i can already picture the trailer:
sound of needle going down on record.
faux-tinny fidelity:
"c'mon baby light my fire... c'mon baby light my fire..."
slow zoom on little girl who is supposed to look "weird" or "troubled" (of course, in a completely stereotypical mainstream goth way -- think "emily the strange"). fade in reverse gate and reverb sounds (a la poltergeist), a low rumble and a high whine as the shot gradually turns thermographic.
"try to set the night on... fiiiiiiiire!"
suddenly, high speed cuts of the female lead backflipping around torching stuff to the strains of the theme song "Inferna (Ashes of Truth)" as realized by Evanescence and mastered faceslappingly loud.
critics say
"Hotter than Underworld"
"...searing intensity..."
"She's a firefox"
Inferna. Burning down theatres septober 10th.
Pitch me a movie
92Dude! I want to see this movie!
Does she wear a white nightgown and get drenched with water at some point?
Does she wear a white nightgown and get drenched with water at some point?
You had me at Sex Traction Aunts Getting Vodka-Rogered On Glass Furniture
Pitch me a movie
93depends on the mpaa. we're shooting for no raunchier than pg-13 here -- gotta bring out the teens, and not just teen boys. i suppose that flies, but wet hair may be strategically arranged for coverage.
ps: possible videogame tie-in.
ps: possible videogame tie-in.
Pitch me a movie
94well my idea is for a play..but it could work on the silver screen too.
alright.
remember the Divine Comedy?
how about
THE INFERNO: THE MUSICAL
except it's actually kind of a comedy..basically Dante's vocal chords get a stretch as he walks through the 9 rings singing about the evils of gluttony and the horror of the three-headed dog. tons of fun.
woody allen as a neurotic virgil? i think so.
maybe even some parodies of some major stuff like "i'm burnin' in the flames" or "old man river".. maybe some stuff from cabaret?
..plus there's no copyright infringement to get fussy about (not talking about the showboat or singin' in the rain though)
hmm..that's all i got.
alright.
remember the Divine Comedy?
how about
THE INFERNO: THE MUSICAL
except it's actually kind of a comedy..basically Dante's vocal chords get a stretch as he walks through the 9 rings singing about the evils of gluttony and the horror of the three-headed dog. tons of fun.
woody allen as a neurotic virgil? i think so.
maybe even some parodies of some major stuff like "i'm burnin' in the flames" or "old man river".. maybe some stuff from cabaret?
..plus there's no copyright infringement to get fussy about (not talking about the showboat or singin' in the rain though)
hmm..that's all i got.
Pitch me a movie
95Adam CR wrote:Ok, bear with me a moment.
We had those 70s remakes, yup? Charlie's Angels, Starsky and Hutch, Farley and Hardjob...um...Rockford Files, Bluesuite's Caravan of Detectives, that other one with the guy...and the guy does that thing and there's all those tickets...er...and the train?
Anyway, you get the idea.
So I'm thinking 'know what's gonna be real big next?' and I'm thinking and thinking and then it comes to me: animal buddy movies.
You know like BJ and the Bear, and that one with Clint Eastwood and the monkey, and Cannonball Run...ok, that was a retard, not an animal, but you get the idea...
Those movies were real big back in the 70s and 80s, and now with computers and morphing, they're gonna be real big again.
Here's the deal:
There's this ex-marine guy (Lenny) who's seen a lot of bad shit (flashbacks to 'Nam) and he's just sitting in his cabin, in a swamp...or mountain, whatever, and he's drinking and being ONE SAD, LONELY SACK OF SHIT!
Then the mail-guy calls one day and there's this letter from a distant relatives lawyer telling him that he's inherited some stuff, and he should come and pick it up. Our guy drives his rusty pickup out to the dead-guy's place and finds...you ready for this?..his relative has left him a koala and a yak.
At first Lenny's all 'I don't need no koala and a yak', but over the next ten minutes, through a few heart-warming scenes involving wrestling and sports we see Lenny coming to love his new koala and yak friends.
He names them Kenny and...Yakky? Whatever...it doesn't matter.
Anyway, Lenny returns (with Kenny and Yakky) home to find another letter...no, not a letter...he finds the head of the secret security someshit...like the CIA or something. The security guy tells him that theres a plot to poison the water...or the trees...maybe trees because of Kenny being koala?
Anyway, there's this plot and Lenny is the only one who can stop the plotters...Russian gangsters, or Arabs or something. Lenny takes some convincing, but says 'ok, but I need my koala and yak buddies'.
The CIA guy needs some convincing but says 'ok, but don't mess up'.
The rest of the movie is all running and fighting, and the Arab/Russian/whatever bad-guys all have animal buddies too...maybe camels or Russian...bears? Whatever they have...
There are plenty of laughs and thrills along the way...it's a roller-coaster ride.
There's probably a scene where Lenny is walking with Kenny and Yakky down the street, and a drunk guy double-takes and throws his bottle away.
The closing scene is Lenny and Kenny and Yakky walking up the Whitehouse drive, soldiers lining the drive and throwing their hats in the air and cheering. Yakky would catch a hat on one of his enormous horns, Lenny, Kenny and Yakky would catch each other's eyes. The audience would be swept-up in the moment of man-animal pride and brotherhood.
There should be a few scenes where Lenny get's it on with a lady; it's important that the audience doesn't suspect a yak/man/koala sex-love-thing.
This is the worst idea I have ever heard. I do this all day every day, people come in and tell me their ideas and I say yes or no...all day long, monday thru friday. I've heard thousands....probably closing in a million ideas and none have been anywhere near as bad as this one.
There is not one second, not one sentence of this horrid shit that I could in any way shape or form use. Were you serious? Please tell me that was a joke just to get in the door, if it was it worked...you are here...now tell me the REAL idea....the one you have that does not eat a rats cock out of a mouse's ass....
burndaddy wrote:Set in Qaanaq Greenland, our story is about a talking bicycle and a hermaphroditic ex-porn sta...I'm sorry, have you heard this one before?
I'm listening, go ahead...
trilonaut wrote:Inferna. She has nothing left to lose... and a flamethrower.
a girl's parents are killed in a mysterious fire and somehow this causes her vision to become forever thermographic. kids always wonder why she stares at radiators, steam vents and whatnot. she grows into a voluptuous pyromaniac laying waste to city blocks with special flamethrowers she builds in her volcano lair. these scenes alternate between thermographic views of the flames and standard shots of flickering light and shadow on her teen-idol form as she pouts about, burning stuff up. the one day she's finally caught by the authorities, but they have to let her free when earth is attacked by incredibly powerful yet flammable aliens who only seem to be susceptible to her unique weaponry only she knows how to use. after she takes out all the CGI aliens and the token latex puppet one, she goes onto their ship and takes it to their leader -- the same mysterious fire which killed her parents. dramatic ambient music with hints of cheesy techno plays as she unzips her flame-retardant one-piece and walks into the flames, gasping sensually (through a flanger) as she and the fire become one and dissipate into a wisp of eldritch CGI. a constellation of ashes drifts to earth and floats, ever-spinning, over the spot where her parents were killed. credits roll, with an IDM track featuring the bulgarian women's choir. the soundtrack, which is never actually used in the movie, features evanescence, otep and arch enemy.
(edit: added flame-retardant)
Take out the aliens and add demons and satan and we are in buisness.
Why would aliens be on fire?
Yeah, have her go thru hell, all the levels then fight satan.
Not bad, not bad at all. Maybe even fight Jesus after that. No wait, I got it....she'll team up with satan to take over heaven! Oh whatever, she's in hell fighting demons at some point the rest will come....Yeah, I like that. She's gotta have HUGE tits, too. Like HUGE tits.
sonianervosa wrote:well my idea is for a play..but it could work on the silver screen too.
alright.
remember the Divine Comedy?
how about
THE INFERNO: THE MUSICAL
except it's actually kind of a comedy..basically Dante's vocal chords get a stretch as he walks through the 9 rings singing about the evils of gluttony and the horror of the three-headed dog. tons of fun.
woody allen as a neurotic virgil? i think so.
maybe even some parodies of some major stuff like "i'm burnin' in the flames" or "old man river".. maybe some stuff from cabaret?
..plus there's no copyright infringement to get fussy about (not talking about the showboat or singin' in the rain though)
hmm..that's all i got.
We already have a hell-based flick in the works, a chick with huge tits fights satan or something. You are more than welcom to submit a script if you like, just think huge tits and fire and satan and demons and maybe jesus.
Bring me whatcha got tommorrow, we'll give it a look see.
Rick Reuben wrote:Marsupialized reminds me of freedom
Pitch me a movie
96How about this one?
We have a really shady Hollywood producer type who has greasy hair, wears a polyester suit (powder blue), a greasy mustache, a pile of cocaine and a wet bar in his office. I'm thinking James Woods would be good.
He solicits a bunch of nobody hacks from an Internet Message Board to give him a bunch of movie ideas that he can steal without paying a penny. Once he has glommed on to some kind of exploitation story that sounds like it could be cheaply made, he strikes with the speed of a cobra, and has the original author snuffed.
He then has some pneumatic never-was screenwriter create a script, then has him/her snuffed. He then hires a bunch of nobody actors (Hollywood's full of them) at a discount and shoots low budget (indie cred), all the women are naked, and at the end of this slag fest, everyone-including the hero-is eaten by zombies. Literally. It saves on paychecks to the actors. There is no morality tale here, only senseless and very real violence.
I'll kill you if you steal this from me.
We have a really shady Hollywood producer type who has greasy hair, wears a polyester suit (powder blue), a greasy mustache, a pile of cocaine and a wet bar in his office. I'm thinking James Woods would be good.
He solicits a bunch of nobody hacks from an Internet Message Board to give him a bunch of movie ideas that he can steal without paying a penny. Once he has glommed on to some kind of exploitation story that sounds like it could be cheaply made, he strikes with the speed of a cobra, and has the original author snuffed.
He then has some pneumatic never-was screenwriter create a script, then has him/her snuffed. He then hires a bunch of nobody actors (Hollywood's full of them) at a discount and shoots low budget (indie cred), all the women are naked, and at the end of this slag fest, everyone-including the hero-is eaten by zombies. Literally. It saves on paychecks to the actors. There is no morality tale here, only senseless and very real violence.
I'll kill you if you steal this from me.
Pitch me a movie
97meet Lana, a high powered attorney lady. she's going home to meet her family for christmas. she gets on the plane and buckles her seat belt.
meanwhile, by the cockpit, a shady character sneaks out of his seat as the plane taxis on the runway. he ducks into the cabin and... "this is a hijacking!" the pilot freaks out... "what do you want?" "take me to argentina!" the hijacker replies. "fine," says the pilot and prepares for takeoff. "no," says the hijacker, "i'm afraid of flying. we must drive!"
and so they drive across the americas in the 747, clipping trees and running over cars, and eventually Lana and hte hijacker do it.
meanwhile, by the cockpit, a shady character sneaks out of his seat as the plane taxis on the runway. he ducks into the cabin and... "this is a hijacking!" the pilot freaks out... "what do you want?" "take me to argentina!" the hijacker replies. "fine," says the pilot and prepares for takeoff. "no," says the hijacker, "i'm afraid of flying. we must drive!"
and so they drive across the americas in the 747, clipping trees and running over cars, and eventually Lana and hte hijacker do it.
Pitch me a movie
98Marsupialized wrote:
This is the worst idea I have ever heard. I do this all day every day, people come in and tell me their ideas and I say yes or no...all day long, monday thru friday. I've heard thousands....probably closing in a million ideas and none have been anywhere near as bad as this one.
Ok, so I can see you're not ready for that yet.
I admit I wasn't sure myself, but I have something else for you! You're gonna like this...no! Love this! This is the one.
Animated. This is animation, ok?
Opening scene:
Camera soars above a forest, gathering speed as is swoops along amongst the tree-tops, then up...up...up the side of a mountain...we fly! Taking the audience (hearts in mouths) with us until...we settle on the tip of the most beautiful summit.
The camera drifts down to ground level where we find...a family of grazing yaks!
The doe-eyed, not a little sexy in a yak sort of way, mom-yak bends low and says to one of the kid-yaks:
"Yakky, are you ready to go to meet your father now?"
Yup, you got it! It's a prequel!
This movie follows the sometimes tragic, sometime hilarious journey of young Yakky from...wherever yaks come from...to...er..the swamp or mountain or whatever where Lenny meets him!
On the way he meets a friendly koala called Kenny.
There are some adventures too.
Title: One small yak.
Pitch me a movie
99The film Blood And Lace from 1971...Maybe a younger cast, just a few more gore scenes, it would be a rated R smash. Rob Zombie, where are you?
Pitch me a movie
100shagboy wrote:meet Lana, a high powered attorney lady. she's going home to meet her family for christmas. she gets on the plane and buckles her seat belt.
meanwhile, by the cockpit, a shady character sneaks out of his seat as the plane taxis on the runway. he ducks into the cabin and... "this is a hijacking!" the pilot freaks out... "what do you want?" "take me to argentina!" the hijacker replies. "fine," says the pilot and prepares for takeoff. "no," says the hijacker, "i'm afraid of flying. we must drive!"
and so they drive across the americas in the 747, clipping trees and running over cars, and eventually Lana and hte hijacker do it.
i laughed hard.
rocker654 wrote:He then has some pneumatic never-was screenwriter create a script, then has him/her snuffed. He then hires a bunch of nobody actors (Hollywood's full of them) at a discount and shoots low budget (indie cred), all the women are naked, and at the end of this slag fest, everyone-including the hero-is eaten by zombies. Literally. It saves on paychecks to the actors. There is no morality tale here, only senseless and very real violence.
I'll kill you if you steal this from me.
wow, real zombies? that's cool.