Helped my favorite Mexican... http://www.vivajava.ca pick out a guitar, amp, and distortion pedal today. Even though he's new to the guitar, I insisted he get started on the right foot. So, he ended up with a ESP Ltd. Floyd-Rose shredder, a reissue Fender Champ, and a Tech 21 XXXL pedal for some 'grit'. In return for the gear-guidance, he gave me an early-80's Ibanez stereo delay pedal (DD-10, or something), a old baby-blue DOD stereo chorus pedal, and Weston-brand mic echo unit (cheesy, non-adjustable slapback delay for pa systems). Apparently, someone had left all that just laying around at his coffee shop. A fair deal.

Got my face melted/slayed by the mighty Knot Feeder (and had a chat with Mike Banfield, whose band it is). Between sets, I finished a beer and put the bottle down on a table with other empties; it was promptly picked up and swigged from by one of a group of young ladies who'd been sitting nearby. Um, well, I was done with it; if you can get anything out of it, you're welcome to it, but as a behavior it seemed rather odd to me.

Then my face was put back together by the excellent Dianogah. Jay and Jason were both perfect gentlemen, and funny to boot. They had qhnnnl. (I see this as a positive thing.)

Today: the three-year-old has been requesting "Leave the Capitol." Boy makes me proud.

My awesome girlfriend left town until Tuesday. She asked me to give her some good music for the ride.

I did not think it was too early in the relationship for a Killdozer tape.

Look at thisand try not to smile.

I am currently at the radio station -- doing my every-other-week show that I have been doing for over 15 years. If anyone online is interested in hearing it, you can catch it with streaming radio links at koto.org.

Super depressed at the moment. Got a volunteer commitment to fulfill at the party downstairs in less than two hours and it may take everything I've got to keep it together amidst all the hoopla. I should be perfectly happy right now - this movie I'm in just got 3 out of 4 stars in the Star Tribune and has been all but unanimously well received, and a lot of other things are going well too - but instead, at the moment, I'm a nervous wreck, reduced to a child-like timidity on account of poor chemical health. Last night I felt just as desperate for some reason, but two Red Stripes and several pages of Peter Handke's excellent A Sorrow Beyond Dreams later, I was in better spirits and fell asleep feelign okay. (Which is kind of ironic seeing as how Handke's novella is about his mother's suicide and the "horror of existence.") In general I don't know what the fucking deal is. So many factors, inter-related factors. And all the doctors can do is speculate. Wait and see. Trial and error. Sometimes I just can't snap out of this shit and it makes me feel weaker by the minute. It's fruitless and emasculating and I wish it would stop. Granted, this isn't a cry for help - I've got a fair amount of support here and elsewhere- it's just that I feel obscenely LOW right now, and I'm not about to share this with people who are on their way to a party, doing their very best to have a good time. So yeah, y'all are my emotional dumping ground. Lucky you, PRF! But I feel slightly better all of a sudden, having typed all of this out. So thanks for indulging me...it'll be okay.

Make yourself an egg cream. It cheered me up a bit.

I've managed to eat most of a granny smith apple. It's been satisfactory thus far, so satisfactory that I'll have entirely consumed it by the time I hit the submit button. More food!

Good luck feeling better, Dave. Sometimes posting about it is pretty relieving. And congratulations on the accolades.

SO, just about all of the anxiety and depression that I was experiencing earlier this evening subsided with little effort once I went downstairs and started doing my duties and socializing. Ran into enough friends and friendly acquaintances that I was able to put my self-absorption to rest and actually enjoy - yes, fully enjoy! - the company of those around me. Was like night and day, really.

Sometimes I'm astounded by the range of moods one can go through throughout the course of a day. All the vacillating, I mean. It's utterly absurd, and yet, somehow, as long as things end up all right, it all seems perfectly tolerable.

Gonna munch on something, maybe even cook a veggie burger, and then possibly head to an afterparty.

Phew!

EDIT: Thanks for your words of encouragement. And yes, for one reason or another, simply trying to articulate one's dis-ease makes it easier to deal with shit somehow. (Tom Cruise is indeed a batty-ass fuckwit.)