Bradley R. Weissenberger wrote:Kenny: Trying to figure out how LeVar Burton was able to play the role of Kunta Kinte in "Roots" so effectively, what with considering how he's all blind and shit.

just better - Trying to figure out how Levar Burton was able to host "Reading Rainbow" so effectively, what with considering how he's all blind and shit.

just worse - Trying to figure out how Wilfred Brimley was able to pitch Quaker Oats so effectively, what with considering how he's all fat and shit.


Please, kenny:
- You are a middle-aged pervert. You like 'em young. It's a warm summer Saturday, which you've spent driving all over the city. And now you've spotted another one. Another fund-raising carwash in a gas station parking lot. You pull in with delight. For soon you will be witness to yet another grouping of wet, scantily-clad, nubile high school girls draped and arching allover your already-washed-seven-times-today SUV.

stackmatic wrote:Please, kenny:
- You are a middle-aged pervert. You like 'em young. It's a warm summer Saturday, which you've spent driving all over the city. And now you've spotted another one. Another fund-raising carwash in a gas station parking lot. You pull in with delight. For soon you will be witness to yet another grouping of wet, scantily-clad, nubile high school girls draped and arching allover your already-washed-seven-times-today SUV.

stack-were you follwing me this weekend?

just better: you convice above girls yr an invalid. you need them to wash you. they agree.

just worse: the feeling adrian zmed must feel knowing he is being kennied


kenny: life in a steely dan cover band

the Classical wrote:kenny: life in a steely dan cover band

JB: Getting yelled at by "Donald" and "Walter" for not playing your guitar/sax parts right.

JW:Being a roadie for a Steely Dan cover band.

Kenny:
The dull ache of regret about turning down that one quite promising fling because you were waitng around (read:kind of seeing, but not really)for some other person who, in the end, turned out to be a complete asshat.



Faiz

kerble wrote:Kenny: ChimpStack!Faiz

jb: A sack full of chimps

jw: A stack full of gimps


SuperKenductor:

Blue Things

Kenny:
The dull ache of regret about turning down that one quite promising fling because you were waitng around (read:kind of seeing, but not really)for some other person who, in the end, turned out to be a complete asshat.

mejor: assuaging said ache at your local brothel.

peor: both the 'quite promising fling' and 'other person' for whom you were waiting were actual prostitutes in the first place, and now you must also deal with the dull ache of having spent your last fifty on a 'complete asshat.'

(phonological puns intended, for those of you who speak-a the spanish)

kenny: you are Englebert Humperdinck.

kenny: you are Englebert Humperdinck.

JuBemma: You are Englebert Humperdinck, and some poofter synth band (I guess that would be The Postal Service nowadays) really loves you and gets you to sing lead on one of their poofter anthems and for a minute you think your career is revived, sort of like what the Pet Shop Poofs did for Dusty Springfield.

JuWuss: You are Englebert Humperdinck, and the only way that you can sing your trademark hit "After The Lovin'" with all of the romance and passion your fans expect is to fantasize that you are singing it to Gilbert Gottfried.

Ken Brett, crappier sibling of George:
The first time you realize that the circus is not a cavalcade of fun and enchantment but rather a sad exercise in animal cruelty perpetuated by the bitter dregs of society.

SuperKenductor:

Blue Things

Rapid Single Flux Quantum Kenductor: Colorless Green Ideas Sleep Furiously

SemiKenductor: Things that Rhyme With Orange

Kenny Loggins: You are only capable of pretending to be an immense nerd, as you shamefully dropped out of college physics because you couldn't handle the math. You are verbally impaired and socially backward, and pleasure yourself with a lambskin pocket protector.

Kenny Loggins: You are only capable of pretending to be an immense nerd, as you shamefully dropped out of college physics because you couldn't handle the math. You are verbally impaired and socially backward, and pleasure yourself with a lambskin pocket protector.

Just worse: You are gay.

Just better: You are a log cabin Republican and black metal aficionado. (Gene Simmons' high school photo)


Kenny 'Dope' Gonzalez:

You are a struggling stand-up comedian in Sudbury Ontario. You are prematurely bald and drive a grey Dodge Omni. You spent the last of a small inheritance you received from a distant relative on vets bills for your girlfriend’s blind, decrepit cat just before she dumped your sorry ass. You just want to make people laugh and maybe save up enough for one of those special pairs of shoes for people like you who are born with one leg much shorter than the other. The last time you really enjoyed yourself was at a Weezer concert in Toronto, despite your shitty seats. I swear this isn't autobiographical. Fuck.

Two in a row. I'm double-fisting Kennies!

Ken Brett, crappier sibling of George:
The first time you realize that the circus is not a cavalcade of fun and enchantment but rather a sad exercise in animal cruelty perpetuated by the bitter dregs of society.

Just better: Your mother is convinced you are gay and keeps setting you up with a new “handsome gentleman.â€

Kenny:
Breaking into a brief, effeminate run in some bad shoes and seriously fucking up your feet.

Just better: Breaking into a brief, effeminate run on the high E string and seriously fucking up your band’s song.

Just worse: Losing a bet (w/ your sadistic boss) and having to wear mint condition 40-hole Dr. Martens emblazoned with huge swastikas everyday for a 3 month period that happens to coincide with a 3 month transfer to a small electronics outlet in south central Los Angeles.

Lord Kenny of the Castro:

Convincing a bunch ex-pat South Africans that America faces a crisis of “tube-cheese addictionâ€