating at the same time (a'la Taste of Chi, etc....)

jupiter wrote:K..Kenny: You are chewing on a tropical starburst when you suddenly clench down on a hard object between your teeth. It is also a tooth.

Kent Brockman: You are out with your girlfriend, and have decided tonight is the night you are going to break it off with her. You are about to tell her when suddenly your ex appears out of nowhere and beats the living shit out of her, putting her in the hospital.

kerble wrote:Take these BroKen wings:
"Turkish Revenge," which is when someone runs up behind you, stabs you in the ass and runs away a la Randy Quaid in Midnight Express.

Kenny:
The touch, the feel of Cotton.

Enjoy!

Faiz

kerble wrote:Kenny:
The touch, the feel of Cotton.

just better = eating a frozen grape
just worse = the first time you successfully made the "dove" noise by blowing into the gap between the thumbs of your cupped hands

Please, kenny:
- it's a Saturday and you're at home, you are a gradeschooler, your mom is out running errands all afternoon, you walk into the kitchen and see your dad eating a "raw" Oscar Meyer weiner right out of the package, he hands you one as well, you stand in silence, each consuming your respective weiner, as an adult you will look back on this moment fondly

stackmatic wrote:
Please, kenny:
- it's a Saturday and you're at home, you are a gradeschooler, your mom is out running errands all afternoon, you walk into the kitchen and see your dad eating a "raw" Oscar Meyer weiner right out of the package, he hands you one as well, you stand in silence, each consuming your respective weiner, as an adult you will look back on this moment fondly

just better: the knowledge that yr father is a sort of a crazy nerd (a la Larry David) and the realization that he has been this way his (and yr) entire life. And how this goes a long way to explain certain behavior. also: knowing that you are almost the exact same way and being cool w/ it.

just worse: you know that yr father both smoked and chewed tobacco many yrs ago. you in fact have strong memories of him chewing tobacco when you where child. so, even tho you know this to be a fact (photo documentation, the ancedotes of relatives, yr own memories &c.) it still seems impossible, not because yr father is a militant anti-smoker, but for some reason you can never quite but yr finger on it seems completely at odds w/ his personality.

salute to stack and his father related kennies, I will continue it

kenny: in an effort to expand yr father's horizon's (and to better the cd library in yr parent's home) you give him a copy of the Blackened Air for Father's Day. His first reaction? "Whoa there's a musical saw on this album?"

the Classical wrote:salute to stack and his father related kennies, I will continue it

kenny: in an effort to expand yr father's horizon's (and to better the cd library in yr parent's home) you give him a copy of the Blackened Air for Father's Day. His first reaction? "Whoa there's a musical saw on this album?"

JB: Your father is tone deaf and has a cockatiel that can talk and whistle the theme from "bridge on the river kwai." However, seeing as how dad is tone deaf and spends the most time with the bird, whistling to it, the bird now does a mutated off-kilter version of the same song as if there is a reel of tape that the song is on and someone keeps slowing it down and speeding it up.

JW: Occasionally you catch your tone deaf father singing the chorus to "Bling, Bling" by Juvenile or Hot Boyz or whatever the fuck they are.

Son of Rank, Father of Kenny:
Being on a train in New York where there's a group of gangbangers making a business man kinda nervous. On of the kids gets out of his seat and shouts in the man's face: "YO, YOU DON'T NEED TO BE HERE! I'M YOUR FATHER, SON! I'M YOUR MOTHERFUCKING FATHER!!!!!"

Faiz

the Classical wrote:kenny: in an effort to expand yr father's horizon's (and to better the cd library in yr parent's home) you give him a copy of the Blackened Air for Father's Day. His first reaction? "Whoa there's a musical saw on this album?"

Just Better: You visit your recently divorced mother for a few days. While you are there, her car requires minor repair work. While her car is in the shop for the day, you let your mother borrow your car to run a few errands. After your mother leaves with your car, it occurs to you that "1000 Hurts" was in the car stereo, but you figure that she likely turned it off and put on Paul Harvey or something like that. Instead, upon her return, your mother tells you that she really, really liked that "fuckin' kill him" song. She then walks over to a hallway closet, and takes a dusty old box from one of the closet shelves. She reaches into the box, pulls out an old wedding photograph of her and your father, and begins to stare at it menacingly.

Just Worse: As a joke, you give a Depeche Mode album to your happily remarried father (i.e., the man who was cheating on your mother). He immediately turns gay and leaves his new wife.

Kenny: Do those Kerble Kennies listed above.

Bradley R. Weissenberger wrote:Kenny: Do those Kerble Kennies listed above.

JB: People remember to adopt stray Kennys on their own without having to be reminded.

JW: I remind everyone that I had suggested yet another self-referential Kenny a few posts ago that went unloved and unnoticed. It was:

Arson Smith wrote:K-E-N-N-Y, and Kenny was his name-O:
Busting on or complaining about another person's Kenny.

kerble wrote:The Notorious K.E.N.:
Your roommate's last name is Butt. It has probably caused him to be as neurotic as he is. Really stand-up guy, though. He gets a postcard from Jiffy Lube that is designed to look like a vanity license plate that has a stars and stripe border and a peppy "United We Stand" message at the bottom. However, the plate itself reads: BUTT. Upon closer inspection of the reverse side of the card, instead of "First Name" Butt, it is addressed to "Butt Butt" and is obviously the work of a very stoned Jiffy Lube employee.

just better = You work at a small family grocery store. 3 days a week you deliver groceries to elderly shut-ins. Often times, as you make your delivery rounds, you are required to "sign-in" on a particular apartment building's or nursing home's visitor log. You never sign your real name, instead opting for "Walter Stains". The guy who delivers groceries the other 2 days a week uses the name "Bruce Pants".

just worse = You work at a small family grocery store. 3 days a week you deliver groceries to elderly shut-ins. One of your regulars is a man named Harry Johnson. He is skinny with mangy long hair, like an older Willie Nelson gone wrong. He orders the same thing every time - 21 cans of pork-and-beans, 50 bananas and 4 gallons of whole milk. He always answers the door wearing only an open bathrobe and a pair of pajama pants. His bathrobe and pajama pants, like he, are disturbingly frayed and dirty. He has a couple of old sheets of newspaper laid out on the floor just inside the door. The newspaper, like he, is yellowed and wearing through. He instructs you to set the groceries on the newspaper. He is very concerned that the groceries be set on the newspaper. For some reason, this is immensely important to him. These instructions are always his only words.


Please, kenny:
- You hear a rumor that Ralph Macchio is working as a salesman at the local Men's Wearhouse. You decide to stop by and have a look for yourself. You walk in and sure enough, there he is, Ralph Macchio, selling suits at the local Men's Wearhouse.

stackmatic wrote:Please, kenny:
- You hear a rumor that Ralph Macchio is working as a salesman at the local Men's Wearhouse. You decide to stop by and have a look for yourself. You walk in and sure enough, there he is, Ralph Macchio, selling suits at the local Men's Wearhouse.

JB: You and five friends dress up like skeletons and give him a solid asskicking and trash the bike he rode to work at the Men's Wearhouse.

JW: You challenge him to a guitar duel and lose. Macchio keeps your soul.

Kennies are above.


Faiz

Arson Smith wrote:K-E-N-N-Y, and Kenny was his name-O:
Busting on or complaining about another person's Kenny.

JB: Going to a comedy club's open mic night to watch your cousin do stand up, then heckling him.

JW: Your friend is dating a girl for a couple days when he noticed that she sometimes gets lazy-eyed. It happens rarely but when it does it really freaks him out. After a couple days of careful introspective debate complete with a mental list of pros and cons, he decides that though her lazy-eyedness is a most annoying physical attribute, her even-keel personality makes up for it. The next day, you are introduced to your friends new girlfriend, and as soon as she leaves the room you unwittingly ask your friend, "What's with the stinkeye??"