It was always the Christian kids at school wasn't it? Aged about fifteen, it turned out this one lad thought that the thirtieth time you had sex, you got AIDS. So basically everyone had twenty-nine shots at sex, with whoever and however they wished, but do it once more...

Also -

johnnyemphysema wrote:bears are cats

This band, would go, etc

A kid I used to hang and cause trouble with as a young lad, he took two tanks filled with kerosene and threw them into a bonfire. He then sat down about 8 inches away from it and waited to see what would happen, until they exploded and melted his face completely off.
That was pretty stupid.
This dude was real fucked up to begin with, not a lot going for him...add in the melted face and man, that's a hard life.



Oh yeah, and most of my friends joined a Christian cult when we were in high school. I'd go with them to the cult meetings just to argue with the cult leader dude.
He said using condoms will give you aids, that it was a chemical reaction relating to the materials used spermicide mixing with the human fuck juices that created the aids virus. So everyone better not use condoms.
He'd have charts and grafts, a whole presentation.
One fat woman there would call him a genius all the time, she said this dude was up there with Einstein and she really believed it too.

daniel robert chapman wrote:

johnnyemphysema wrote:bears are cats

This band, would go, etc

I assure you if Bears are Cats were a band Rog would play bass.

Marsupialized wrote:A kid I used to hang and cause trouble with as a young lad, he took two tanks filled with kerosene and threw them into a bonfire. He then sat down about 8 inches away from it and waited to see what would happen, until they exploded and melted his face completely off.
That was pretty stupid.
This dude was real fucked up to begin with, not a lot going for him...add in the melted face and man, that's a hard life.

That reminds me of a friend of mine who poured gasoline all over his leg and lit it on fire to impress a girl and got seriously burned. Brilliant.

I thought reality use to actually be in black and white and color was invented in conjunction with color tv/film. I wanted to believe this anyway.

Hans wrote:I thought reality use to actually be in black and white and color was invented in conjunction with color tv/film. I wanted to believe this anyway.

As a wee small child i also believed this. I also thought they used to walk around in that funny fast way during world war 1

I never thought to consider what things were like before the advent of film

Sock OR Muffin? wrote:

Marsupialized wrote:A kid I used to hang and cause trouble with as a young lad, he took two tanks filled with kerosene and threw them into a bonfire. He then sat down about 8 inches away from it and waited to see what would happen, until they exploded and melted his face completely off.
That was pretty stupid.
This dude was real fucked up to begin with, not a lot going for him...add in the melted face and man, that's a hard life.

That reminds me of a friend of mine who poured gasoline all over his leg and lit it on fire to impress a girl and got seriously burned. Brilliant.

Not quite so bad as these but a lad used to knock around with us as youths who was like Marty Mcfly in that if you said chicken he'd do owt.

One time we persuaded him to let us tie him up to a chair so we could watch him try and escape. He said yes (after youthful prodding/bullying) so we found everything at hand - belts, scalfs, them elastic things you put on roof racks, chords of dressing gowns, school ties and tied him securely to a chair.
The rest of us (which included Andrew from the earlier story) sat down and then after a timed pause said 'Go!'

Roy (twas his name) just sort of shuddered then the chair fell to the side with him in it continuing to twitch and get nowhere.




How we laughed.

A bandmate of mine once had this girlfriend...

Well, not really a serious girlfriend or anything. It was more of a relationship of "convenience" for both of them, if that makes sense. Anyway, this friend of mine was pretty sleazy. He'd try to fuck just about any female who looked at him funny.

So one night we're at this party and I'm a bit drunk and getting tired of the usual party thing, so for a break I sit down on the couch next to this girl and strike up a conversation. Though we'd hung around the same crowd for several months, we'd never had a proper conversation.

So I ask her how she knows <my bandmate>. She tells me the story of how they went to high school together, and then one day he showed up at her place of work and invited her out, etc. She said their relationship wasn't serious, she's just in it for the fun, etc. She said she knows he sleeps around and she's OK with that. They're just "fuck-buddies".

So I replied in a joking tone, "Well, just make sure you always wear protection. You know how <bandmate> is."

To which she replied, "Oh I hate it when guys wear those things. They make it feel all... smooth and weird. Might as well just use a dildo or something. Condoms are gross."

Kind of surprised at her reaction, I asked "OK well I hope you're at least on the pill?"

She said "Nope. Just cigarettes!" And she raised her cigarette to show me that she was indeed smoking.

I laughed and said, "Smoking isn't birth control." to which she replied, "Yeah, it decreases a woman's fertility. You didn't know that?"

I thought she was messing with me. I honestly thought there was no way this chick could be that dumb.

But later in the evening, another friend of ours was going off on a drunken soliloquy about Kegel exercises. This chick interrupted the conversation to say, "Um, that's not what they're called! It's pronounced Kee-jel! They're called Kee-jel muscles." Then she added, loud enough for everyone in the room to hear, "I should know, I exercise my Kee-jels every day!"

Earwicker wrote:

Hans wrote:I thought reality use to actually be in black and white and color was invented in conjunction with color tv/film. I wanted to believe this anyway.

As a wee small child i also believed this. I also thought they used to walk around in that funny fast way during world war 1

For a while as a small child i was also convinced that Babe Ruth ran around the bases in that funny fast way. I feel ya.

I have a co-worker who frequently invents or misuses words, such as:

Meant instead of mean - "But I meant, who does she think she is"?

Her favorite statement is: "But I meant, I'm not A idiot". Right.

LaBtop / SuppoSABly / Valon (for salon) / etc...


It doesn't look like much written down, but try 9 hours side-by-side with this nonsense. Fuck.