NerblyBear wrote:but real men don't get tied down until after they've achieved their life purpose.

Ha. This is funny. Ha Ha Ha. What else do "real men" do? And so wrong on so many levels.

the$inmusicisallmine wrote:

NerblyBear wrote:but real men don't get tied down until after they've achieved their life purpose.

Ha. This is funny. Ha Ha Ha. What else do "real men" do? And so wrong on so many levels.

The Tyke wrote:

the$inmusicisallmine wrote:

NerblyBear wrote:but real men don't get tied down until after they've achieved their life purpose.

Ha. This is funny. Ha Ha Ha. What else do "real men" do? And so wrong on so many levels.

fixed.

Joseph wrote:I've found that romantic relationships bring out the absolute worst in me, probably because I hook up with troubled women who make me miserable. I'm already an angry person, thus I don't need to be provoked to lash out all the time by someone I'm living with. <snip>

It took at least three years to get over my first break-up because it was so horrible (we hit each other, she cheated on me, etc.). <snip>

Interactions are complex and nuanced, and I agree that crazy can rub off on a person. It's stressful as all get out.

However, crazy is never going to completely go away, whether in a relationship, a coworker or passing you on the street. Besides, even wonderful people have flaws, hard times and moments of batshit nuttery. We are all imperfect.

You can't make crazy disappear forever. The only thing you can definitely control is your reaction to crazy. Included in the ways we react is setting limits (or not) on seriously transgressive behavior (I think you encountered a lot of that in your story above). We can react to crazy by limiting its access to our lives.

I would also say, though, that based on your language, you need to take control of and accountability for your own reactions. No doubt there was a lot of provocation, but you are still someone who yelled. Instead of walking away and breaking up, you also hit your worst-ever-ex - mutual abuse or not, it's still something that you didn't have to do. Some people are messed up and set up frightful dynamics, but no one forces you to take part.

You are responsible for your own happiness and how you react to other people. Staying, yelling, lashing out, hitting - these are all things that, no matter what awful provocations were happening, you didn't have to do. You could have done something else.

Walking away and not talking to someone is always a choice, and often a very good one.

the$inmusicisallmine wrote:What else do "real men" do?

Real Men Love Jesus. (I dunno if that particular bumper sticker has made it out of the South yet, so forgive me if my joke makes no sense.)

Cheer up, Emotive Doudes!

bumble wrote:I would also say, though, that based on your language, you need to take control of and accountability for your own reactions. No doubt there was a lot of provocation, but you are still someone who yelled. Instead of walking away and breaking up, you also hit your worst-ever-ex - mutual abuse or not, it's still something that you didn't have to do. Some people are messed up and set up frightful dynamics, but no one forces you to take part.

Jeez, that's for sure. I certainly did things in my first relationship that I'll never do again (i.e., hit someone or stay with someone who hits me), but I still make the same mistakes over and over again when it comes to hooking up with questionable women, which is frustrating as all hell. Before I hooked up with my ex, I dated a really unappreciative and passive-aggressive woman for a couple of months. After a couple months of her abuse, I broke things off with her. I felt really good about myself cos I'd entered a bad relationship but had the good sense to leave it when it became unbearable instead of sticking around like I usually do. Immediately following my break-up with that first girl, I hooked up with my ex, who was even more passive-aggressive and mean-spirited than the first girl. It took me a full year and a half to realize I'd done the same thing I always do. Bummer.

Mr Rut,

I'm probably reiterating what has already been said here, but finding a good therapist would do you good. There are reasons why a person like you would be very attracted to a person like the lady you're talking about, and they're definitely not that she is the lady you're meant for. Have a look on tinterwebs for someone practicing psychotherapy who sounds like they might be okay or talk to someone you know who has had a good therapy experience and get a recommendation. Go meet one, be open, see how you feel and if they don't feel right fuck them off and try again. I went into therapy after a relationship similar to the one you describe (I won't go into details, but I really really fucking needed it) and found out why it all was like it was. Now she just seems like another girl, out there in the world. I have affection for her and always will, but she's not the one for me, man.

Seriously, well done for bringing this up on here.

Be well.
John emo-as-you-fucking-like-whatever-this-stuff-happens Heeley

in a rut wrote:
I met a girl who I was blown away with, and in hindsight, it was mostly due to how extraordinarily attractive she was. Besides that, and great sex, she was a very, very smart girl, and we had similar taste in books, movies, etc. It seemed incredible. Well, right from the start, she “warned” me that she was crazy. I am far from stable (obviously) so I didn’t think much of it. The first night we met (in a bar) I was having unprotected sex with her two hours after meeting her…my mistake too, but a certain recklessness which made me think. Over the first few months, I slowly got more and more information…she was 25 and already had two abortions, was raped by a step-brother as a child, was on Lithium and drinking HEAVILY. I didn’t think of these things as problems, I wanted to think of them as the “past,” though the medication and drinking and increasingly bizarre behavior should have made things a bit clearer to me. She would call me three to four times a day, want to hang out every night, etc. I tried to explain that I need a certain amount of alone time, and that I needed even more than usual because I was finishing an album of which I was writing, playing, and recording every single part. She often used sex to make me stay the night, which of course I caved into.

About 4 or 5 years ago I was in a mess like this... honestly the above was so close I was going to ask you if it was the same girl...

I met a girl who was really hot, intelligent, and really charming. She was also very damaged she had been raped by her step brother and a neighbor growing up, what is worse is that her mother knew of this (that rape by her brother) and did very little to nothing about it. As above she had 2 abortions before I met her. She was not in cousleing or on medication (at the start of our relationship) she could not keep a job for more than a few weeks as there was always some sort of conflict. she also liked to freak out and claim she knew she was pregnant all the time (we always used condoms) I always gave her as much lee-way as I could, she did not have the easiest life to say the least. I found her a place that would offer her free cousleing. anyway it got to the point where she was calling me at work and freaking out almost everyday. and I couldn't deal with her, so I had to call it off. I just couldn't take it any more, as always I found out she hooked up with someone the very night we broke up.

for about 3 months she would turn up at my work from time to time (a 45 minute drive from her apartment) and called all the time and beg me to see her again. I couldn't have it.

Anyway fastforward I ran into her on tour (she myspaced us) and she is married, in cousleing, on meds (she had horrible panic attacks the whole time we were dating) and told me she confronted her family about the rape and they are working through it, and that she has held a job for more than 6 months. She appolgised for the shit she had put me through. I was very happy for her it was good to see her life has come together.

Crazy is good. Just be sure it's the kind of crazy that understands complex
syntax...

...oh, and the kind of crazy that doesn't stab you in the neck. I speak from
experience on this one.

'Crazy' is like 'Bitch'. Both expressions are responses to being misunderstood.