major malling marsupial wrote:...babies are remarkably resilient...

Yeah, I think more damage is done in fearing things. My son's first bike crash, and the consequent stitches, scared the shit outta me. Blood everywhere. And a couple months later, he was like, "Rad scar!" AND he knew not to hit the front brakes while turning.

Or, my neighbors kept their windows shut, kids bundled (if they even dared even go out in the winter), avoided anything avoidable -- no petting cats, and if you did, then time for sanitizing hand lotion. And their kids have asthma. Both of them. I'm not sayin' over-protection causes such maladies, it's just... if you're gonna get the flu, you're gonna get the flu.

Protect the kid, but let him figure stuff out.

Oh, and also: No baby talk. Ever. Babies don't even like it. Always talk to a baby as if he's a college sophomore (when not drunk).






I mean a not-drunk college sophomore.

My best friend's wife had a baby boy today. Fucking awesome. He is a big boy, 9 lbs 9oz.

matte wrote:
With both of our kids breastfeeding was damn near impossible so my wife pumped breastmilk and we supplemented with formula 1 out of 8 feedings or so. I try to use formula in the night feedings because it takes about 4 hours to digest, whereas breast milk takes about three. That extra hour of sleep is awesome.

If the lactation consultant recommends an herb called fenugreek I would proceed with caution. Not only did it NOT increase her milk, she had a seizure 4 weeks after our first was born. I'm not saying her seizure was directly caused by fenugreek, but she had never had one before and hasn't had one since. Formula is not a bad thing. In general I found the lactation consultants to be a nasty waste of time. YMMV.

us too. we tried pumping and everything, but the kids just weren't getting enough milk, so after weeks of sadness, crying and tremendous disappointment, we gave up on the hippy ideal, and stopped starving the children. that's why they make formula.

we also tried cotton diapers and a diaper service - that lasted about a month.

we tried feeding them organic vegetables, ground at home etc. they wouldn't eat it.

this is after trying natural childbirth, and finding that after 20 hours of labor, it fucking hurts way way way too much to give birth without drugs.


so, aside from having the best intentions and hopes for the all natural hippy-stylee experience, and having those hopes completely dashed, it was great.

Now we have an excellent 6 year old and an excellent 4 year old. Did I mention that they are cute, smart, and excellent?

Get this book Now. Learn it with wifey/GF and your dadness and restful nights will be a joy.

sunyab wrote:Oh, and also: No baby talk. Ever. Babies don't even like it. Always talk to a baby as if he's a college sophomore (when not drunk).

I mean a not-drunk college sophomore.

Hear Hear. Great advice.

Congratulations.

sunyab wrote:
I mean a not-drunk college sophomore.

Those are a myth. No one's actually obtained conclusive proof they exist.

world of pee wrote:oh, i was already planning on changing diapers. i don't look forward to it, but jesus, dads who don't change diapers? what kind of treason is that? it's not like we have to go through labor or anything -- the least we can do is change diapers.

Changing a diaper is only a thing until you do it. The learning curve is very shallow, and in a day or 2 it is as easy as swinging a hammer. Flossing your teeth is a much more arduous chore.

I've been a dad for all of 4 weeks so I don't have any real parenting advice, but having just lived the experience that you're going through/about to go through here's my advice:
1) read the stupid pregnancy books. Having a baby is nothing like you see on t.v., and your wife is going to be kind of out of sorts and will need you to know your shit in case an important decision needs to be made.
2) Discuss a birth plan with your ob or midwife. Discuss pain medication, where you want the baby to go right after delivery, medical intervention, etc. It's pretty easy to find a template online.
3) Question anything funny the doctors are doing. The business of delivering babies is really something else and many doctors do things just to do them. My uber-intelligent wife was in a near baby coma for a week or so afterwards. The doctors would talk to her and she'd hear almost nothing they said regarding important medical stuff, because she was so focused on our son. So it was my job to be extra vigilant and I always made sure that any procedure performed on my son was medically necessary or necessary for his recovery. I was shocked at how many times the doctors said "no, this isn't really that important", yet they were willing to draw blood for it.
4) No one is a better advocate for your baby and wife than you are.
5) Breasts feeding can be hard. If you guys choose to do it encourage your wife. Also, as said before, a little formula is not anywhere near the worst thing in the world.

Congrats!

R.F.F. wrote:Breasts feeding can be hard. If you guys choose to do it encourage your wife.

Maybe take pictures when the breastfeeding works. Not for your own gratification, but to document the posture and method of holding the kid that works. Funny little things will throw them off.

You may be surprised at how rattled you get by absolutely inconsolable crying, if you have to deal with that. And you probably will.

A friend of mine works in law enforcement, and he said he never understood how someone could commit infanticide until he had a kid. Then he understood it.

He wasn't joking!

Earplugs are useful at times, even if they only take the edge off.

Also, when it's time to get the sleep thing in order, just do it. Don't screw around any more than you absolutely must. Kids like discipline and order. I'm about 10 times more strict than I ever thought I would be--so far so good.

Congratulations. It's my favorite thing in the world, being a father. Please don't make me listen to Brothers in Arms.

Congrats, pee world!

For the first several months, being a parent is every bit as awesome (and challenging) as you expect it to be. However, after the first few months, you'll find that it's much more awesome than you had expected. It's also awesome in a mostly private manner. Case in point:

Last weekend, my wife, 18-month-old son, and I were eating breakfast. My son really enjoyed the strawberries we gave him. He ate them all, plus the remaining few strawberries left in a bowl on the table. He said "berries" several times, indicating that he wanted more. Finally, he looked over the table and noticed that the bowl was empty, his tray was empty, and we had eaten the strawberries on our own plate. He said--and we'd never, ever heard him use any of these words before, let alone as a sentence--"they're all gone! They're all gone!"

My heart still melts when I think about this.

But it likely means nothing to anyone else, especially to people who don't have kids. So when you've started wearing sandals--even with socks!--or feel slightly less in touch with the things you used to do, when you don't go to shows as often as before, when you feel more preoccupied with being a parent than with, I dunno, being cool or whatever, remember that you've got a bond with someone that others can witness and imagine and possibly relate to but never experience.

read the "how to" books, but take them with a mountain of salt.