On the checkouts at Sainsburys...a guy has a basketful of overpriced date-type food and drink. I get to the bottom and there's a tube of ky jelly. 'It's not for me...I mean, it is but, you know, not for my arse or anything...'

A director of HR at my client, in the most recent IT committee meeting, asked us how long until the new Disaster Recovery site will be online, and then mentioned that the timing is very good that we're getting this done now because he has heard that Al Qaeda is training people over here on our very soil, and you never know what they're going to do. Everyone really had a long pregnant pause to reflect upon that one.

BadComrade wrote:So yeah... when people toss their credit card at me, I always run it through the machine, and then I wing it off the counter top so they have to pick it up off the floor.

Ha, I used to do the same thing in my record store days. Back then we had to check IDs, so I'd wing their drivers license back at 'em while they were going after their Visa card.

We'd get a similar type cash customer - the guy (it was always a guy) accompanied by a girl he was trying to impress, who would bring one fifteen-dollar CD to the counter, and make a grand gesture of waving a $100 bill in your face. "Got change for A HUNDRED DOLLAR BILL?" The correct response to which was to quietly say "yep," grab the bill out of his hand without looking at it and replace his Super Awesome $100 Bill with a handful of withered twenties and assorted change.

We used to get a lot of complaints about music playing in the store, mostly from orthodox classical fans and uptight baby boomers, but my favorite offendee was a metal/stoner looking dude who, upon hearing David Lindley's silly ska cover of "Werewolves of London" come over the sound system, ran to the exit on the verge of tears, shouting "I HOPE YOU KNOW THEY RUINED A WONDERFUL SONG!"

Batman_Jones wrote:We used to get a lot of complaints about music playing in the store, mostly from orthodox classical fans and uptight baby boomers, but my favorite offendee was a metal/stoner looking dude who, upon hearing David Lindley's silly ska cover of "Werewolves of London" come over the sound system, ran to the exit on the verge of tears, shouting "I HOPE YOU KNOW THEY RUINED A WONDERFUL SONG!"

Was it Letterman?

i've been working in retail for over six years so I could realistically fill this entire thread. i'll just relate a recent occurrence.

A lady came up to the desk and said she had been in a store in northern virginia and saw a box set of 70's music and she wanted to know if we had it.

"ok, do you know what it's called?"

"no."

"do you know who was on it?"

"no. can't you just look it up?"

"look up boxsets of 70's music? not really. i can check if they have 70's in the title and see if they're boxsets."

so i do that and there's only one showing that we might have.

"can you tell me what's on it?"

"let's see" the system where i can do this won't bring it up so i try to explain to her that it's not showing me that and i'm about to say "let me just see if i can find it in the case" when she just says "ok" and walks away.

a few minutes later i'm at the desk and she's about 15 feet away on her cell phone. i hear:

"uh huh. yeah. we're in the bookstore. i'm looking for that boxset we saw. yeah. well the guy that i asked was just like 'ummm i dunno' (in oafish voice) yeah. he was kinda slow. i guess the computer was smarter than him."

so, since i can hear her, and i don't care about causing a scene with this lady, i say loud enough for her to hear, "I can hear you" she looks up, looks embarrassed, starts talking very quietly, and walks away.

but yeh, i'm slow because i couldn't find a CD that she had no information about other than it's decade.

whiskerando wrote:i've been working in retail for over six years so I could realistically fill this entire thread. i'll just relate a recent occurrence.

A lady came up to the desk and said she had been in a store in northern virginia and saw a box set of 70's music and she wanted to know if we had it.

"ok, do you know what it's called?"

"no."

"do you know who was on it?"

"no. can't you just look it up?"

"look up boxsets of 70's music? not really. i can check if they have 70's in the title and see if they're boxsets."

so i do that and there's only one showing that we might have.

"can you tell me what's on it?"

"let's see" the system where i can do this won't bring it up so i try to explain to her that it's not showing me that and i'm about to say "let me just see if i can find it in the case" when she just says "ok" and walks away.

a few minutes later i'm at the desk and she's about 15 feet away on her cell phone. i hear:

"uh huh. yeah. we're in the bookstore. i'm looking for that boxset we saw. yeah. well the guy that i asked was just like 'ummm i dunno' (in oafish voice) yeah. he was kinda slow. i guess the computer was smarter than him."

so, since i can hear her, and i don't care about causing a scene with this lady, i say loud enough for her to hear, "I can hear you" she looks up, looks embarrassed, starts talking very quietly, and walks away.

but yeh, i'm slow because i couldn't find a CD that she had no information about other than it's decade.

When I worked for an airline at the gate, this horrible woman missed her flight to MSP because she was late.
She FREAKS out, screaming at us for not holding the plane for her and blah blah blah.
She paid fucking 60 dollars for the ticket and she expects us to hold the plane at the gate for an hour because this one woman isn't here yet.
It does not work that way, sorry.
This woman was a REAL bitch. From my entire year or so at that job getting screamed at everyday by pissed off customers, she's the number one ignorant bitch in my mind.
Anyhow, at some point she gets on the phone and starts talking to someone 'Yeah these fucking IDIOTS at the the airline...' and all kinds of shit 'These people are so fucking stupid' all that, right in front of us.
Now at some point she hangs up and starts screeching at me that her entire life is in her bag, VERY important business papers and her expensive laptop full of all her info....she'll be ruined if her bag gets lost and she needs me to go outside in the snow right now and find her bag and make sure it's gonna be on her flight later.

Oh, you just fucked up lady. I'll show you what fucking idiots we are.

Went down, found it and ripped the tag off and threw it in a plane to DFW.
There is ZERO chance she ever saw that bag again.

Went down, found it and ripped the tag off and threw it in a plane to DFW.
There is ZERO chance she ever saw that bag again.

I love when customers treat service employees like shit. It's so hilarious to me that it never crosses their minds that the employee might then fuck with them. It seems pretty simple. If you fuck with a waiter he will fuck with your food. If you fuck with a baggage handler he will fuck with your baggage. What's so difficult to understand about that?

whiskerando wrote:

Went down, found it and ripped the tag off and threw it in a plane to DFW.
There is ZERO chance she ever saw that bag again.

I love when customers treat service employees like shit. It's so hilarious to me that it never crosses their minds that the employee might then fuck with them. It seems pretty simple. If you fuck with a waiter he will fuck with your food. If you fuck with a baggage handler he will fuck with your baggage. What's so difficult to understand about that?

One woman spit at me when I was working the gate, then demanded she get on the next flight out.
I told her there's no chance in hell of her getting on any flight ever again on our airline, and in fact I'm gonna call the cops over here and they will ban you for life from even stepping foot in Midway airport ever again.
She got real nice after that 'Oh I'm sorry, I am just upset'
'But you spit at me'
'That was an accident'
'No, you reared back and spit right at me'
'I'm sorry, please don't call them'
I slowly pick up the phone
'What if I give you 50 bucks?'
'That sounds like just about enough money to have the spit cleaned off my uniform'
Hands it over.
'Ok go sit down. I'll put you on the next flight, don't spit at anyone else'

I bused tables at a place that offered free refills of soft drinks. Some kid with his date called me over to refill his lemonade glass, by (loudly) saying, "Hey piss boy!" I picked up his glass with many sets of diner's eyes upon me and replied, "So I'm the piss boy, and you would like some more....lemonade." I refilled it for him (with lemonade) and brought it back. Set it down with a flourish, stirred it with the straw a little bit, said "Enjoy!" He didn't drink it.

One woman spit at me when I was working the gate

it's almost understandable given the high stress nature of an airport. almost. but in a fucking bookstore? i had a guy try to start a fight with me. in a bookstore. and by "try to start a fight with me" i mean he talked shit while he was walking away from me. it was so great. there were two reasons i didn't shove that soulpatch-wearing dipshit into a big metal calendar display: one, i didn't want to get fired; two, i was laughing too hard. and why did this dick say he would "fuck me up" and (this is the one that made me laugh) "fuck my whole day up"? because after he and his girlfriend used our business phones more than 4 times we finally told him that he couldn't make a long distance call this time. what sort of insanity do you have to possess to think it's ok to use a store's phones to make a long distance call? just because your iphones aren't working. how does a guy like that deal with bad weather? punch rain drops? sorry, i mean, threaten rain drops?

anyway, i called the cops on him. he split. then i called the cops back to say don't bother. turns out he didn't fuck my whole day up at all.