a couple days ago I was at a show and I was talking to some dude who was in a band, I asked him what kinda stuff they are doing he said 'It's indie rock' I said 'what do you mean?' he said 'you know, indie rock...we do indie rock'

Marsupialized wrote:a couple days ago I was at a show and I was talking to some dude who was in a band, I asked him what kinda stuff they are doing he said 'It's indie rock' I said 'what do you mean?' he said 'you know, indie rock...we do indie rock'

Sounds like the description of every one of my friends' bands.

once our drummer describing the feeling of a song came out saying: ''we should play it like being on a bike at 300 km/h!''. After crying and tears induced by laughs we coined the term SPORT-METAL for him.

"a dizzying collection of chaotic soundscapes that periodically blossom into intense bouts of melodic poovery..."

So these crappy 90s-alt-rock hacks called "Calisus" played my college a few weeks ago. They were expectedly terrible, and managed to throw in covers of The Doors' "Roadhouse Blues", some Bush song, and Weezer's "Undone- The Sweater Song". And they played for around two hours. Thankfully, I was in class for one of them and only came down to where they were playing to take advantage of free hot dogs.

The thing that had pissed me off about the whole thing happened weeks ago, when I looked at the flyers for this show- the band's tagline was "Some Bands Just Have To Be Seen Live". For weeks, my mind was caterwauling over who put that fucking quote there. Did some jackass hack in admissions do so to try to make this terrible band look like they got some hot shit press from Spin or Rolling Stone?

Then I looked on their myspace, and it hit me-

Calisus wrote:Calisus is a high energy, alternative rock band whose live performances have inspired the trademark tag line, "Some bands just have to be seen live... "

Oh, man. THE QUOTE WAS FROM THE FUCKING BAND. My sweet God, you can't toot your own fucking horn like that!

Look at just how much cock these guys suck!

Calisus, the band that sucks wrote:Their new album was mastered by the legendary Howie Weinberg (three decades of multi-platinum albums including Soundgarden, Oasis, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Nirvana, and recently with Smashing Pumpkins, The Killers, Muse, The White Stripes). The newest Calisus CD continues Mr. Weinberg's long history of bringing his genius to rock's next generation of great talent.

Or...

Calisus, the band who is more proficient at autofellatio than Marilyn Manson wrote: Executing a unique internet strategy that extends to promotion of live events, the band even has the Calisus live crew, fans that organize bus trips to venues that Calisus plays. The band is technologically fully equipped, but prefers to use a venue's equipment if that is what produces the best sound. Calisus has up to three hours of original music, plays sets tailored to the audience that each venue attracts, and mixes in covers as diverse as its audience and its own original music (Rolling Stones, The Doors, CCR, The Eagles, Tom Petty, Steve Miller Band, ZZ Top, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Smashing Pumpkins, Sublime, Bush, Oasis, Weezer).

OR...

Calisus, the band that... oh, fuck them, they are beyond this wrote:With a non-stop front man, power drums and complex guitar work and musicianship rarely seen in Rock N' Roll, no one leaves a Calisus show unfulfilled. Everyone leaves with a unique mix of energy and exhaustion.

POWER DRUMS? JUST WHAT THE FUCK ARE POWER DRUMS? My god, I must've seen the rest of that hyperbolic statement in a million other bands' descriptions, but POWER DRUMS? FUCK THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!

Thusly, I submit an open letter to this band, which is called Calisus:

In his open letter to the band Calisus, Chris wrote:Toss My Salad.

Eat a Wonderful Dick,
Christopher Casuga

Dudley wrote:I don't think anyone should use "post-" in their band descriptions - post-apocalyptic, post-rock, post-ironic

I was thinking of coining 'post-ragtime'

Andy wrote:All the shitty and/or green bands do it.

They try to describe their oh-so-new sound in terms of common touchstones, but it's NEW: "We're influence by everything from Jaco Pastorius to King Diamond with a bit of Debbie Gibson's pop sensibilities, but with a sound all our own."

well if you google "a sound all our own", in quotes, you will get 4,810 results, many of which are shitty band descriptions along these lines.

anyhow i was once in a 2-man band with a dude who was promo-obsessed, getting-signed-obsessed, etc, so he thought we should put some real time and effort into the press kit. then he told me he's good at writing so he should have the most say in what goes into the press kit. i told him thats fine, less work for me, i don't think this type of shit should take much "work" anyhow.

what he came up with was really a gem of a funny/absurd/what-the-fuck-are-you-talking-about sort of band description. it went something like this (some of it was so ridiculous that i remember certain parts verbatim):

"First and foremost, we are concerned with rocking your face off. But you may find us difficult to categorize. In the most general sense, our use of samples and pro tools editing might place us in the "cut-n-paste" category, along with bands such as Gnarls Barkley, Portishead, and the Gorillaz. Expect to hear Beatle-esque melodies and chord progressions, Pixies-style guitar clashing, gritty vinyl drums a la Illmatic, and songwriting that walks a fine line between Motown and Leonard Cohen."

"expect to hear..." more like "expect to barf." most of it, including that last sentence especially, i remember pretty much word-for-word because it was such a fucking joke.

fear not; i have since broken up that band, actually as a result of the "TOO MANY BANDS" thread a week ago that encouraged people in shitty bands to break them up (and germ war thought there would be "zero takers").

I'm a senior in high school, so naturally I know a lot of ridiculously misguided rock musicians. I go to school with the drummer in this band.

www.myspace.com/avenida

"From passion comes determination. A desire to be the best. There are few people in the world that have this aura about them. But when you put five guys that have that drive in them together, you get a team that works as one and won’t settle for anything less than amazing. Five brothers acting as a whole is what makes up the sensation that is Avenida. Based in northern New Jersey, but with long branching roots, this band is already very well respected and gaining a strong, widespread following. A wide diversity of driving guitars, complex beats and powerful vocals make up the unique sound of Avenida and showcase nothing short of musical expertise. The energy felt in the songs is only a hint of what comes from the live show. Engaging and exciting, this band makes clear the difference between a 'concert' and a 'show'.

Always thinking two steps ahead of where they are, Avenida is always at work coming up with new ideas for their fans. The same quality of care and perfection is put into everything from the music to the artwork to the promotion. Everything in this band is done for the pure love and joy of music. Without it you’ve got nothing. With ever expanding horizons, Avenida is ready to take on anything that comes their way and show the world what their music is."

EDIT: Oh, while I'm talking about high school bands, these guys have become infamous among my friends. The front man is an entrepreneur (Worldcore Records, which can be found through the MySpace top friends) and a philanthropist (the DTO Foundation for Suicide Prevention), so I'm tempted to post the descriptions for those, but then the post would be too long. And if you're tempted to look, the blog entry titled "People Got Freaked Out By Our Lyrics- Read For Full Story" is pretty precious.

www.myspace.com/denyingtheobvious


"An honest, free-spirited, not-pushed-around-by-the-politics band is hard to come by, especially when you’re a fan of metal. With all the people who think metal and satanic music should be banned in the world, many bands end up submitting to the public opinion of what music should be. DENYING THE OBVIOUS is not one of those bands. The four-piece lineup has made it known that they are here to say what they feel, and not to please anyone. Their lyrics speak to everyone because every word can be felt any time frontman Brandon Zemel sings or screams a line, and it’s felt in every person’s heart who hears it, while Brendan Brecka’s pounding drums give each song the heart-thumping backbeat they deserve. Every song has a personal meaning behind, yet one that everyone can relate to, whether it be about love, family, friends, hate, God, the devil, suicide, or anything else. The band makes sure you know it’s the truth. The members, Brandon Zemel (lead vocals/guitar), Kevin Borrello (guitar), Chris Gerges (bass), and Brendan Brecka (drums), come from different musical backgrounds, which have all evolved over the years, from classic rock to death metal. Denying The Obvious presents an uncommon fusion of alternative rock and hardcore, with the touch of emo in their heartfelt lyrics. Their live shows are always a topic for discussion, as they bring their high level of energy to the stage, right in front of your eyes. Their new songs will be even better than the last batch, and the band will stop at nothing to show the world what they’ve got; a heart full of emotion, and a band full of metal.

The band released their first album Crimson Peace in April 2007, and return to the studio in January 2008 to record their sophomore effort, Sinister Desire, slated for release in March/April 2008. The band signed with DTO Records in April, which changed it’s name to Worldcore Records in May. Sinister Desire will be released under Worldcore Records."

REVIEWS
"Denying The Obvious’ live stage performances always have high-energy. And when combined with their heavy heart-thumping beats, mind-warping melodies, and deep, powerful, emotional lyrics, it creates an atmosphere that no other band has yet created. Their career has skyrocketed. They have gotten much better, written many songs, and have been playing alot more shows. Denying The Obvious rocks!" -Amanda Zemel
"A great band... could breakout soon..." -Dan Gargano, CEO Audible Spectrum Records
"Really good!"- Sound man at The Galaxy Cafe
"Kick ass!"- Casey Leatzow, Three Lakes, WI
"And that was Denying The Obvious, a metal band based from right here in Morristown. That track was called Crimson Peace, and it’s off their brand new album, just released April 14, and the album is also called Crimson Peace. Expect to hear a lot more of them in the near future! They’re a great band with a lot of potential, and I know they’ll become big soon."- David "DJ Smokey" Cook, DJ for WJSV 90.5 FM, Morristown, NJ
"Pretty good"- Eric Doyle, Morristown, NJ
"Like a pill of f**king anger and music. Best taken when pissed. Denying The Obvious rocks!"- Mike Clarke, Chatham, NJ

TrashAGoGo wrote:"From passion comes determination. A desire to be the best. There are few people in the world that have this aura about them. But when you put five guys that have that drive in them together, you get a team that works as one and won’t settle for anything less than amazing. "

This sounds more like the blurb for some shitty sports documentary than a band.

Rule of Thumb: If, when describing your band, you make it sound more like you wanna go tackle some motherfucker on a football field instead of play a guitar, go tackle some motherfucker on a football field instead.

Well, I'll add the descriptions for Worldcore Records and the DTO Foundation for Suicide Prevention. (See my other post.) This thread deserves them. Keep in mind this is all a sophomore in high school.

www.myspace.com/worldcorerecords

About Worldcore Records
READ OUR FAQ AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS ABOUT ME BEFORE MESSAGING US FOR BOOKING!!!!!

Worldcore Records is a small indie label from New Jersey, owned by Brandon Zemel, frontman for metal band Denying The Obvious. As his band got more experienced, and he gained experience in promoting shows, he decided to sign his friend's band, Ian And The Motown Boys, a classic rock and 50's revival band from New Jersey. Worldcore will also be promoting shows in New Jersey of all kinds; rock, metal, rap, jazz, etc. Worldcore is now accepting applications for bands interested in being signed.

TO BECOME SIGNED, YOU MUST:
-not be affiliated with any other label
-completed some type of tour
-have some sort of acceptable-quality demo recording
-NOT have a rockstar attitude
-be willing to work hard
If you think you fit this description, send us a message on MySpace or an email at label@worldcorerecords.net. We will be posting shows that we host and that our bands will be playing at soon.

BOOKING INFORMATION
-Some major shows require contracts as a guarantee you will play. We've had too many bands not show up or leave before their set. We'd like to trust everyone, but we can't due to some bands being responsible and others not. No contract is necessary for normal club shows, but anything out-of-the-ordinary (major festivals, big shows with national acts, etc.) may.
-We DO BOOK HEADLINING ACTS! These acts range from bands on small indie labels to some of the bigger names in independent music. DO NOT ASK TO BE A HEADLINER UNLESS YOU ARE SIGNED! YOUR REQUEST WILL BE IGNORED! The purpose of headliners is that it's a selling point- if you're well known, people will come to see the show. If your not, why should we make you a headliner? All shows with a band that is signed to Worldcore has the band as the headliner, no questions asked.
-All of our shows are all ages. Some may be all ages 21 to drink if they are at a bar, but most of them are not
-We book throughout NJ and NY.
-If you need shows, WE CAN HELP! We work with huge companies who have MILLIONS of venues AND BANDS in their databases. Just ask for something, and we can usually get it.
-WE BOOK TOURS! It costs, but it's cheaper than doing it through a huge agency who will assrape you with charges. Just contact us and we'll try and set something up.
-ALL BOOKING FOR OUR SHOWS IS DONE THROUGH MYSPACE!
-Any questions not answered here can be asked by emailing info@worldcorerecords.net or messaging us here on myspace.

ATTENTION ALL SIGNED BANDS! WE ARE BOOKING HEADLINERS FOR OUR SHOWS! Even if you do not want shows right now, give us your info so we can put it in our database for the future. THIS IS FOR SIGNED BANDS! All other bands, please contact us when you see a show you want or want to ask us to book one for you.

FAQ
FAQ Q: How do I book a show with you?
A: Send us a message for booking info. Most booking is done through MySpace. If you have labels or agents contacting us instead of the band directly coming to us, have them email booking@worldcorerecords.net.

Q: My band only does paying gigs, do you pay bands?
A: Under the right circumstances, yes. You must fit one or more of these situations: 1) You have a GREAT track record with us and we know you can draw huge crowds, 2) you are signed to a well-known indie label (i.e. Roadrunner Records, Trustkill, Ferret, etc.), or 3) you are signed to a major label. Otherwise, no we don't pay. It's not worth it for us to pay the venue, insurance, security, sound techs, tickettakers, and THEN pay a band that we don't even know. When your name is Slipknot or something, then we'll talk.

Q: Do I have to pay to play?
A: Usually, no. Some shows, yes. If it's a show that requires payment for presale tickets (usually only shows with a big headliner, national act, or at a large venue), we will tell you before you are confirmed so you're not surprised after you book. Payment for shows that require it is done through either PayPal or by a check through the mail.

Q: Do we have to sell presale tickets?
A: Until very recently, no you didn't. As of now, yes you do. It's not much though. It's just so that we know that we aren't going to lose money. Most shows require 10-15 tickets, which is not a lot. If you can't get 10 people out to a show, stick to private parties. Please be upfront about how many people you can get so that no one goes home disappointed. Any show with a national headliner requires 25 or more tickets. Message us to find out what the presale amount is for each show.

Q: Do you promote?
A: YES YES YES!!!!! We make flyers for most shows and distribute them like crazy, and we also plaster internet sites and blogs, as well as word of mouth and email mailing lists. But its up to the bands to promote as well. If you don't bring out a crowd, we're not gonna want to book you again, are we?

Q: Do you book out of state/touring bands?
A: Yes! Message us and we'll work something out.

Q: How can I contact you?
A: Through MySpace. That is the best way, we check it more than 3 times every single day. You can also email info@worldcorerecords.net.

And...


Denying The Obvious is a metal band from Morristown and Livingston, New Jersey. Many of their songs talk about pain, death, and suicide. This doesn't mean they support it. In fact, they are against it.

Brandon Zemel of Denying The Obvious created the DTO Foundation For Suicide Prevention simply because he believes that when someone believes that there is no other option than to kill them self, it is our job as members of the same human race to do whatever we can to prevent someone from destroying their life.

If you believe that suicide prevention needs to be increased in the world, please join this group. Within a few weeks, there will be PayPal account set up for e-donations, and there will be a collection box at all Denying The Obvious and Worldcore Records shows. Feel free to message Brandon Zemel for any ideas for making donations. We will also have merchandise for this foundation soon.

All donations will be split up among major organization that assist in suicide prevention.