!
Ritchie Valens
Richie Sambora
Richie Rich

rank must not die

richie valens, b/c he was a cool hispanic dude who made so great a song out of crazy spanish thing in his native language (it was a big hit called 'la bamba')

richie sambora, b/c his chicken pickin' and string scrapes are funny, even though he is almost as out of tune as slash

richie rich, b/c he is not married to heather locklear, he wears short pants, he has the worst haircut this side of big boy of big boy's restaurant fame, and he is a little 'gaewad'

this is as good a time as any to introduce a new word to everyone. this word is 'gae.' it is to be used anytime you might tempted to use the word 'gay' to describe something 'lame.'

you see, 'gay,' besides meaning 'happy in a carefree, joyful way,' also means 'homosexual (usu. male).' and when you use 'gay' to describe something that is lame, you risk offending gay (homosexual) people. use of the word 'gay' in this way is something we should have outgrown in high school.

'gae' is pronounced slightly differently: 'gay-EE,' with a slight upturn on the EE part. if there was something between lower case and capital letters, i would use it to indicate the slightness of the stress. you may need to spell this word after using it, just in case you have let it fly in company which may take offense to its use.

granted, 'gae' may well offend irish people, but no one cares about the irish anyway

rank:

gore vidal
vidal sassoon
the bassoon, a double-reed wind instrument

bassoon: Because Stravinsky rocked it.
vidal sassoon: Because it was in every bathroom of every girl I went out with in the Eighties.
Gore Vidal: Long winded crap-a-pult.


RANK:

Little Steven
Lil Kim
Rich Little

gcbv wrote:RANK:
Little Steven
Lil Kim
Rich Little

I like this one.

Lil Kim: For her unspeakably luscious breasts hold enormous quantities of sex appeal.

Little Steven: For he, too, possesses enormous quantities of sex appeal, assuming that you are a fake gay Italian pirate from New Jersey.

Rich Little: For he is Canadian, and therefore possesses only fetish-specific sex appeal.

Bradley R. Weissenberger wrote:fake gay Italian pirate from New Jersey.

There is something very, very magical about those specific seven words in that sequence.

Please rank:

Chet Atkins
Rowan Atkinson
The Atkins diet

Chet Atkins- for I'm a fan of the Chet Atkins country gentleman guitar (although it's been a few years since I've played one)

Rowan Atkinson- very funny

Atkins diet- a load of total bullshit methinks

Pls rank

Sam Phillips
Philip Seymour Hoffman
Seymour Duncan pickups

oh mattw, you make this rank very hard for me to play,
but i shall play this rank for you.

phillip seymour hoffman - for i have enjoyed his many cinemas
and he has stuck postcards to the wall with his own russian olive oil

seymour duncan pickups - for soon they will be placed into my
guitar where i will spew my russion olive oil

sam phillips - for he has started a music recording studio, but is
a thief and should introduce himself to the dispenser of my russion
olive oil

brian, these are beautiful answers

i would say

psh, for he is some kind of great actor in the _happiness_ and so many other filmages

sam phillips the owner of sun studios for owning sun studios and making elvis records even if he is a 'fucker,' or even sam phillips, the wife of t-bone burnett, for she is a woman and women are all beautiful

seymour duncan pickups, for van zandts are better!!!!!!!!!!

now:

ken burns (documentarian)

george burns' favorite brand of cigar, which was 'white owl'

burning an owl with broken wings using only a magnifying glass and the sun

andrew burns - for the cinemas he has made are better than a dead
owl or a cigar

burning an owl with a magnifying glass - for if charred to perfection with
a touch of marsala will taste like my aunt gina's cooking, which is not
very good, but she is my aunt

white owl - for when charred to perfection still tastes worse than my
aunt gina's cooking

it has been your pleasure,
brian

rank:
accidental wiff of your own mouth stench
accidental wiff of your own armpit stench
accidental wiff of your own backside stench