jimmy spako wrote:plus i get suspicious when i meet a girl & she doesn't have amicable relationships with her exs. it's usually for a good reason.

Maybe it's because they were all emotional cripples and couldn't deal with acting mature after the breakup?

Even when they initiated the breakup?

Way to blame the girl, Quickdraw.

Why automatically blame the guys? I wouldn't automatically assume either way, unless I knew the particular couple. There are plenty of emotional cripples, man or woman.

tommydski wrote:Depends on the relationship.
Depends on the people.
Depends how it ended.

True.

Not crap, if it can be managed. It isn't always possible.

I broke up with my boyfriend recently and plan to stay friends with him. I think we will. We were friends for a year before the fucking started, which latter phase lasted about 6 months.

I'm not interested in anyone else right now, but our relationship incompatibility has become intolerable to me. Rather than have it drag on and probably ruin any chance for us to stay friends, it seems best to call it off now. I don't think either of us has seriously wronged the other.

He's sad and mad right now, but he hasn't been that thrilled with our relationship for a while either, and I am pretty certain he will want us to stay friends.

I wouldn't necessarily object to sex once in a while until one of us starts in with somebody else, but I'm not counting on it either.

i have tried my best to be friends for most of 'em.

i have tried my best and failed my best.

burun wrote:

jimmy spako wrote:plus i get suspicious when i meet a girl & she doesn't have amicable relationships with her exs. it's usually for a good reason.

Maybe it's because they were all emotional cripples and couldn't deal with acting mature after the breakup?

Even when they initiated the breakup?

Way to blame the girl, Quickdraw.

na, sorry, that came off wrong.

in my experience, it usually meant that she had pulled some shit & her ex(s) didn't want to have anything to do with her. trail of dead/scorched earth kinda thing. & i then learned the hard way too. of course this goes both ways. i didn't mean to phrase it like something is wrong with a woman who hasn't stayed friends with her exs, or whose exs haven't been able to stay friends with her, but that's what i did.

i guess what i meant is that i feel better when someone is on good terms with their exs & this inspires more trust from the beginning.


quick on the draw, slow on the think this morning.

burun wrote:

jimmy spako wrote:plus i get suspicious when i meet a girl & she doesn't have amicable relationships with her exs. it's usually for a good reason.

Maybe it's because they were all emotional cripples and couldn't deal with acting mature after the breakup?

without blaming anyone, if they were -all- emotional cripples you should probably examine what it is that attracts this girl to you.

ironyengine wrote:

burun wrote:

jimmy spako wrote:plus i get suspicious when i meet a girl & she doesn't have amicable relationships with her exs. it's usually for a good reason.

Maybe it's because they were all emotional cripples and couldn't deal with acting mature after the breakup?

without blaming anyone, if they were -all- emotional cripples you should probably examine what it is that attracts this girl to you.

his emotional wheelchair ramp.

bassdriver wrote:well let's be friends in an year or two. just not right now....

Agreed. I'm friends with most of my ex's, but being friends right away does not fucking work. I've tried many times. There's just too much drama stemming from hurt feelings. A year down the road is about right.

tipcat wrote: I've tried many times. There's just too much drama stemming from hurt feelings. .

Not only that

Romantic relationship and friendship are two different kinds of relationship. They have two different natures.
And I don't think you are necessarily behaving immaturely just because you dont want being friends after the break up.
there is no rule that says that.

ozzy lee harvwald wrote:It's only as weird as you want to make it. I'm still friends with a few and I'm in abject disgust with others.

Yeah, seconded.

In instances where I've made a mistake by entering into a certain kind of relationship with a certain kind of someone, I feel it's better to just steer clear of them 100% in the future. Far from this being "immature", I think that two adults should be able to get on with their lives just fine without having to deal with one another. Besides, if one person in a forest is talking a lot of drama, and I'm not there to hear any of it, do I give two damp shits?

In the one case* where an ex of mine was a cool person whose company and intimacy were more rewarding, I found it easier to remain on a friendly level, even with all of the baggage and history. We were friends for a good while before we ever started dating, so maybe this is why it's possible.

I guess like somebody already said:

tommydski wrote:Depends on the relationship.
Depends on the people.
Depends how it ended.

*I should point out that I was pretty bad at the relationship business for quite a long time.