[quote="skatingbasser"] And for some of you older guys, just in case it's been too long for you to remember, young high school girls are fucking crazy.

grizzled old dude/
dude, they are women, they are all fucking crazy. you just have to find one that is the kind of crazy you like.
/grizzled old dude.

Crap.

IMHO......

...Hooking up with older women is Ok.

...Not dating them.

An interesting question here.

I'm willing to bet I qualify as an "older" person here---I'm 32, so sue me---but during most of my so-called adulthood, I've dated women who are younger than me. I guess appearing younger, and having a "youthful lifestyle," has worked in my favor to a certain degree. Recently, I've gone out with women around 23-26, though it's not by choice. It's just happened that way. I live in a "college town."

Lately, though, I've been wanting to date someone older. Older than me. For emotional maturity, intellectual stimulation, experience, etc.

But here's the rub: the few times I've been out with older women---say, 35-ish---I've barely even made their acquaintance before I'm quizzed about matters such as marriage, children, future goals, geographic preferences, etc. There's an urgency there that I almost find disconcerting. I almost expect a blood test, IQ test, and lie-detector test within the first hour. My friends, most of whom prefer dating older women, have also noted this phenomenon.

Hopefully, this doesn't sound sexist or ageist. I'm sure it does, but it isn't intended that way.

IceManCometh wrote:But here's the rub: the few times I've been out with older women---say, 35-ish---I've barely even made their acquaintance before I'm quizzed about matters such as marriage, children, future goals, geographic preferences, etc. There's an urgency there that I almost find disconcerting. I almost expect a blood test, IQ test, and lie-detector test within the first hour. My friends, most of whom prefer dating older women, have also noted this phenomenon.

I think the key is not to find someone who feels their clock is ticking so they go on "speed dates," or a woman who has been really wronged.
You know who are really fun on dates? Women who married really boring, but basically OK guys, and then split.

These women, I've found, are really cool because they don't care about the bullshit, they just want to hang out with someone who's, shock, *nice* to them. Novel idea, that. It's easy to be nice to an interesting person, and often times they are just that. I guess it depends on where you live, but in a good college town or a city, there are many.

Long before this whole Cougar phenomenon, there were plenty of cool women whose marriages didn't work out for one reason or another, but weren't scorned either. I always found women like this to be really cool, easy going, and really damn interesting. When I was 20 or so, I introduced a lot of my 30 year old male friends to 40, 45 year old women that met this description. Why I didn't take care of myself first I have no idea.

Later, I went out with a couple of women who were older than me and it was a great experience.

-A

Alex, I actually agree with all of that. There are many women out there who fit that description, and I've come across them. For instance, one of my best friends is dating a 36-year-old single mother. The woman's a knock-out, brilliant, and successful. The first month they were dating, it was "hey, no pressures...let's just have fun." A month in, the tone changed, and subtle questions leading to other not-to-subtle questions ensued. By no means am I implying that this is the norm. It's only the norm in my experience, and his as well. It seems like the attitude you describe is a transitory phase, kind of like that initial dizzy spell of freedom. Maybe I'm wrong. Who knows. It certainly interests me, however, as I'm just slightly younger than that demographic and a "dating" male.

I guess the trick is to find someone whose clock isn't ticking. At least, not that loudly or urgently. Problem is, this is hard to tell until you hear the ticking (in the form of these questions) yourself.

---

IceManCometh wrote: A month in, the tone changed, and subtle questions leading to other not-to-subtle questions ensued. By no means am I implying that this is the norm. It's only the norm in my experience, and his as well. It seems like the attitude you describe is a transitory phase, kind of like that initial dizzy spell of freedom.

If I had to guess, it's because there is a child involved. If there was no child, or the child was an adult, things would be different.

Who can blame your friend's girlfriend? She has to look out for her own. She probably wants the kid to have a father figure, which is admirable. What's also admirable is for the male to speak up if he feels that's not really his role. That saves feelings later and keeps the mother from wasting her time. 90% of the BS in a relationship can be avoided if everyone speaks up early when ideals differ.

Find a 45 year old who's never had children, or who's child has left the nest, and it's a different scenario entirely. I swear.

-A

CT, ha---you're right, of course. Though it literally takes someone to bring this to my attention, because it doesn't feel that I'm in that same demographic. How did this happen? It's like that old Hemingway quote from Sun Also Rises about going bankrupt: how did this happen? Slowly and suddenly. Wow, I am in my 30s.

Hm, Alex, I see a "new year's resolution" in the making. Something to try. I'm certainly not against the idea, and, once again, you have a point. Maybe it was the kid thing. I can't imagine how that would change a person's behavior, considering I'm nowhere near being a parent myself.

Damn, I edited my post too.

Depends on if she has children, and if so, how old, and if there's another man around because of it.

Meh.