garble wrote:

scott wrote:

STF wrote:U-turn where prohibited. I was a six blocks from home, too.

Was there more to the bust than just the U-Turn? Did they find the two dead and one half-dead hookers in your trunk, too?

If he's talking about Boulder (see: 'smartest' town in america, also, whitest) then a U-Turn was probably enough for some serious "I don't know buddy, you fit the profile of a careless driver, I'm really concerned about your spiritual well-being..." talk.

Of course, he could have also been driving: A) without a bike rack or B) without the prerequisite Volvo, Saab, Volksvagen or Subaru.

or maybe the car he was driving had Texas plates.

no, wait... if that was the case then he'd have been the victim of an unfortunate accidental multiple discharge into the face and chest from a police firearm.

twice at the same supermarket in fort worth, once when i was 8 and the other time i was 11 or 12...

the first time was over a toy, the second time was over candy...i used to steal packs of now and laters and sell them for a dime a piece and make a little bank that way...

i was on my way to school one morning and stopped off at the supermarket close to my neighborhood, back then i had the skater haircut where it was long bangs covering the front of your eyes...i have thick hair so i could see out but they couldn't see my eyes so i took advantage of that fact...i have my head tilted down checking out the candy rack but my eyes are looking in all directions from under the fluff and i'm trying to slide a long pack of now and laters up my blue jean jacket's sleeve when some undercover cop (at least i assume he was a cop) grabs me by the lapels and lifts me up off the floor asking me if i wanted to get busted, while i'm getting busted! then proceeds to pat me down and go through my pockets asking me about various things that i had in them...then spins me around and grabs me by the scruff of the jacket like a dog and throws me out of the door...i was laughing like a maniac because it was embarrassing and because they didn't do anything to me so i felt fortunate and alive that morning...

Red Square wrote:i used to steal packs of now and laters and sell them for a dime a piece

Mystery mix and watermelon.

Fuck you.

I wasted quite a bit of lunch money on your little enterprise.

thank you for helping me to further fund my cause in terrorism...

the only time i got collared at a store for stealing it was all a load of bullshit.

school had just let out and i had a cold can of soda in my bag and the cashier accused me of stealing it.

i explained i bought it from the vending machine at school.

"The why is it still COLD, you little fucking wiseass?!" followed by a shove to 13 yr old me that sent me into a display.

"COS I JUST BOUGHT IT NOT 4 MINUTES AGO, ASSHOLE!"

this got me grabbed by ass and collar and thrown onto the hood of a car idling out front of the 7-11.

a police car.

and so the cashier got arrested for assaulting a minor.

dunno if he lost his job over it, but in 1983 i'll bet the answer was 'yes'.

Fucking footprints.

Never got caught for nothin' important.

Never cheated on no bitch.

Never done nothin'.

Fuckin' saint.

i always managed to talk my way out of it, whether it was with women or the law. i'm not much for talking, but it comes in handy sometimes...

Very very long story short...

15 years old piss drunk ripping up political signs that were in the front yards of this really sleazy rich neighborhood (the kind with houses that have only a few feet of grass). It wouldn't have been as bad as it was if the guy walking his dog wasn't an undercover cop. Fuck.

Good thing I was younger. I didn't get charged because it was my first offense but I had to go to these pseudo-AA meetings with my mother. It was hilarious being in this room with all these complete junkies. I remember one dude showing up high as fuck on something and getting arrested. It was in a government building! Half of it was a courthouse!

Josef K wrote:Pissing in the street, too near a police car. £25 fine. 1984.

Got caught for that last night, managed to charm my way out of it luckily and only got told to go home. Amazingly they didn't even take my bottle of cider off me.