Earwicker wrote:The Sparky situ is entirely different as the fellas comment comes loaded with a load of racial, colonialist, patronising baggage so I could understand enragement there.

Yeah, there is that... But I still feel that there is a parallel here; as Ringo puts it, there's an implied judgment made by the guy, and whilst his judgment was positive in this case, there is another side to this. Which brings me to this idea of his being too close.

I don't think that telling the guy to fuck off was the right thing to do - after all, in his own mind, he probably was just trying to be nice. But I strongly sympathise with this feeling of invasion.

Also, to put it in context, I recognise the type of delivery that Mr Food describes. I share Ringo's feelings about complaints about "hipsters" here, but at the same time I recognise that there are people who feel free to offer the most personal comments to you with barely an introduction. This seems presumptuous and rude, and maybe insincere. Having been in a few situations similar to that which Mr Food describes (a party held by a friend in publishing jumps to mind), I've felt a strong sense of insincerity in much of the conversation there, a sort of veiled marking of status.

I too am making a mess of describing this, as it is a vague sort of feeling. Plus, I want to avoid making my own judgments on "that type of guy", which is as bad.

I'll try a different tack. To approach someone unannounced with a critical comment (good or bad), I feel that I have to be intimate enough with them to make it bearable. There's intimacy around our appearance, our thoughts and movements; they're how we present ourselves to the world. Unless I'm invited to by them, I won't make comment unless I really do want to be rude. Fortunately, this is very rare!

I quite like this thread. Etiquette is invoked in all of our interactions with people, but I rarely think about. I mentioned a while back a lecherous approach that I experienced at a swimming pool, which whilst was funny, made me think, well, how should I have reacted in this situation? (In this case, I just said thank you and ran away.)

Perhaps this is a peculiarly English form of reaction as well. I don't know!

MrFood wrote:

ssakmule wrote:The inner homophobe taking over? might be? could be? is? You were a barry barry rudeboy or not? Let's start a 45 page thread about this now.

I don't understand entirely what you're getting at here. But I don't like it. And if you are getting at what I think you're getting at, you are wildly inaccurate.

For the record, I don't think this kid was gay btw.

Just a joke, I was taking jabs at the Mandroid thread where everyone jumped on her. Nothing implied. Sorry if you were offended.

Next time just say "Excuse Me" and walk away. This isn't a thing to get needlessly, pointlessly hostile about.

Sparky, your post there reminded me that this morning I read this, from today's edition of the New York Times' Metropolitan Diary of Tweeness. I'm not sure why but here it is anyway.

Dear Diary:

Lost in health concerns on my way to the doctor, I was walking up a quiet side street in Park Slope. I was startled from my reverie by an imposing man who roared, “Hey! Hey! Hey!” as he approached. Then, right in the middle of the sidewalk, he threw open his jacket with both hands like a comic-book flasher.

I was thinking that a huge midday madman is what I deserved for not staying alert. He seemed manic as he repeatedly pointed to his chest, and then at mine.

I doubtless looked troubled until truth dawned. His open jacket revealed a T-shirt with a rendition of the great jazz innovator Charlie Parker, alto sax in mouth, wailing away. I had forgotten what I had put on that morning. The man had been thrilled by my John Coltrane shirt, the perfect brother to his.

As he saw realization come over me, he smiled and added, “Bird meets Trane,” and walked on. So much for madmen at midday. Steven Murray

Mr. Food, your response is pobably unique but understandable. I was thinking about starting a thread "How Do You Deal With Compliments?" to discuss the phenomenon of the hordes who rush the stage when I'm done playing a set to say "man you guys were awesome" etc etc. I'm not good at dealing with that and was wondering how others stay in their comfort zone in this situation. Now I guess I'll just use your method.

However, you did miss an opportunity to teach that kid that style minus substance equals shite.

MrFood wrote:Yeah, we know - 'image is everything'....

That's not what I said. I said that almost nobody is truly indifferent to his or her own image.

DRC, that is brilliant. Behaviour that is far too close yet seems from description, utterly appropriate. The music madness caveat, perhaps?

tommydski wrote:Next time just say "Excuse Me" and walk away. This isn't a thing to get needlessly, pointlessly hostile about.

Yeah, but this guy had to be told twice.

Not only that, but he was plainly signaling, with clear social semaphore, that he was sailing on the good-ship moron.

It's a war out there. Idiots are putting the squeeze on the rest of us.

Guy clearly thought he was in a discotheque or some-such.

Tommy Alpha wrote:Yeah, you overreacted. But then you are the PRF's Mr. Angry.

At least he didn't think you were, I dunno, Aphex Twin or something.

From where I sit, it seems like somebody paid you a general, non-sexualized compliment, and you responded by telling him to get fucked. Understandably assuming that you reacted that way because you thought he was being sarcastic, he sought you out to clarify that he was being sincere (which, I have to say, takes a certain amount of courage and consideration on his part), and you responded by again telling him to get fucked.

MrFood wrote:I was sickened. I was blown away that someone who was so incredibly shallow, someone who had come to allow their stupid fucking preoccupations with clothes and haircuts to become the lens through which he sees the world interfere with me and expect me to be cool with it. He just expected me to take it as a compliment. He couldn't see that there are people for whom such trivial concerns are not just boring, but when taken to such lengths as to interfere that person - they find them downright offensive.

How is the "lens" through which you saw this guy any different? You took one look at him and concluded "fruit," "hipster," etc. It seems like you were motivated by the same "stupid fucking preoccupation with clothes and haircuts." For all you know, this guy is a bigger fan of Gang of Four than you. Not that that would make any difference.

Am I missing some sort of context? Because I'm also having trouble wrapping my brain around the concept of being upset that the "great, previously subversive" Devo(!) has been "accepted by the establishment"--in 2-thousand-fucking-8.