Dear Feeding of the 5000,

Thanks for never ceasing to inspire me towards doing whatever the hell I want to do with my own music. Oh...and for the whole ethics thing you did for me.

With Love,
Steve.

I've reviewed your legal briefs (insert joke here) and can appreciate your jurisdictional boundaries. Your retorts are well placed.

I will consider rehearing the complaint that Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain (and possibly all Pavement related product) constituted a toxic tort at a later date as stated in my prior reservation of rights.

Pennypacker, Esq.

Dennis Wilson's Pacific Ocean Blue,

Get fucked. My roommates brought you into our home and you've done nothing but stink up our couch and get fat on our food.

You're a headache in album form. You've got one week. One week. Then you're outta here.

I'm serious.

Go to rehab,
J

Dear GI's You album-

Like the rest of my vinyl, I had to leave you in Austin. It's a tragic thing, it really is. I can only hope you have a good home and understand that I just really, really had to get out of Austin and haven't had the means to send back for you.

You were always my favorite. Your hooks, your tones...every note, every sound just hits me. There were only a handful of people who really appreciated you, and that made my decision to leave that much more painful. But believe me, you're sorely and bitterly missed.

I just need to say I'm sorry, though I know how cheap apologies are. Maybe someday you can find it in your heart to forgive me, though I'll understand if you don't.

Yours Truly-
The Mayor

Dear There's A Riot Goin' On,

Thanks for being the greatest ever. Really. You're just the best. Just the saddest, darkest, funkiest (I said it!), most joyous, deepest thing ever put on tape. I might cry, right here in the middle of the afternoon. I haven't even been drinking!

I am biting my knuckle thinking about the way the bassline in "You Caught Me Smiling" lilts slowly through the air and hypnotises me, so that I don't notice you are cutting my heart out of my chest. How did you do that?

A while ago I tried to think of a better record. I decided that maybe somebody like Mingus might have come close. But, no. You are really the tops, my old friend. The tops!


Regards,
Mr. King

Dear Codeine's Frigid Stars album-

I had a girlfriend in Austin and we used to fuck while listening to you.

Please don't take it personally when I say that I have to place that factoid in the 'No Wonder We Had Problems' file.

In and of yourself, you're a fine and mood setting album. But looking back on it I have to wonder if things woulda maybe been different if I'd thought to have kept a copy of Funhouse around in those days.

Still, it doesn't matter. That girl and those days are long ago and far away. I just want you to know I can listen to you these days and not have it tainted by nostalgia or longing or pining. Sadness, sure, but that's kind of the intent anyways, isn't it?

Sincerely- The Mayor

Dear Punkgasm,

Also, that's a stupid ass name for a record.

Shaun

Dear Zaireeka-

You're difficult, expensive and not worth it.

Find a sucker, sucker!

I Rock!

- The Mayor

Dear Courtesy And Good Will Towards Men,

Where have you been for the past 12 years? I'm so sorry it took so long. Better late than never.

best,

Lee B

Dear Ohkami No Jikan Israel,

mind.

blown.


cheers,

Lee B