Kazoo?

Man, craigslist is sometimes better than somethingawful!

Craigslist always seems to have silly things like this:

http://philadelphia.craigslist.org/msg/320892441.html

i need a broad that's got a bunch of babies - 31 (burbank)
Reply to: anon-71828808@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-05-05, 2:18AM CDT


i am in SO much shit if i dont figure somethin out by saturday. my bitch ex-wife (she just divorced me right before she had our baby) went to her mom's funeral in Boston tuesday and basically forced me to stay at her place with the baby cuz she didnt wanna fly with it with her. It's only a couple months old, and taking that damn baby ANYWHERE is a huge fuckin hassle, so i get why she didn't wanna take it with her to Boston but i'm the LAST motherfucker that wants to sit in the house with a baby. Anyway we had this giant fight over the whole issue and i ended up having to do it or she threatened to really fuck me over if i didn't help her out. I don't wanna get into it here, but she could EASILY have me locked up again if she wanted to.
So she made me pack a bag and stay at her place with the baby, and she told me a thousand times not to go ANYWHERE from tuesday night till she gets back on saturday. she left me with 200$ and stocked her fridge for me, and left a million little post-it notes all over the place tellin me when to feed it, change it's diapers, and all kinds of stuff that the baby needs done to it.
then on top of that this bitch calls me pretty much every hour to make sure im still there and remembered to feed/change/clean the baby.
nag nag nag.
anyway, needless to say i ran across the street to the liqour store and over the course of tuesday night, and wednesday i ran through all of the 200$ in Smirnoff and Guinness. i was only gone for about 10 minutes per trip to the liqour store, but that damn baby does nothin but cry so i decided to just get REAL wasted so i could deal with all the crying and screeching.
i'm a pretty heavy drinker anyway, so tryin to stay as drunk as i needed to be to tolerate all the wailing was just real expensive. i shoulda just drank 40's of 99 cent malt liqour or real cheap Dimitri but i bought all top shelf booze figuring after being married to that bossy cunt for 7 years she owed me the good stuff.
so by last night i was almost all outta booze, had no $ at all for more, and the only place i know in the city that'll let me run a tab is my buddy's bar a few miles away. (im in there almost everyday so he let's me run a tab till my unemployment check comes in.)
well after the MILLION and 1 warnings and threats my ex gave me about not leaving the house- even for just a few minutes- i was too nervous to run to the bar for a few hours and leave the baby at her house, so i brought it with me. I found 1 of those baby car things they sit in, strapped it into my passenger side seat and went to the bar. I knew my buddy Jim would FREAK if i brought the baby into his bar so i cracked the window open a little and left the radio on so the baby would be ok while i ran in real quick for a few drinks.
leavin the radio on was a REAL fuckin dumb idea cuz i left the keys in the ignition and when i came back a couple hours later my car was gone.
i'm freakin out, she comes home saturday morning and if she finds out what happened she won't just have me locked up, she'll probably shoot me (she gets real irrational when she's pissed).
i figure there HAS to be some chicks here on CL that have a few babies, and wouldn't mind gettin rid of one of em. i'll take one off yer hands free of charge, and when my next unemployment check comes in i'll even split it with you. the only thing is it has to be white, or close enough to pass as white, and about 3 months old. Our baby was still bald but i guess i can just shave it's head if the replacement baby has some hair, right?
o and it has to be a boy.

serious replies only.

That has to be some sort of sick joke.

Why is this guitar pick $40? I mean jeez, it couldn't have cost more than $5 to manufacture.
I imagine it must be killing the owner to have to part with it.

http://chicago.craigslist.org/chc/mis/328843102.html

temple of watain - m4w - 26

You were wearing a Gorgoroth tshirt, front row most of the time, trancing and transforming, fending off collateral damage, really enjoying yourself. Lots of hair, soothing smile. I was about two people to your right. Let's manifest the god of death.

some of the gorgeous women of Craigslist, Chicago
can you believe these fine specimens are having trouble finding someone willing to fuck them?
Keep in mind these are the BEST pictures they have to put on their ad

seeking woman who is ok with my masturbation - 32 (Burbank)
Reply to: pers-348419312@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-06-09, 12:24PM CDT


My girlfriend of 8 months just dumped me after she walked in on me masturbating. She knew I masturbated (like any guy does) but she caught me right when I was engaged in some anal play as I masturbated (which I almost NEVER do unless i'm drunk). She freaked out and stormed out, and sped away in her car. She just left me a voicemail to break up with me.
She said I was "sick and gross".
I don't think anal play is sick or gross but I figure I should just come clean (no pun intended) to my next girlfriend so this isn't an issue that I have to hide.
The fact is that I occasionally lick my anus while I masturbate. I NEVER penetrate my anus with my tongue (i'm not gay), and I ALWAYS brush my teeth afterwards.
If you're open-minded (unlike my ex) and can handle a little kink, please reply with a pic.
serious replies only