Hmmm...

Back when I was about 12 or 13, my friends and I would hang out at my one friend Jim's house quite a bit. This was in a slightly lower-middle class neighborhood. Riding our bikes around, you know...pretty harmless stuff.

Anyway, there was this one house (every neighborhood had one) where they were seriously DIRT POOR. The house hadn't been painted in years. They had about 8 or 9 kids milling around...three or four of them under the age of 4 usually. No grass in the yard. A beat up assed 15 year old Valiant in parked haphazardly in the drive. Think Gummo but on a smaller scale.

So one day about five of us are playing football or something in front of Jim's house when the mom of this family comes screaming up in the beater Valiant...shouting unintelligible crap at us. "Did you guys do it?!?! I know it was you guys who did it!!!!" This one half-deliquent friend of mine, Mark, didn't know what she was talking about but just for fun said "Yeah, I did it!"

Dirt mom yells:
"WELL HERE'S YOUR FUCKING SOAP BACK YOU MOTHERFUCKERS @##!!*@!!!!" etc etc...and starts throwing bars of soap out of the car window at us.

Apparently, someone else in the hood had driven by their house and 'donated' quite a few bars of soap to their front yard.
Very weird and hilarious when you're 13 years old.

A few years later this family got the health board called on them and the home was raided. They were using an aquarium as a toilet, had rats and roaches all over the house, feces all over the kitchen. Pretty sad.

Barbo wrote:While waiting in line at a Mexican food stand, a lady looked at me and told me that I had demons behind my eyes. She then recommended an exorcist.


Jon

I was in a pub in Glasgow with a couple of friends a few years back. A pretty terrible band called Hugh Reed and the Velvet Underpants were playing, and part of their show consisted of two women dressed in black leather and Nazi regalia, complete with gasmasks. While trying to have a couple of pints of Guiness and a chat amidst these unlikely surroundings, I was approached by a very agitated woman who repeatedly insisted that I was 'the devil in disguise' and that I had stolen her 'photies' (photos). It took all three of us about 20 minutes to convince her that this was not the case, and we eventually left when, having revealed that the missing pictures were of her children, she started sobbing uncontrollably.

Another memorable experience occured when I was about 19 and living in shitty Camden, in London. My friend Simon and I ill-advisedly went for an afternoon drink in a bar called Liberties. With the benefit of hindsight this was almost certainly a gay bar. We had a drink and a couple of cigarettes, and struck up a conversation with a friendly chap at the bar. With the benefit of hindsight he was almost certainly a louche old queen. He offered to buy us a drink, which being students we gratefully accepted. Amusingly I was going through an awful, and thouroughly affected, period of drinking Pernod, thus no doubt cementing the idea in this old guy's head that I was a friend of Dorothy. He then proceeded to repeatedly ask me if I wanted to work for him, cleaning his house and such. I politely declined the offer.
The best thing about the whole encounter was that he told Simon he had 'shifty eyes', and wouldn't trust him to clean his flat because 'he would steal the silver'. Or maybe Simon just didn't come across as gay as I did...

man when i was like five years old one of our neighbors had a retarded daughter who was four. i had to put up with her until she was six when they moved away. then life was good.

then like 2 years ago this retarded girl's mom recognizes me on the street (i of course have no fucking clue who she is) and starts asking me all these questions about me and my family etc etc and i'm trying to get her to knock it off and then she tells me she's going to meet up with her daughter and they're going to a movie and then she asks for my mom's phone number because she wants to get in touch with her. so i give my mom's number because i think this will send her on her way, and she whips out a cell phone, calls my mom right then and there and starts talking about how she just ran into me, and how we should all go to this movie together

and my motherfucking mother agrees to this goddamned horseshit and tells me on this random woman's cellphone to go to this movie and we'll all meet up

so i walk to the movies with this woman who won't shut up about her daughter, and those two years i lived next to her are flashing before my eyes and i don't want to do any of this.

so we get to the movie and wait in the lobby. the retarded daughter is already apparently in the theater. woman's cell phone rings. it's my mom calling to say she can't make it. great! so the woman (i STILL don't know her fucking name) goes and gets me this giant tub of popcorn and then ushers me in

it's a dark theater and there's about a thousand people sitting down and despite all this it takes me about half a second to pick out the crazy head-bobbing giant sitting in the second row. i mutter a quick 'please god let that not be her' prayer and the woman promptly herds me directly to the crazy head-bobbing giant sitting in the second row. i sit down and this 12-foot monolith spews out something incoherent and stares at me with crossed eyes and i say 'hi miranda' and stare resolutely at the bottom of the movie screen which is about 8 feet in front of me.

so the mom's pleased as punch and i'm wedged in between her and her oafish daughter who looks like a cross between a mountain and an old wizard with this giant bucket of popcorn on my lap. the daughter clearly doesn't remember who i am and doesn't even seem to be aware that i'm sitting next to her until about 20 minutes into the movie when she suddenly catches a whiff of popcorn and pluges her great hammy fist into my bucket of popcorn. and then she totally forgets that her hand is even there! we spent the rest of the entire fucking movie with her hand in the popcorn bucket, and i know there's probably going to be crude comments about what she was up to but i promise you she just totally forgot she owned a hand, and also that's disgusting.

so now i'm pretty much locked into my seat since miranda's goddamned hand weighs about as much as a log and then her mom starts talking to me in a loud voice in the middle of the movie. first she hisses out "ARE YOU GOING TO SCHOOL" and i whisper back YES and then she starts saying OH THAT'S GREAT, THAT'S JUST GREAT, GOOD GOLLY HOW GREAT THAT IS etc etc and i cannot fucking believe what is happening to me anymore

anyway the movie wraps up and i get invited to dinner and i tell them i'm busy. the mom asks me for my phone number and i give her a fake number. then the mom tells her daughter to 'say goodbye' and the daughter actually turns and stares at me for the second time ever and twists her face into this hideous contortion that well nigh threw me into convulsions and will stay with me for the rest of my life. then they took off and i went home and felt like crying for the rest of the night.

This thread rules....

Here's a weird celebrity encounter.

When I was sixteen and living in Wilmington, I had a friend named William who worked at the Carmike 16 Theater. I used to pick him up from work and he'd smoke me up, or we'd just hang out or whatever. No big deal. Same old thing pretty much every day.

Wilmington had been growing a lot as of that time...many movie studios were taking advantage of the scenery, as a few had done in the past. One such movie filmed in Wilmington, NC, was Blue Velvet, starring Dennis Hopper. He bought an apartment on Front St. in downtown Wilmington and would use it as his summer place or whatever. As a matter of fact, he bought a whole fucking building, had a stage built on the top floor, and called it Seven Stages. He opened it to the public, which was pretty cool. Lots of small productions went on there. On certain days, when I was really young, I remember seeing this guy with a crowd around him quite often whenever I was down there, but he always looked really pissed off. It was no strange occurrence to see Dennis Hopper just hanging out around Wilmington, especially downtown. He has since moved away, but the building still stands and continues to actively participate in local theatre.

Other celebs with places near or around Wilmington, NC:
Those Dawson's Creek folks
Those One Tree Hill kids
Pat Hingle
Al and Tip Tips

Well, I was at the movie theater one night, and William was working concessions. The place is really big, and when you first walk in, there's a big open tile floor area, with concession lines on each side. There's three registers to each concession line. There's movie pop-up stands, posters, and arcade machines. The place is fucking big. It's always crowded too, because there's not much to do in Wilmington.

Anyways, it was a Friday evening, around 7, and who comes walking in but Dennis fucking Hopper. At this point I had seen Easy Rider and Blue Velvet so I could appreciate the man's work. My biggest reaction was, okay, that's cool. It's Frank Booth. Whatever.

Not William, who is the biggest David Lynch fan I've ever met. He screams out, "BABY WANTS TO FUCK!" Hopper stops dead, looks directly at me, walks quickly towards me, pushes me back against the counter and goes "FUCK YOU SMARTASS! FUCK YOU!" He stormed out of the theater, stopping by to yell at the manager, all the while pointing to me. I was in shock. I didn't say shit, I didn't care to. I look at William. He turns blood red, and looks like he's about to either explode in tears or laughter.

Hopper leaves, the manager tells me to leave and not come back, and William gets fired.

When Dennis Hopper was yelling at me, I was seeing this:


Motherfucker's short too. And mean.

Beat that shit fuckers.

oh, and although this isn't a personal encounter it was still something

so in highschool there was this dude named sean horace who was such a loser and such an idiot and i just hated him so much. anyway he always talked about how he wanted to be a director and direct television shows and how much he loved party of five and everyone else was always thinking "not happening, idiot!" and basically he kept fucking up school and failing and skipping class and annoying the fuck out of everyone

anyway so he dropped out during the last year of highschool and good fucking riddance and all that, and then like 4 years later i was hanging out at home eating chips and i turned on the tv and who do i see but sean fucking horace talking about how he's always wanted to direct television shows!

and i just about shit my pants in disgust and crank the volume and sure enough it's like this weird documentary or something and sean's sitting in this little chair and talking about how he's always wanted to do it. and then the screen fades to black and there's some other random girl about my age with horrible acne talking about how she's always wanted to be a ballerina or something, and then the screen fades to black again and then it opens up to these big black letters that say "WHAT DO ALL THESE KIDS HAVE IN COMMON?" and it fades to black for a few seconds and then opens up again: "THEY'RE ALL HOMELESS"

and it turns out it was just this extended commercial showing that homeless street kids can still have dreams or somethign!!! it totally fucking ruled!! i called up all my friends and i would have given someone a high five if they had been in the room with me and to this day it still brings a giant vindictive smile to my face.

davesec wrote:oh, and although this isn't a personal encounter it was still something

so in highschool there was this dude named sean horace who was such a loser and such an idiot and i just hated him so much. anyway he always talked about how he wanted to be a director and direct television shows and how much he loved party of five and everyone else was always thinking "not happening, idiot!" and basically he kept fucking up school and failing and skipping class and annoying the fuck out of everyone

anyway so he dropped out during the last year of highschool and good fucking riddance and all that, and then like 4 years later i was hanging out at home eating chips and i turned on the tv and who do i see but sean fucking horace talking about how he's always wanted to direct television shows!

and i just about shit my pants in disgust and crank the volume and sure enough it's like this weird documentary or something and sean's sitting in this little chair and talking about how he's always wanted to do it. and then the screen fades to black and there's some other random girl about my age with horrible acne talking about how she's always wanted to be a ballerina or something, and then the screen fades to black again and then it opens up to these big black letters that say "WHAT DO ALL THESE KIDS HAVE IN COMMON?" and it fades to black for a few seconds and then opens up again: "THEY'RE ALL HOMELESS"

and it turns out it was just this extended commercial showing that homeless street kids can still have dreams or somethign!!! it totally fucking ruled!! i called up all my friends and i would have given someone a high five if they had been in the room with me and to this day it still brings a giant vindictive smile to my face.

Beat. Didn't take long.

davesec wrote:Tells a fucked up story involving a movie, a mentally-challenged woman, her mother, and a bucket of popcorn.

Why didn't you just lie and say you already had other plans?

Steve V. wrote:
Not William, who is the biggest David Lynch fan I've ever met. He screams out, "BABY WANTS TO FUCK!" Hopper stops dead, looks directly at me, walks quickly towards me, pushes me back against the counter and goes "FUCK YOU SMARTASS! FUCK YOU!" He stormed out of the theater, stopping by to yell at the manager, all the while pointing to me. I was in shock. I didn't say shit, I didn't care to. I look at William. He turns blood red, and looks like he's about to either explode in tears or laughter.

That right there is a slice of fried gold!

I walked past Morrissey in the street once, but I couldn't muster up the courage to say anything to him at all, so no humour or weirdness there.

Another time I was stuck behind a really fat guy in the Post Office, I mean the guy was so wide he blocked off the entire aisle, and I was getting annoyed because I was in a hurry, and then I realised it was Robbie Coltrane. Once again I said nothing.
Maybe I should start a new thread called 'Boring Encounters (with celebrities)'...

On my way to work this morning I was stopped at a red light. I happened to glance in my rearview mirror this morning at the driver of a van behind me. I briefly noted the fact that he looked similar to an old friend who currently lives in New York. At the next light I looked again just to evaluate the similarity. I made an effort not to move my head. That, coupled with my dark brown aviator sunglasses, completely obscured the fact that I was looking in his direction. The more I studied the more I realized it was someone who only vaguely resembled my friend. Right as I was about to shift my eyes back forward, the man in the van behind me, while looking stoically forward, slowly raised his left index finger to his mouth as if to say "shhhh."


Jon