This thread is now even better because you can see the faces of the embarassed!

first night going out with hot girl.
we drank, we danced, we drank.
club finished we went to get takeaway food.
we both got take away food, i got chips (read: 'fries', americans) she got something different, can't remember.
we're walking up the street and she leans across and takes one of my chips .
drunk, trying to be funny i say "ha! you fat fuck!".
girl bursts out crying, flags down taxi immediately, gets in and leaves.
i am left in the street with my jaw open and my chips in my hand.

several years ago i kept hanging out with this girl but she refused to go out with me so i kind of gave it up. and then like a week later she called me out of the blue and asked me to go see a movie at the theatre where she worked.

and i was so excited and couldn't wait and finally the day came and i went and she was working at the ticket counter and gave me a ticket to this movie and then i waited for her in the lobby.

so she shows up and we're kind of talking and she's telling me about how this movie has gotten good reviews etc etc and all these people are coming into the lobby and piling into the theatre

and we're talking and i'm thinking about how the theatre is going to be full soon and how we should really get inside and stop talking out here in the lobby

and then she sort of tilted her head towards the big double doors leading into the theatres and was like "you had better get in there before it's full - i'm sure there are still some seats in the front"

so i WENT IN, ALONE, and there was like one seat in the front and i was feel so confused and i wasn't sure what had just happened and whether she just thought i should watch this movie for my own good or whether she was playing a mean trick on me or something, and meanwhile this terrible godawful foreign film strikes up and it's all about these two teenage boys 'finding themselves' and all sorts of nonsense and i was in the very front row for like 3 hours not sure if she would even be there when i came out of the theatre. it was super embarrassing even though nobody else could have known what was going on. i was so confused and it was really awkward.

I have been lurking on this forum for years but I after re-reading this amazing thread (and starting a job that allows me to do this more often) I have been inspired to jump in.

In 1999, I was on tour as a fill in bass player with a band on thier summer tour. I had just turned 18 and our first show was in New Orleans. I had never played a show where the bands had food and free alcohol so I went nuts and ate way too much gumbo and drank way to many beers.

The next morning I awoke with the rumbly belly which has been talked about endlessly here. The drummer of the band who was well into his thirties had been calling me "kid" and was intent on "busting my tour cherry." He was in the shower when this fateful rumble began and refused to hurry it up, instead declaring that he was going to take his time (it was the only bathroom in the house). I went back to my sleeping bag and tried with all my will to stop the river of shit but I could do so no longer. I bolted out the front door, peeling my pants off as I ran and squated in the front lawn. As I was pissing out of my ass I looked up and realized a bit too late that his house was located on one of the main thoroughfares and there was a line of stand still morning traffic witnessing all of my liquified glory.

The best part of all of this is that as soon as I finished, the guy from the band we played with whose house it was, came on the porch with a cup of coffee and told me that I should have used the cat box.

A story comes to mind:

I have no idea why I did this, but, for some reason, when I was ten years old I put up a sign in my neighborhood mail-house (y'know, where all of the mailboxes are packed together in one little house) saying that Shaquille O'Neal was coming that weekend to sign autographs and meet 'n' great everyone. Y'see, at that time, Shaq was in his second year in the NBA, and the Orlando Magic had high hopes that his giant bulk and slamming skills would re-vitalize the city. Basically, everyone in Orlando idolized Shaq.

So, after putting up this sign, I promptly forgot about it during the rest of that week.

Saturday afternoon rolls along. Having just finished a game of Little League, I come home and shower up. Then I go in to say Hi to my mom. She says:

"Do you know anything about this whole Shaquille O'Neal brouhaha?"

Ashamed, and completely surprised that anything had come of it (you see, I had figured no one would really take it seriously), I answer that, Yes, I actually was behind the whole thing.

She starts cracking up and tells me that half the neighborhood ended up coming to the clubhouse and waiting there for a couple of hours, with balls they had purchased to get signed, and everything.

The entire rest of the summer, whenever I would hang out with anybody in the neighborhood, someone would always say, "I wonder who did that." I would start blushing and become quiet. Nobody ever found out. Nevertheless, I was truly embarrassed by the whole thing.

monday morning my lady friend asks me, where you having a nightmare last night. i say yes why? she says, you woke me up headbutting me.

ooops.

Want to be an Actor in a month or two, it's time to act now.

It won't cost you a dime. Future 6 actors (new 6 for each movie), most successful people with most referrals - 3 female and 3 male aspiring actors/models will be chosen for supporting role in the upcoming movie

During a metalwork demonstration at school (aged 12) I was having a discrete game of pocket billiards, the action disguised by my workshop apron. I enjoyed the feeling of daring to have a full on wank during the lesson surrounded by the other boys and girls - how clever I was. At the end of the lesson, apron stowed safely away - but crucially not my cock - another boy loudly proclaimed that my dick was hanging out! I quickly tidied up even as I refuted the validy of his statement to the circle of curious students who quickly gathered. My lightning reflexes meant that there was zero evidence to support his unlikely claim. Only me and Darren Pilkington ever knew the truth of what happened that day.[/i]

bump.


I love this thread.


newer members! please contribute.

kerble wrote:bump.


I love this thread.


newer members! please contribute.

c'mon folks!