tmidgett wrote:

it is really encouraging to see all of you so happy after many years of marriage.

one thing to keep in mind is that the stats on marriage--half of them ending in divorce and shit--include all the trainwrecks that everyone saw coming from the beginning.

you know, all the 'i'm getting old and need someone around' marriages, all the 'i knocked her up so wtf' marriages, all the 'i feel like i'm about half gay so i better latch onto a man/woman before i'm too far out the other way' marriages.

you take them out, and your odds go up considerably.

Yes, agreed. I think The Midge nailed it.

I know in my (our) marriage open and spoken expectations keep all things on the table and easy to talk about and deal with. There have been very few times we have found each other on different sides of an important issue because of this.

Together eight years, married four as of June.

It continues to get better as time goes by. The way we compliment each other - learning and taking the best from each other not only makes us better mates, but better adjusted well-rounded human beings.

But, you must be willing to compromise yourself with and for that person. If every time I had felt frustrated or challanged, and refused to compromise or subject myself to scutiny (from within and without), I would have walked away years ago, and been much poorer for having made that decision.

Alright! I'm a Marshall now. Much better than a Peavey, for Chrissakes!

Now, if in a few more posts, I can get to ''66 Blackface Bandmaster' I'll be spot on......

I'm hoping someone at some point will say how CRAP marriage is, so that this doesn't look like something that would be on the 700 Club website or something. Aren't there a bunch of rock and rollers on here?

Angus Jung wrote:I'm hoping someone at some point will say how CRAP marriage is, so that this doesn't look like something that would be on the 700 Club website or something. Aren't there a bunch of rock and rollers on here?

Oh shit, here's my cue.

My marriage ended in a painful divorce. Add to this, I was no longer living with my daughter.

We were together for 3 years, and then married for 5. I was a husband and a father at age 21. We were happy for awhile, but she had many unresolved life issues that I couldn't fix. And I tried.

She kicked me out in early '97. She wanted to "be free". (WTF??)

It was the best thing that ever happened to me, looking back.

Of course I've been in and out of court - divorce, child support, visitation issues, etc.

Flash forward to 2002 - she went nuts, started smoking speed (and who knows what else) - me and my girlfreind took the kid, got child protective services involved, etc.

I now have full custody, and the x has disappeared.


I'm engaged, we are getting married next year. I couldn't be happier.

It's all about having the wisdom to make the right choices. Unfortunately, wisdom is not something I had at 21.

Moral of the story? If one of you needs therapy, get it professionally before the wedding. Or bail, if that seems wiser.

Holy crap I just learnt a bunch about people on this board. You guys are all old and married

I respect that.

For me, marriage (21 months) has been one of the few contexts I've submitted myself to that has actually been catalytical in forcing me to cast off (and in some cases, purge out) my rather egocentric and wildly unrealistic adolescent fantasies about life. (Which, considering I turn 31 soon is probably appropriate.)

There really hasn't been anything else that's exacted the type of change I've had to go through in comparison to being married. (Well, there was, but the personal details of my childhood abuse is really best left off public forums.)

And while not wanting to in any way whatsoever to give marriage and abuse (whether emotional, mental, physical, or sexual) some sort of weird parity, the thing about both these events is that there is a fundamental underlying kernel of trauma associated with both, if one is willing to accept trauma as an event or situation causing distress or disruption.

Abuse will do that, as I'm sure many on this forum have experienced, as will death or a loved one, and as, in my experience, has marriage.

And I'm wanting to say this is a good thing. Without the neccesary disruption and distress (trauma) that my marriage has created, I may not have needed to question and evaluate long held dogmatic beliefs which ultimately would have continued to have detrimental effects on my development as a human(e) being.

(Please understand, I am NOT saying abuse of any kind is ever "good" - it is not - but simply that trauma can be an effective catalyst for change, if one will allow it to be.)

Slavoj Žižek's writing on Lacan's theory of psychoanalysis further elucidates this, and have been the most significant and enjoyable books I've read in the last 10 years.

Anyway, I digress.

Marriage - NOT crap.

bdp

I vote not crap even though I'm single. I really like the idea of disovering a spot in someone's life where you nicely fit while simultaneously realizing there is a spot in your life that this person jives with as well.

Haven't found that person yet, but I'm open to the idea. I'm also really down with my brothers' marriages. If and when its my turn I'll have plentiful sources for advice.

Salut to the marriage, young love! I likes it the very much you're happiness!


T

I know this is old, but due to recent turns of events in my personal life I must give marriage a big giant floating CRAP.
Then another, heavier CRAP on top of it.
Then I wash it all down with a giant cup of CRAP flavored CRAP.
When it's all settled down I call the CRAP collector to come pick up this CRAP.
He comes in his CRAP van, loaded with other people's CRAP and throws my CRAP in the back.
With that, it's off to the CRAP-fill with this marriage CRAP.

I've gotta say "not crap."

I just got married last month (23rd) and have to say that it was one of the best days of my life. Up until my own, I've hated weddings and all the crappy stress that is involved, but with both families and friends helping out and supporting us, it was truly amazing. It was the obvious step for us after living together for six years. The only real surprise was that sex got much better... I would've never guessed that considering that we both don't want kids.

Now... That being said... if it was to end, I would be a broken, surly, jaded mess, and I would make a point of "crapping" all over these forums like our 'Marsupialized' friend before me. Divorce looks like a bitch, especially if there are kids involved.

Sorry for singling you out 'Marsupialized', but if I was divorced, I'd write something like that.