Sock OR Muffin? wrote:wiggins wrote:So anyway, it's Sunday afternoon, and I go to sit in my normal little covey to do my interwebsing, and there's a scrabble board left out from last night. On the board someone had spelled out the following:
Wow.
Marietta = Cobb County = Denial of evolutionary theory. Come down to Decatur Wiggins, we're not as nutty here.
I can't express how bad I want to, especially after the following exchange, that happened about an hour after my scrabble find:
A man was entering the bathroom as I was leaving after a nice leak. (it's worth mentioning the graffiti on the stall wall: "ozzy rules" etc.) I go back to my cubby hole and put my headphones on, and about 10 seconds later, there's a tap on my shoulder and that same man is leaning over me with toilet paper in his hand and says:
"hey man, why don't you take this and go clean the toilet you just pissed all over"
Utterly astonished, I say the first thing that comes to my mind: "It wasn't me."
"Come on man, be an adult and clean up your mess" So, not really knowing what was going on, I threw off my headphones and start walking towards the bathroom, which is down the hall from the main room at the coffee shop. As I passed him I said audibly: "Why don't you get your panties in a wad about it, asshole." So I go look at the toilet and start walking out again, fuming, and the guy walks in the door and hands me a bottle of spray cleaner and says:
"Here, take this and do it right."
That's when I flipped.
"Fuck you, man, why don't you do what everyone else including me has to do when we have to take a shit, and clean the fucking toilet your fucking self."
"YOU pissed all over it!"
"What, were you standing in there with me, or something? Fuck you, get the fuck out of my way"
"Now, lets calm down, we're both adults here, just go clean the toilet, man"
"You do it, mother fucker, what are you, OCD? Get the fuck out of my way"
"Boy, Imma bout to beat your ass"
"You're gonna kick my ass over a toilet seat? You're 20 years older than me"
"Boy, I'm not playin with you"
That was when he took the spray cleaner and sprayed me twice in the face, and tried to skinhead-kick me. This guy had one of those northface windbreaker jackets with the zip-up collar, oakley shades complete with strap resting on his shaven head - eyebrows and all.
I say "Fucking hit me, you fucking pussy. Hit me. If you're gonna beat my ass, do it, you fucking pussy fuck."
I take one step towards him and he puts his "dukes" up - I've never been in a fight before, and I wasn't about to take one in the face so I hesitated. I yelled some more derogatory terms at him and yelled "HEY"' really loud so someone might hear me. SOMEhow, I get past him and start walking down the hall. At this point I'm nervous and shaking, I have clorox all over my face and all I can think of is getting him to chase me down and hit me, so I'm taunting him "Beat my ass, dude, you're a man, right?"
So I walked into the main room and talked to the barista, with clorox dripping off my face saying "I can't believe this shit, that guy just tried to beat my ass etc etc" around that time, an acquaintance of mine who was sitting next to me came up and asked what was going on. I wipe my face off and go pack up my computer and the dude comes out and tries to deny everything, saying he was "37 years old, I didn't kick anybody" etc etc and he gets eternally banned from Cool Beans.
In hindsight, I should have called the cops, and if he had hit me, I would have, but I wasn't going to go through the trouble over a toilet seat.
I'm still pissed about it, 24 hours later - I've never almost-been-in-a-fight since I was like, 12, and I've never been in a fight before, especially with a grown fucking man. I called my dad later, who I try not to curse around, you know, cause he's my dad, and relayed the story sans the colorful language and he says "did you tell him to fuck himself?" It was almost worth it hearing my dad say that.
Fin.
