146
by Mr_Deadite_Archive
Okay, this is the story of a cat named Ralph. Ralph is a fish out of water amongst his cat family in Bolivia, so he decides to move to America to go to High School. You see Ralph has the rare gift of speech. Only two other cats in the country have this gift, but they are tools for the government's evil plans. In Bolivia, they only allow 8th grade educations and anyone seeking more is shot, and Ralph desires to become educated so that he can make a living as a rock journalist. Ralph barely escapes the evil country and makes it to Woody Creek, home of the Woody Creek High Poppycocks.
Ralph has an initial awkward period settling into a school full of human beings, but it then turns out he is an amazing Quarterback. He begins to play for the Poppycocks and immediately attracts attention from the ladyfolk. Plus, his hormones are raging. The one girl that doesn't give him any attention is the head chearleader. And another girl seems to be obsessed with him. Ralph is burdened by typical teenage angst over not having the girl he wants and the pressures of leading the champion football team to victory. Plus, it seems this obsessed girl is stalking him. This goes along with hilarious hijinx at parties where drunken brawls are common. During one such melee, he is kidnapped by the obsessed girl and forced to do awful things. Awful sexual things. Plus, the Bolivians have found out that Ralph went to Woody Creek, and they're pissed. This part of the movie deals with not only the sexual perversions pushed onto Ralph, but also hilarious situations where the Bolivians have trouble adapting to American culture.
Much to everyone's concern, Ralph has been gone for over a week, and with the Championship game only a week away, the town is at its boiling point. This brings the head cheerleader into the picture. She was always drawn to Ralph, but she'd never fuck a cat, so she avoided him, but now he was in trouble. She does some investigative work and finds him at the obsessed girl's house. In a tension filled moment, she is locked away by the obsessed girl who just got home from picking some things up at the store. A three-way ensues.
The big game is coming closer and closer, and the Bolivians are closing in on Ralph's whereabouts. They eventually stumble across the house where he's being held captive and in a brutal battle, they kill the obsessed girl. They free Ralph and the cheerleader, who have fallen in love in captivity, and inform him he's coming back to Bolivia. Ralph fights them and he escapes with the cheerleader. They make it just in time for the big game. Ralph plays magnificently, and they win, but the Bolivians have shown up with flaming pitchforks. And they're pissed. A high speed chase ensues and it ends at the NASA station north of Woody Creek. Ralph realizes this world is no place for a talking cat who's in love with a high school cheerleader and being chased by angry Bolivians, so he bids her farewell and boards the rocket just about to leave, his cat eyes filled with tears. But she won't let him go alone, so she goes after him, and they leave the angry Bolivians behind on earth. The film ends with them landing on the moon to find a colony of talking cat aliens who, in a cliffhanger ending, tell Ralph that he was one of them all along, and that he has a prophesy to fulfill. CAN YOU SAY SEQUEL?