Chicago's "If You Leave Me Now"

If you queef me now
You'll blow a vaginal fart on me...



El DeBarge's "Rhythm of the Night'

I had to pee in the middle of the night
I turned on the bathroom light

This is a little embarrassing but when I have a terrible song stuck in my head (like Weezer's "Pork and Beans" is now) I change the lyrics and sing to my cats. For example,

(To the tune of "Pork and Beans")
Her name is Tina
But I call her Beans.
She's a cute
Adorable kitty.
When I'm at work
She sleeps and waits for me.
When I get home
I'll feed her Fancy Feast.

And so on...

More Bon Jovi:

Your love is like Bad Venison
Bad Venison is what I need

a guy I used to work with would make shit up at the top of his lungs all day while we were driving around in the work truck listening to the radio. he was an asshole for many reasons but he had some gems:

U2: I Still Haven't Found a Good-Looking Whore

more Bon Jovi:
. . .scars on my cock, and you're to blame
baybuh you give head a bad name

my favorite was that song Hold Your Head Up by Argent(?)
chop your cat up (whoa)
chop your cat up (whoa)
chop your cat up (whoa)
SMOKE IT GET HIGH

She's a black magic wolfman.

Then there's Latin Roots by Fugazi. I know a few people, including my dad, who thought the last lines were "It's time to meet Jamaicans."

And when longdivi and I used to work at the same law firm, we'd frequently rework the lyrics to The Lion Sleeps tonight so that they'd be about various lawyers at our work and their engaging in pedophilia. Good, classy times.

Oh, and then there's Meatloaf: I would do anyting for fudge.

I actually had to sit through a Meatloaf cover band last year. It was awful. They performed Meatloaf covers, and also a cover of Total Eclipse of the Heart, which was written by the same dude who wrote many of Meatloaf's songs.

I just came up with this today

Bob Seger wrote:That's why I'm doin' both CHICKS AND DUDES!

PEPPER! wrote:my favorite was that song Hold Your Head Up by Argent(?)
chop your cat up (whoa)
chop your cat up (whoa)
chop your cat up (whoa)
SMOKE IT GET HIGH

LOVE IT.

At some point, I transmogrified the chorus of "Smells Like Teen Spirit" into:

Here we are now, entertain us
Stick a pork chop in your anus

"Well, she bleeds like a pig, but she's always a wolfman to me."