Dear Sister and Blank Generation test press -

I'm sorry that I didn't keep those retards from walking out of my house with you two. Let some people in to drink some beers and the next thing you know they're helping themselves to your record collection. So fucked up.

I've learned my lesson - no more open invitation house parties and no more loaning records, that's for sure.

It could have been worse, and now I run a pretty tight ship with the rest because of what happened to you.

Dear Reign in Blood,

SLLLLLAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!

Ben Adrian

Dear Under Thunder and Flourescent Light,

You always hear people say that after the first couple of years, relationships grow stagnant. The feelings fade with familiarity and the freshness just turns stale. Thank you for showing me that this is not every relationships fate.

The way you sing and skitter about the drums and fretboards constantly makes me smile and admire you more and more.

I will never fully understand you, but perhaps that is the secret to our success.

I love you,

Matt

Dear The Shape of Punk to Come by Refused:

You came from nowhere, i cannot even remember how we met just a couple of years ago. I had not heard anything so good in such a long time. I had not bought any new music in such a long time. It is too bad that you are so full of goodness that the band gave up after they made you. But at least they made you. Thanks for saving my soul. I wish I knew about you sooner. You are one my all-time favorites. Salut.

P.S. Nothing sounds better at ear bleeding volume in a car stereo blasting down the hiway. Well, except certain mixes of "I Got a Right", Melvins Stoner Witch, and strangely, many Dirty Three songs.

Dear You're Living All Over Me and Confusion Is Sex,

What is the deal with your artwork? It is the same...but different.

Is this some inside joke? And what is happening in the picture? Is someone banging their head?

Not funny, guys. Not funny.

Lz

Dear At War With The Mystics,

There are so many conflicting feelings about you that one hardly knows where to start. I can appreciate the desire to be unlike your older siblings while still retaining some semblance of a bloodline, and I can also understand the desire to make use of techniques and software heretofore never employed. The culmination of these efforts has produced in you the eleventh child of what seems like inbreeding. I can directly hear bits of your brother The Soft Bulletin here, or your sister Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots there. Your much older siblings seem to have disappeared completely! But this is besides the point. You are the first child to reference your brothers and sisters. They all seem adopted, while you seem like the sum of the younger ones. This isn't horrible, per se, it's more of a shock if anything.

I could never dislike you. There are some truly wonderful aspects to your personality. You're just kind of weird.

Best,
Randall

Dear Purple On Time,

Hey, I just wanted to write you and let you know I have said some things about you in the past I now regret. I think I was missing Pat's drums a lot and sometimes it can be hard to let your favorite bands change. But, you know what? I listened to you a lot in the past few days and I was wrong, you are great. I hope we can still be friends.

Also, I stole your Nov 1995 copy of "Leg Show". I am sorry.

Thanks

Chris

Dear Didn't It Rain,

When I'm out of scotch, beer and excuses, you fireman-carry me through the small hours into the next day. Aren't you tired of me yet?

Rhetorically yours,

To: Jane Doe
ATTN: Bills Payable
Re: Invoice

Enclosed is the list of damages we will be billing to this address. Prices are approximate. Replacements preferred. Please pay promptly to avoid additional charges.

Thank you,

Andrew Wiggins

President, CEO
Andrew Wiggins's Life, LLC.

ATTACHMENT:

Sony 5-1/4" 2-way Car Audio Loudspeaker (2) -$100

Pyramid 150w/channel 2-channel Car Stereo amplifier - $150

Pyramid 300w 8" subwoofer (2) - $100

Side windows (2), Windshield, Rear window for 1991 Ford Ranger - $800

Aiwa "Twin Duct 2 Way loudspeaker system" boombox speaker (pair) - $50

1 pair Sony headphones - $20

1 pair Koss headphones - $15

Ear drum repair surgery - $15,000

Box of other hardcore cd's I shouldn't have spent money on, but didn't realize it until you showed me, waayy after I already wasted money on them - $200

*Financing available (with approved credit). Please write to Andrew Wiggins's Life, LLC - Financial Services ATTN: Andrew Wiggins for more information.*

Dear s/t,

Why take the easy way out? I know you are better than that.

I still love you,
Jon