1. crying children in busy public places. nothing against kids or parents taking their kids with them. but crying children make me sad.

2. ringing phones. doesn't matter what kind of phone. i hate it when my phone rings. it's just a sound i hate.

3. snotty, pretentious, holier than thou types. any walk of life, condescension just bothers me.

4. detuned guitars. lower doesn't equal more rock. nor does it change that D to F is still a minor third progression. other than pitch no different than E to G. i'm talking to you, metal bands.

5. people who bitch about volume when seeing bands play. if you go to a club and are expecting a rock band, odds are it's going to be loud.

6. the prices on new fender guitars and basses. the prices on "vintage" guitars.

7. people who make fun of what other people are wearing. some circumstances i'll forgive. particularly religious themed t-shirts. fuck those.

8. people who yell smartass remarks at bands. freebird is never funny.

9. people who never call, don't return phone calls but are always the first to say something like, "it's been awhile" or "where have you been?"

10. people who honk at me while i'm on my bike. yeah, asshole, i know you're there. i'm over as far as i can be without busting my knuckles on sideview mirrors.

11. seeing people drive a new car that was just put on the market yesterday.

12. people driving expeditions, navigators, tahoes, H2's, etc. downtown in the city.

13. poorly paved/poorly repaired roads. the city should pay for my alignment. particularly when they want to build a baseball field in the downtown part of my city for $350m and the roads all over the city are such shit.

14. collectors who drive up prices then sell at higher prices.

15. people who think slaughterhouse 5 is the best book kurt vonnegut ever wrote. especially when it's the only book if his they've read.

jim primate wrote:12. people driving expeditions, navigators, tahoes, H2's, etc. downtown in the city.

Yeah, and then driving around for twenty minutes looking for a place to park. "Hey hotshot, you spent $50k on the car, now pay $20 to park that damn thing so we can get on with our lives!"

15. people who think slaughterhouse 5 is the best book kurt vonnegut ever wrote. especially when it's the only book if his they've read.

We all know "Breakfast of Champions" is his finest work. Pure genius....

Here's another...

People at shows who _can't_ stay in one place for more than 5 minutes to watch a band. No. They must constantly go back and forth, back and forth. What's worse is those that do it midway through a set when it is already packed and uncomfortable. Please don't do this at Slint. I might have to kill you.

That is all!

What about when people describe something as SOOOOOOO great, or REAALLLLYY delicious? Is that different from so great, or really delicious? Calm down! It isn't as if Christ returned to earth, it's just a piece of lasagna. This really turns my crank.

I'm afraid that maybe I do this sometimes and I don't notice when I'm doing it. I hope not. I REAAAALLLYY hope not.

Linus Van Pelt wrote:What about when people describe something as SOOOOOOO great, or REAALLLLYY delicious? Is that different from so great, or really delicious? Calm down! It isn't as if Christ returned to earth, it's just a piece of lasagna. This really turns my crank.

I'm afraid that maybe I do this sometimes and I don't notice when I'm doing it. I hope not. I REAAAALLLYY hope not.

I'll say the one-uped version of this is when someone says, "That ____ was just to DIE for!".

WTF?

geiginni wrote:

Linus Van Pelt wrote:What about when people describe something as SOOOOOOO great, or REAALLLLYY delicious? Is that different from so great, or really delicious? Calm down! It isn't as if Christ returned to earth, it's just a piece of lasagna. This really turns my crank.

I'm afraid that maybe I do this sometimes and I don't notice when I'm doing it. I hope not. I REAAAALLLYY hope not.

I'll say the one-uped version of this is when someone says, "That ____ was just to DIE for!".

And I'll say the one upped version of that is when they say that some place was "to DIE for," and then they say, "Have you been?"

OK, this one really fucking kills me...

People at the symphony who can't keep dead quiet for 20-30 minutes.

Coughing, thoat clearing, unwrapping gum/candy, shifting around, breathing loud through their stuffed nose/fat mouth, sniffling, rustling paper, whispering to their mate.

I always end up next to: the obese guy who breathes like a beached whale; the 80 year old smoker on the broken oxygen machine; the person with a head cold who just couldn't miss it; the fidgety asshole who was dragged there by his wife; the young guy who wants to argue with his date.

SIT STILL AND DON'T MAKE A FUCKING NOISE TILL IT'S OVER!

And the crusty old farts who end up in a snit about anything that's more modern than Brahms. It said it was going to be Hillborg/Varese/Bartok on the fucking program. If you can't sit through 20 minutes of anything less tonal than Dvorak than go sit in the fucking Lounge! I've had it with crusty old cunts that think they can be rude just because it's not sweet music to THEIR distended ears...

4. detuned guitars. lower doesn't equal more rock. nor does it change that D to F is still a minor third progression. other than pitch no different than E to G. i'm talking to you, metal bands.

You're gonna eat what I pick. And I hope you choke on it!



Mouthbreathers, although annoying to most of us, are especially bad when you work for the phone company (or similiar). If it takes a minute, or even 30 seconds to find the number for them and the whole time they're waiting they're just breathing at you, you just sit there thinking "Die. Die now." The amount of times I had to bite my tongue to not say What the fuck is wrong with you? Do you realise you're SNORING WHILE YOU'RE AWAKE?

geiginni wrote:

15. people who think slaughterhouse 5 is the best book kurt vonnegut ever wrote. especially when it's the only book if his they've read.

We all know "Breakfast of Champions" is his finest work. Pure genius....

People who say Kurt Vonnegut is high school material. I fucking hate that. I was at some party and I mentioned that I liked Kurt Vonnegut, and this cunt went into this tirade about how that's high school literature and it's really not worthy of anything. She didn't mention any authors she felt were mature. Just wanted me to know that my tastes are juvenile.

Yes, you can read Slaughterhouse Five in highscool... You can also read "Player Piano" later on, and realize how fucking true it is. That's my favorite, because that's exactly what's happening to America. Breakfast is great. They're all great. I spent a summer reading all of his books (in college, mind you, not high school), and they're wonderful. His autobiographical collages (Palm Sunday, Granfalloons {... something, something I forget) are great too. Did you know his daughter was married to Geraldo Rivera, and KV hates the guy. He said he was the most phony selfish and greedy piece of shit ever. His name isn't even Geraldo. He made up this latino identity to seem different...

I do not like the molded plastic packaging that things like razors and headphones come in.

It is next to impossible to open with bare human hands. It is even resistent to offensive attacks made with the aid of common household implements such as the scissors. I need a damn utility knife to get into my Megapack of Mach 3 razors, rendering the molded plastic unsuitable for continued storage of its contents.

Fuck off, molded plastic packaging! Go to die!