mattw wrote:Ok, you know how Hollywood is all crazy about mentally challenged/handicapped/disabled roles, right? Sean Penn in I Am Sam (a travesty), Rain Man, Forrest Gump, the list goes on and on. Usually, they hand out Oscars automatically for that sort of thing because it is supposedly "difficult" to act retarded.
Well, here's something we haven't seen before: Samuel L. Jackson as a mentally challenged southern Baptist preacher. There's a back story (used to be normal, something affected his brain, but still preaches) and a conflict (has an affair with one of the boys in the congregation named Spuds).
A shitstorm ensues (you could have a field day with casting--just throw in all of the black actors that are routinely cast in films: Denzel, Cuba, Jamie Foxx, Morgan, maybe even Cedric the Entertainer or Bernie Mac for occasional comic relief). His wife could be played by Angela Bassett and his daughter could be played by Beyonce (Jay-Z could do the soundtrack, you see where I'm goin' with this). Script would be pretty standard format (setup, conflict, denouement, resolution, warm happy ending).
There are endless opportunities for classic SLJ moments in a movie like this. Spittin' and spewin' fire-and-brimstone type stuff, "THE LAWD GIVETH AND HE TAKETH AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" It's also a chance for one of the best actors of his generation to finally get some Academy Award recognition.
So basically, the pastor has one last shot at redemption. I know what you're saying: SLJ wouldn't do this movie. Yeah, right. He did Snakes On A Plane. He'll do this.
Take out the kiddie fucking elements and we may have something here, retards are hot right now you are correct in that. pedophiles are not.
Just a word of warning if you are serious about moving on this, having one big name colored actor in your film is hard enough to deal with let alone an entire cast of them. They never show up on time, they are high, they have a million people around them at all times, drug dealers and gangbangers coming around, etc....they'll always wanna argue about their lines and their dressing rooms and their limos and everything else....at least a few of your cast will be arrested for something or other before it's all said and done, probably murder.
If I were you I'd change it to talking sheep or something, you can still have one be a retarded preacher but he'll just preach to the other sheep and instead of a church it's a farm or wherever sheep live. A field I guess.
steve wrote:davesec wrote:these three old men want to buy a boat but don't have the money, so they split on it. then throughout the movie they all soon discover that sharing the boat won't be too easy. at the end of the movie we find out one of the old men is actually a ghost.
Change the boat to a bowling alley and I'll fund it myself. And have a couple of hot waitresses in the bar.
I'd have them inherit a dildo shop from their lesbian daughters.
2 crusty mean old fucks selling butt plugs to leather boys, it writes itself.
You know, they learn to accept the gays or whatever.
alandeus wrote:"Marty, the Milliner" - a story of a young man who goes to work for an independent hatmaker.
Hilarity ensues when the boss asks Marty to make not a hat, but a CAP. Marty refuses this assignment, stating plainly that "I should like not to."
Prospective leads: Hilary Swank as "Marty" and Werner Klemperer as "The Boss."
I don't know who let you in here, but you are wasting everyone's time.
Christopher J. McGarvey wrote:These three loser guys (I'm thinking David Cross, Brian Posehn and Patton Oswalt) are walking by an alley, they hear this sound coming from a dumpster. They look inside and they see a baby. They stand around for 5 minutes or so freaking out and acting like spazzes before they decide to take the baby to their home. They aren't smart enough to call the cops and report it so they start taking care of the baby themselves. As I'm sure you can imagine, much hilarity ensues. Should be a good diaper changing scene or two in there. I'm thinking baby diarrhea eruption.
I'm not sure whether or not I should bring the mother in as a source of conflict because that seems kind of too expected.
I'm also not sure if the baby should talk or not.
On the plus side, everyone loves movies with talking babies.
On the negative side, talking babies is due to be played out any day now.
I guess timing is the real factor here.
I call it, "Three Men and A Dumpster Baby".
How about they find a gun and come to my office and shoot me in the face, and my last words are 'thank you, I couldn't sit and listen to that fucking asshole prattle on about his stupid three men fucking a baby movie any longer' NEXT!
Ty Webb wrote:CGI Jack Black's head on a toddler's body. Kevin Bacon spends the entire movie trying to seduce and molest the preternaturally precocious, wisecracking, hyper-mugging youngster, who's always one step ahead of the wicked yet lovable pedophile. They're in constant contact because naturally Bacon is the janitor at an orphanage.
You need a subplot to add warmth and to ease the horror of pedophilia, so Kevin Bacon's clueless ex-wife, played by Renee Zellweger, is barren. Upon meeting the proto-Black, she instantly falls in love with the tyke and launches an all-out effort to adopt him. Hilarity ensues and all three are united by the end of the movie, with the integrity of Black's asshole a big, enticing question mark, inviting a blockbuster sequel.
You are the second person to pitch me a kiddie fucking flick today.
I thought I was pretty up on what's hot, but I guess I missed the boat on this whole pedophile craze. Tell you what, you go home and you write me a script with more kiddie fucking scenes than your average boy scouts camping trip and we just may be in business.
Rick Reuben wrote:Marsupialized reminds me of freedom