a termite walks into a bar and asks, "hey, is the bar tender here?"

an englishman, an irishman, a scotsman, a rabbi, a nun, a duck, a penguin, a pirate, a giraffe, a skeleton and a vampire all walk into a bar. the barman turns and asks, "what is this, some kind of joke?"

Piece of string walks into a bar. Bartender says "sorry, we don't serve pieces of string here". Piece of string, astonished, says "really?" Bartender says, "Yeah, 'fraid not".

Dylan wrote:Piece of string walks into a bar. Bartender says "sorry, we don't serve pieces of string here". Piece of string, astonished, says "really?" Bartender says, "Yeah, 'fraid not".

Oh, ouch, that's rough. Here's how I heard that joke:
Piece of string walks into bar, ask for a beer. Bartender tells the string, "We don't serve your kind here."
String walks out of bar. Tangled up because of his hate for the bartender, he rips at the top of his head. Enraged, he walks back into the bar, demands a beer. Bartender looks at him, says, "Aren't you that piece of string that was just in here?"
String responds, "I'm a frayed knot!"

a polock walks into a bar. then another polock walks into the same bar. then another. after about 20 or 30 polocks walk into this same bar, the smart one realizes what's going on and ducks under it as he walks past.

so an irishman walks out of a bar....wait.....that never happens

A horse goes into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender looks at him and says, "hey, why the long face?"

A penguin goes into a bar and asks the barman, "hey, I wonder if you can help me. I've lost my dad and I really need to find him. Have you seen him at all?"

To which the bartender replies "what does he look like?"

A grizzly bear goes into a bar and says, "I'd like a........




....beer, please."

The bartender says, "sure....why the big paws?"

Guy goes into a bar and notices that there are all these cuts of meat hanging on the ceiling.

He asks the barman what the deal is with them, and he says, "It's the bar bet - if you can jump up from the ground and grab one of those cuts of meat off the ceiling, you get free drinks all night!"

The guy looks interested and replies, "So, what if I can't reach any meat when I jump?"

The barman turns serious and says, "Then you have to buy drinks for everyone in the bar".

The guy thinks for a while, and eventually says, "I'm sorry, I'm not going to try."

"But why???", the barman demands.

"Well, the steaks are too high."