I'll start.

If an embalmer has poorly set the features (which means closing the eyes and posing the mouth), and the deceased has a frown after embalming, straight pins are often inserted up into the corners of the mouth and covered over with wax.

this looks like a fun thread. i'm trying to think of the stupid shit i know from the billion jobs i've had.

p.s.-iembalm...ew.

Unless Steve arrives to tell us that the lead vocals on "Cactus" are actually Kim, no one is going to be able to beat that.

I Embalm, can I be the first to demand more charnel house chit-chat? Do you spend your lunch breaks sitting on the gurneys with bags of pickled eggs, listening to Mortuary Hour, as depicted by Monty Python?

No revelation here, but a reminder; if you are rude to a waiter/waitress, they have the ability to do unspeakable things to your food before you eat it.

Noise around airports gets all the attention, because planes are loud and in-your-face and interrupt conversations and make it so you can't hear teevee. So noise gets all the attention, because that's what everybody complains about. What people don't complain about as much, however, are the emissions from the aircraft, airfield equipment, and associated freight industry. This is ironic because noise is just a little annoying, while the emissions actually cause cancer and make you live a lower-quality life with your for-shit lungs, and eventually kill you.

Used as excuses to customers by support folks:

"the network must have lost it" or "the email must have been lost"

Whenever I hear these excuses used by other IT folks that i work with, I wanna slap them. Using these 2 excuses usually means you forgot to do something and/or you fucked up.

At my factory like job, if we fuck up an order of 1000 widgets and we have to eat it, we slowly slip the fucked up widgets into later orders of unfucked up widgets.

The company I work for never gives a likelihood of finding oil in a specific location over 15%.

Usually it is an 8-12% possibility.

if you put a corpse in an airplane facing the wrong way it's head will explode during the flight.

i need to go bump the "what do you do?" thread.