dearest (not) red medecine,

what the fuck

i payed 10$ for you. 10$. for entertainment.

entertainment

why do you give me all these junk and stuff

you're title should be only for homos. haha.

you blow,

da buddmeister

Dear Kiss Album Where They're Not Wearing Makeup,

Why could you not have been soaked in kimchi so that when I found you in the trash I wouldn't have been tempted to play you? You are like some immortal curse. Please go back to where ever it is you came from. You gave my cd player the clap.

Sincerely
Jason

Dear Liars Drums Not Dead,

I love ya man, but please stop hitting me on the head. I got a goose egg that's throwing off the symetry and a headache to match. In fact, I can't even type this because it hurts to move any extremities, so I'm speaking this into a dictophone. I hope it's spelling everything correctly.

Sinecerely,
Bubba

Dear that Zeni Geva album with the barbed wire on the cover,
We really need to talk. This has happened once too often. Every Sunday morning I wake up semi-naked on the sofa, devils all in my head, and there you are again, in the CD player, volume up at ten. I feel you're taking advantage of me. It's me that has to deal with the looks from the upstairs neighbours on the stairs. When can we get together sometime like it's "the real deal"? I mean, it's okay to fool around a bit, but I think it's time we took the whole thing a bit more seriously. I'd like to get to know you as you really are.
Regards,
A.

P.S. Your T-shirt is still at my place. I washed and ironed it and everything.

Dear Salt Lick,

My mom and dad are taking me on vacation next week. Therefore, I have slipped a week's worth of milk money through the slots on your locker. I also added an extra buck's worth of protection. Please don't beat me up when we get back into town.

Yours,
Wood Goblin

Hey Chairman Hall,

This guy, really needs an appointment. He's having an affair with a Zeni Geva album. He can have my appointed time slot.

Dear Boredoms Super Root 7,

I've only seen you once and it was at a friends house. Those 28 minutes were amazing and I swore that I'd find you and make you mine just as soon as I could. When I saw you in the record store for $25 I just couldn't bring myself to throw down that money.

But you are magnificent. A single song that climaxes in a 10 minute cover of The Mekons 'Where Were You'!! How clever you are.

One day I'll buy you. If I can ever find you again.

Yours,

Liz

Dear Marquee Moon,

I love you, and will never trade you in. However, I have to own the CD as well because it restores your title track to it's glorious full length.

And that off time break in the chorus of "Elevation" still kills me everytime.

Thanks for everything.



Dear Raw Power

I love you too. But David Bowie can't produce for shit. Where is your bass? I'm sorry, but I must own the remastered CD version of you as well. (Unless some genius remasters you and re-releases you on vinyl. The Rough Power bootleg is pretty good, but...)

Funhouse and The Stooges are fine. But I am convinced David Bowie sabotaged you deliberately... at least, the opening track for sure.

Lots of love.

Dear (insert any album title here) by Mars Volta,

FUCK YOU!!!

Dear Gang of Four's Entertainment.

Darling, it may sound trite when I say "you rock." However, I am no poet, and that comes from my heart.
I can't believe how long we've been together, dear. Our life together has been nothing but joy.

All of this despite the company you keep.
Other than your brother, Solid Gold, can you please tell your siblings to stop dropping by? They are absolutely vile.
Your children, Red, Hot, Chilli, and Pepper are just awful. Somebody should have tanned their hide mercilessly when they were young brats. As long as you don't bring them into my house, you and I will remain at peace.

I was worried when you had a butt-ectomy, and that fine ass was sewn onto Shriekback's backside. Likewise when shortly afterwards your heart was removed and transplanted to an English Department. Remarkably, they were successfully sewn back to the corpus, and people are amazed at how much of a sexy senior citizen you are.

Baby, I love ya.

-A