Ahhh, the last time I dropped acid.....

Around 6 years ago, I'm working at this porn shop and this girl I worked with had somehow found some acid (wtf? I havent seen acid since)...so, we dropped around 7 pm, while drinking and hanging out at her apartment in boys town with her boyfriend, who was playing with a knife most of the night giving me the evil eye, so I should've known better, but anyway, around 4 am after everyone else passed out, she was looking for someone to play with, and i was the only unlucky one still up...

So, next thing I know we are in the backyard, buck naked humping, me on bottom....and I feel this tremendous thud against the side of my head. Her old man had put on his steel toed boots before coming outside and kicked me in the side of the head, before I even saw him. So I jump up and climb over this 6 foot retaining wall (something I DO NOT recommend doing naked) and am now naked in the street in boystown, and the sun is coming up....

This gay dude leans out his window after hearing the girl scream for help ( the boyfriend started beating her ass after I split) and asks me if I'm ok, and says he already called the cops. I say I'm fine, just throw me some underwear.....and he throws me a pair of
bvd's and the cops roll up....

The cop runs my i.d. because I'm near naked and drunk at sunrise, and as luck would have it, it turns out I had 3 days left on a four year old dui warrant (for failure to appear after my 2 year probation) ....and so I spend that fourth of july in cook county jail...

talk about incomprehensible demoralization...

still...very good times....

no, it only made me focus more on how fucking awesome the show was.

Ha, thats good to hear

oucheh wrote: then I walked into my roomates room, with no pants on, and what my roomate described as a big hard-on and proceded to ask my roomate for condoms. When he said he had none, I said "Fuck you, you motherfucker." I then proceded to dash out of his room trip over my end table, and crawl onto the couch, where I found myself that morning. My roomate said the girl left shortly after that.

Hardest I've laughed in months. Primo!

this isn't so much funny, but i think it's in the spirit of "embarassing", so... i just spent a bunch of time on that freaking site linked in the "just letters" post... that's pretty fucking embarassing right there.

one thing i noticed was the kids propensity towards forming words that i can only describe as "retardo". like "jew" and "niggers" and "boobies" and "i luv cock" etc etc. one thing i found at first very frustrating but then very amusing was the kid who kept making the expression "heil hitler". i first found it horribly offensive. but then i found something out... if you click on a letter and hold the mouse button down, and don't ever let it go, nobody can ever move your letter. you can keep it right where you want it for as long as you can hold the button. so i think the kid eventually gave up and left after about 10 or 20 minutes straight of every time him writing "heil hitler" me holding my letter "S" right in front of "hitler". i found that unendingly amuzing.

all of this = truly embarassing. and i haven't even gotten into the macros i wrote to A) collect all the letters into one spot, B) disperse all the letters from that one spot to random places, C) crawl around the screen in random directions throwing all letters in its path to random locations, and D) scan the screen top to bottom, left to right, throwing all letters to random spots.

truly, truly embarassing.

flyinghouses wrote:Dood, thats a pretty crazy story oucheh, I am dying to see Lightning Bolt. Hopefully that experience didnt ruin the memory of the show for you

I had an experience at ATP2004 which ruined the memory of the Lightning Bolt show. In that I have no memory of the show whatsoever. I was really excited about seeing 'The Bolt', so much so that I dressed up as a pirate and spent most of the afternoon drinking Bundaberg rum with my friends in our chalet. By the time we went over to the show we had switched to drinking vodka/Kool-Aid. During the band prior to Lightning Bolt I met some friendly Glaswegians who shared their Buckfast tonic wine with me. We went upstairs, all ready to rock out, and I vaguely remember talking to a Finnish guy and telling him how awesome Finland was. My next recollection is being slumped in a corner of the room, and telling a very kind girl who was trying to help me stand that 'my legs didn't work'. Upon finding my friends, I was informed that I had danced like a motherfucker through the entire set, had fell over many many times, but mainly 'Dude, you had a great time'. I can't remember a single damn note of that gig. And I lost my hat. And I had to go to bed at about 9.30pm.

Unbelievably my friends are letting me go to ATP with them next year. It's more than I deserve.

joshsolberg wrote:"Dude, I used that cooler like fifty times after that!"

Good times.

Oh my aching belly stop it I may piss myself I am laughing so hard.

This is the best thread ever. Just got to work, in a bad mood because I had to come to work (...), so I decided to read through this thread again. I'm gonna have to start coming to work wearing a diaper, because I think I may have leaked a little bit, I was laughing so hard.

Interesting note: this thread may be self-perpetuating, based on the above.

I agree. Each one's a gem. Keep 'em coming, I say...

1. i always played catcher on baseball teams, b/c the other kids didn't want to do it, and i really enjoyed it. in on every play, etc.

my throwing arm, she was ok, but nothing special. no better than average, and not good for a catcher.

when i got to be 11, i had a coach who was kind of a prick. he was a local real estate mogul who also owned a couple of drive-in burger joints. he was originally from tennessee or something, so he had a southern drawl. he was always kind of a hardass, but sometimes he'd be in an xtra bad mood and be unusually difficult.

anyway, one day, we're scrimmaging, and the coach was being an xtra special hardass, and during a single inning three guys steal second on me. i can't hit the broad side of a barn, even worse than usual. the coach stops the scrimmage (from the mound--he's pitching) and throws the ball at me as hard as he can. "MAKE THE THROW, TYAM!" so i make the throw from home plate to 2nd (badly). "give me the ball," he says to shortstop, who throws him the ball. zings it back at me. "MAKE THE THROW, TYAM!" again i make a sad little chokin-back-tears kind of throw into centerfield.

this happened between six and twelve times, probably, before he got disgusted and made us run laps.

two postscripts:

a) this incident worked wonders for my ability to peg out base runners. i was so mortified that i put in many hours throwing baseballs against my grade school, and i eventually got really good at getting people out at 2nd. no one would steal on me after a while. so i suppose it had the desired effect. i can still hear that guy yelling at me, 24yrs later. haha!

b) a few years later, very few, i was umpiring a little league game involving this very same coach's team. i was in the field, and there was a very close play at 3rd base, with one of the coach's kids sliding into 3rd. i called the kid out, and this coach comes screaming out of the 1st base dugout. after about ten seconds of him yelling at me, i threw him out of the game, only he ignored me and just went back in the dugout. i went over to the dugout and told him to get off the field or his team would forfeit. "i'll throw YOU off the field!" he said. i was about ready to call the game when he finally left. i think he kept coaching from the bleachers, but i was too petrified to do anything.

the next day, he came by my house. he had talked to a couple people who told him his kid had been out, and he realized that, regardless, he'd been a total dick. he was worried i'd get him thrown out of the league, he said. he said he was sorry and gave me about $40 worth of coupons for his drive-in burger place.

2) i was probably 10yrs old. trent hanneman and i were hanging on with a couple of girls, one of whom was maybe 12 and developed beyond her years. we were sitting on the grass outside washington grade school, and she was leaning over to pick at the dirt or something. anyway, i kept looking down her shirt (of course). i was certain i was doing so undetectably, until trent hanneman said, in a comically loud voice, "hey tim, what are you staring at down caroline's shirt?" her hand flew to her neck, and i felt the heat of shame rush to my face.

though i have forgotten the specifics of this young woman's contours, i remember the shame of getting caught as if it happened yesterday.

tmidgett wrote:"MAKE THE THROW, TYAM!" so i make the throw from home plate to 2nd (badly). "give me the ball," he says to shortstop, who throws him the ball. zings it back at me. "MAKE THE THROW, TYAM!" again i make a sad little chokin-back-tears kind of throw into centerfield.

Wow, what a jerk. My memory of little league at that age is that *nobody* could throw a base-stealer out at second. The umps should've just awarded second on every single.

I had a hard-ass coach (though not that hard-ass) whose son, who was a very good athlete, played shortstop for our team. One time this kid, in his cockiness, tried to stretch a double into a triple. It was immediately clear to everyone, including him, that he was about to be out by a mile, so he viciously checked the third-baseman--elbows and everything--knocking him down on the ground. Before the ump had a chance to do so, our coach threw his own son out of the game, which I thought was very cool.

Interesting that it made you able to make throw every time after he yelled at you. Did you ever read this? http://www.nytimes.com/2004/03/28/magaz ... 1102222800