My father in law's wife wont eat shellfish because it says so in the bible. She also was genuinely afraid that peope could see in her bedroom though her computer monitor.

I just had to explain to the girls in my department (my boss included) what a Donkey Punch is. One of the girls was pissed off and in her moment of anger said she wanted to Donkey Punch a customer I was laughing hysterically until I realized she had no clue why that was funny.

Punching donkeys is cruel.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fHia-DXoeeI

An old singer bandmate. He actually shook his head like a dog when he didn't understand something. Seriously. The words go in the ears, the eyes cross ever so little, then a pregnant pause, and he starts shaking his head like a fucking dog. Slack-jawed. So frustrating.

great thread!

Colonel Panic wrote:She said "Nope. Just cigarettes!" And she raised her cigarette to show me that she was indeed smoking.

I laughed and said, "Smoking isn't birth control." to which she replied, "Yeah, it decreases a woman's fertility. You didn't know that?"

you, sir, obviously know nothing. I suggest an apointment with the good Doctor Octagon for some sexual re-education...

Kool Keith wrote:
your panties are wet
take it easy don't sweat
you want some birthcontrol?
you can smoke a cigarette

I used to date this girl who had this super-ditzy stepmom. She was telling me that one time said stepmom was talking about how great it is that Arnold Shwartenegger could overcome his speech impediment to become an actor. Girl's dad. aka stepmom's husband, corrects her by telling her that Arnold doesn't have a speech impediment, he's Austrian. Stepmom counters with "he is not Australian, that's not what they sound like.

I worked in a bakery for awhile with this buffed out, hair gelled meathead named Ennis. My roommate and I used to call him big, dumb Ennis. One time, Ennis and I were out in the cafe/retail area of this bakery and Ennis noticed the deli case was low on friut salad. Ennis did like his fruit salad, and, lamenting this circumstance, asked me, "you ever notice how like, when there's fruit, there's like a lot of fruit, but when there isn't a lot of fruit, it's like there's no fruit?"

Another time, big dumb Ennis was throwing some tantrum about not being able to find his preferred measuring spoons (not like he wasn't gonna fuck up the finished product anyways, which he always did. In fact, if you looked on the schedule and saw he was working with you, you knew you were in for a long fucking night). Another co-worker pointed out another set of measuring spoons and said to use those. Ennis said fuck that, those aren't the spoons he wanted to use. Other co-worker said well, beggars can't be choosers can they? Ennis' response to that was, "Shit. I'm gonna choose my ass off."

How...how has the species managed to last as long as it has?

It's because we've become such a dominant species on the planet that we've effectively eliminated natural selection.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=upyewL0oaWA

Colonel Panic wrote:Kind of surprised at her reaction, I asked "OK well I hope you're at least on the pill?"

She said "Nope. Just cigarettes!" And she raised her cigarette to show me that she was indeed smoking.

I laughed and said, "Smoking isn't birth control." to which she replied, "Yeah, it decreases a woman's fertility. You didn't know that?"

I knew a raver kid who smoked a bowl of seeds every month, as birth control. Smart guy.

Boyd Rice's "brutal gardener" concept keeps looking better and better, after all the fine examples of stupidity in this thread.

"Unless these weeds are dealt with, they’ll poison everything. They are poisoning everything."

Yeah, if there was ever a legitimate defense for eugenics, the people discussed in this thread would serve as pretty strong evidence.