What did the buddhist say to the hot dog vender?



make me one with everything

Colonel Panic wrote:An octopus walks into a pub and proudly declares "I can play ANY instrument"

"Oh yeah?" said an englishman, the man hands the octopus a guitar. The octopus takes the guitar, sits down and starts playing the blues. His guitar playing is incredible, better than Jimi Hendrix.

An Irishman says "Pretty good for an octopus, but how well can you play the piano?" The octopus walks over to the piano, sits down and starts playing. His mastery of the keys is sublime, yet also conveys a mood of charming whimsy, even better than Thelonious Monk.

Suddenly, a Scotsman jumps up from the back of the bar and says, "I bet ye cannae play THIS!" and he hands the octopus a set of bagpipes. The octopus sits down and desperately fumbles around with the instrument for over an hour, before the Scotsman gets really annoyed and says "Well, can ye play it or not?" To which the octopus replies "Play? I'm gonna fuck her brains out as soon as I can figure out how to get her damn pajamas off!"

this one made me laugh. didn't see it coming.

AAAAAAAARGH wrote:What did the buddhist say to the hot dog vender?



make me one with everything

...so the vendor hands the buddhist his hotdog and turns away. The buddhist asks him "...shouldn't I get some change back?"


The vendor turns and smiles

"Change comes from within"

A lorry driver breaks down on the M6 with a cargo of live monkeys on board, bound for Chester Zoo. They need to be delivered by 9:00 am and the driver fears he will get the sack if they don't get there on time. He decides to try and thumb a lift for his monkeys and eventually an Irish lorry driver pulls over.

"Where are you going ?" asks the Irish chap.

"Do us a favour mate and take these to Chester Zoo for me" says the driver, "and here's a hundred quid for your troubles."

"Happy days," says the Irish fella, and loads the monkeys onto his truck and gets on his way.

The lorry driver goes about trying to fix his truck and is there for a good few hours when he notices the Irish fella coming back down the motorway, still with all the chimps on board. Panicking, he flags him down again.

"What are you playing at," he fumes, "I told you to take them to Chester Zoo !"

"I did," says the Irish fella, "but there's still fifty quid left so now we're going to Alton Towers."

Marsupialized wrote:

the Argument wrote:
Now I am intrigued to hear the rest of the joke...

It started when I told her a story about how one of the brokers at the board where I used to work was doing coke with a girl and they got in the hotub and did more coke and began fucking and at some point she died and he had no idea she was dead till he was finished.

:rimshot:

I was told this by a banjo-plucking Mennonite minister from WVA...

In a cabin on a train sits a Russian, a Cuban, a West Virginian, and a social worker.

Russian pulls out a bottle of vodka, takes a long swig, then throws the rest of it out the window. West Virginian says "Holy crap boy! Why'd you do that?" Russian says "In my country, we have so much vodka - it flows from the taps."

Few minutes later the Cuban takes out a fine cigar, lights it, puffs for a minute, then throws the stogie out the window. West Virginian says "Holy crap boy! Why'd you do that?" Cuban says "In my country, nobody is wanting for cigars - they are everywhere."

West Virginian thinks for a minute, then gets up and throws the social worker out the window.

A guy wakes up one day and notices a small bump on his forehead. He decides to ignore it, but after a few days it gets to be the size of a golf ball so he goes to the doctor to have it looked at.

After running a few tests, the doctor tells the gentleman he has some disturbing news:

"I'm afraid the bump on your forehead is inoperable and is within weeks of becoming a full-grown penis."

Astonished, the man asks: "Are you telling me that when I look in the mirror I'll see a dick hanging from the center of my forehead!?"

Doctor: "Oh, no. You'll never be able to see past your balls"

What does Joe Strummer do when he walks into a comic book store?

He goes straight to Hellboy.

A rock artist dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he is promptly invited to a heavenly jam session. So he walks in and sees Hendrix, D. Boon, John Bonham. He's pretty psyched.

Suddenly, Bono walks in the door.

The rocker is somewhat shocked. He nudges Hendrix and says "I didn't know Bono was dead."

Hendrix kind of laughs and says, "No man, that's God. He just thinks he's Bono."

Q: What's the advantage of fingering a gypsy on her period?

A: You get your palm red.