I am going to start a story. When it is finished, I'm hoping for a work of collaborated creative writing that involves as many people on this forum as possible. Basically, you must use the newest post on the thread as your starting point, and be sure to end your paragraph/chapter with an open-end. The only foreseeable problem would be simultaneous posts, but since crap/not crap's popularity is as such, I doubt that will happen. The more ludicrous the better....



Joe woke up earlier than usual this morning. He was slow to roll out of the bed he'd crawled into only a few hours before. The inside of his mouth was dry to the point of coarseness, and all he could remember about the night before was hanging around a seedy bar on Chicago's south side. He sat for a moment on the edge of the matress to center himself (the alcohol was still only partially digested). It was fairly obvious that he would not get any more sleep in his current state of discomfort.

He decided to make himself a big, greasy breakfast, in hopes that it would absorb some his hind-sighted lament for the previous evening. He coaxed himself out into the hallway, down the staircase, and into the kitchen. Bacon and eggs seemed, to him, the obvious choice for any man in his predicament. More importantly, it was the only thing he knew how to make aside from macaroni & cheese.

He was lumbering around the kitchen in search of the ever-elusive frying pan, when he noticed the refrigerator door was partially opened. He paused for a second, realizing that his efforts thus far may have all been in vain. He opened the refrigerator expecting spoiled milk and cheese; he could not have been less prepared for what he would find instead...

He stood there trying to comprehend it all, and made a mental list of everything he saw packed into the barely-operational, antiquated kitchen appliance:

-tin of sardines
-tin of celluloid film, dated 1917, directed by D.W. Griffith
-nail polish
-accordion
-every shitty guitar he'd ever owned and sold(...strange.)
-photos of his ex-girlfriend
-a smashed-up watermelon that he'd kept as a souvenir from a Gallagher show, and then lost in his closet a month later
-david duchovny's teapot portfolio
-polio vaccine
-seven used female condoms
-elephant's foot umbrella stand
-six-foot mannequin
-radioactive edition of the game of Life
-fake Wheaties
-plastic unmentionables
-xylophone from 3rd grade
-script to "the glass menagerie"
-Waiting for Godot
-grandma's jewelry
-Back in Black
-electrical manual
-lac bugs sealed in factory package fresh from India
-pogo stick stolen from girl down street
-lots and lots and lots of marbles
-confetti soaked in kerosene
-three year's worth of wacky correspondence from Intern_8033
-blank tax forms
-Rapid City, Iowa
-mouse trap
-gilda's club membership
-some embarrassing magazines
-atomic bomb
-edible legos (ah--here was breakfast at last)

He just couldn't believe it. Where had all this shit come from? What was he going to do with it? What did it all mean?

After pondering these questions for quite a while, it finally struck Joe. There was only one thing this strange assortment of items could mean: “I’m a gigolo!” Joe exclaimed. “How could I have forgotten?” Then, images started returning to Joe like car beams through a fog. He remembered how the blond had looked when he arrived at her house the night before. He remembered her boyfriend as well, and the strange places the three of them had been!

....

Joe then reflected upon the detritus of his life:

-tin of sardines CRAP
-tin of celluloid film, dated 1917, directed by D.W. Griffith NOT CRAP
-nail polish CRAP
-accordion NOT CRAP
-every shitty guitar he'd ever owned and sold(...strange.) CRAP
-photos of his ex-girlfriend CRAP
-a smashed-up watermelon that he'd kept as a souvenir from a Gallagher show, and then lost in his closet a month later CRAP
-david duchovny's teapot portfolio CRAP
-polio vaccine NOT CRAP
-seven used female condoms CRAP
-elephant's foot umbrella stand NOT CRAP
-six-foot mannequin CRAP
-radioactive edition of the game of Life CRAP
-fake Wheaties CRAP
-plastic unmentionables CRAP
-xylophone from 3rd grade CRAP
-script to "the glass menagerie" NOT CRAP
-Waiting for Godot NOT CRAP
-grandma's jewelry CRAP
-Back in Black NOT CRAP
-electrical manual NOT CRAP
-lac bugs sealed in factory package fresh from India CRAP
-pogo stick stolen from girl down street CRAP
-lots and lots and lots of marbles NOT CRAP
-confetti soaked in kerosene NOT CRAP
-three year's worth of wacky correspondence from Intern_8033 CRAP
-blank tax forms CRAP
-Rapid City, Iowa RAPID CITY, SOUTH DAKOTA -- CRAP; THE STATE OF IOWA -- NOT CRAP
-mouse trap DEVICE -- NOT CRAP; GAME -- CRAP; BAND -- CRAP
-gilda's club membership NOT CRAP
-some embarrassing magazines "HIGHLIGHTS" -- NOT CRAP; "CAT FANCY" -- CRAP; "DYNAMITE" -- CRAP; "KERRANG!" -- CRAP; "RANGER RICK" -- NOT CRAP; "SPORTS ILLUSTRATED" -- CRAP
-atomic bomb CRAP
-edible legos (ah--here was breakfast at last) CRAP

Joe then committed ritual suicide.

The End.