lovely.Somnambulist wrote:... "Nice sports Breasts"...
Embarrassing Acts
292Arson Smith wrote:NerblyBear wrote:the urge to drop a couple major deuces
This needs its own name... I propose that henceforth this shall be known as either:
a) dropping a quad
b) dropping a 4-banger
c) (write-in candidate)
c) Logging Out
Marsupialized wrote:Right now somewhere nearby there is a fat video game nerd in his apartment fucking a pretty hot girl he met off craigslist. God bless that craig and his list.
Embarrassing Acts
293barndog wrote:ben wrote:This is so embarassing that I've never even spoke of it before. When I was young I used to think that when a girl gave you head, it meant tht she let you only stick the tip of it in her. I always thought that head must require amazing restraint on the parts of all involved.
I used* to think that when a girl gave you a blow job, she actually blew on your dick.
I just had myself a good laugh remembering that one of our high school buddies admitted that up until junior year he had though that "butt sex" was two people rubbing their behinds together.
* up until like a week ago
Madness waits for some. It creeps up on others.
Embarrassing Acts
294So confused. I did not make that asterixed tiny texted addendum to my last post.
What? Ghosts? Tom Cruise?
What? Ghosts? Tom Cruise?
Madness waits for some. It creeps up on others.
Embarrassing Acts
295OK, so, in 1989 I come down with the Multiple Sclerosis (no, I swear this is going to get funny in a minute)
The entire right side of my body...nothing. This is to include the urination and boner making as well as having stroke face.
I was in intensive care, half paralyzed and unable to see clearly. My neurologist put me on megadoses of steroids which made me unable to sleep more than 30 minutes a day.
The next several weeks were nightmarish to say the least. I was home but hooked up to a cathater. The right side of my face was frozen so I was drooling like a motherfucker. The steroids were causing heavy moodswings. However, I was beginning to get some feeling back in my right side.
After about another month of occupational therapy, I was able to stand using both legs. I could also piss without spraying all over and could finally get hard again. I was still very dizzy from (at this point the withdrawl from) the steroids and was still basically unable to sleep.
My very conservative Luthern farmers wife grandmother called to check on me. This side of my family is very uptight and reluctant to show feelings of any kind. She asks how I'm doing (this is on a speaker phone) and my (ex) wife tells me to tell gramma about my recent good news.
"I can get an erection again".
Comic timing pause. My ex-wife falls on the ground laughing, tears pouring out of her eyes. My grandmother, voice shaking:
"That's...good, I guess"
My grandmother has been gone over 5 years now and the thought of this exchange still mortifies me daily.
The entire right side of my body...nothing. This is to include the urination and boner making as well as having stroke face.
I was in intensive care, half paralyzed and unable to see clearly. My neurologist put me on megadoses of steroids which made me unable to sleep more than 30 minutes a day.
The next several weeks were nightmarish to say the least. I was home but hooked up to a cathater. The right side of my face was frozen so I was drooling like a motherfucker. The steroids were causing heavy moodswings. However, I was beginning to get some feeling back in my right side.
After about another month of occupational therapy, I was able to stand using both legs. I could also piss without spraying all over and could finally get hard again. I was still very dizzy from (at this point the withdrawl from) the steroids and was still basically unable to sleep.
My very conservative Luthern farmers wife grandmother called to check on me. This side of my family is very uptight and reluctant to show feelings of any kind. She asks how I'm doing (this is on a speaker phone) and my (ex) wife tells me to tell gramma about my recent good news.
"I can get an erection again".
Comic timing pause. My ex-wife falls on the ground laughing, tears pouring out of her eyes. My grandmother, voice shaking:
"That's...good, I guess"
My grandmother has been gone over 5 years now and the thought of this exchange still mortifies me daily.
Robert Anton Wilson wrote:The totally convinced and the totally stupid have too much in common for the resemblance to be accidental
Embarrassing Acts
296geiginni wrote:Arson Smith wrote:NerblyBear wrote:the urge to drop a couple major deuces
This needs its own name... I propose that henceforth this shall be known as either:
a) dropping a quad
b) dropping a 4-banger
c) (write-in candidate)
c) Logging Out
Jesus man, that's perfect
Robert Anton Wilson wrote:The totally convinced and the totally stupid have too much in common for the resemblance to be accidental
Embarrassing Acts
297SecondEdition wrote:NerblyBear wrote:One time a few years ago, I was playing golf with a couple of buddies. I suddenly got the urge to drop a couple major deuces. But the bathroom was half a mile away.
I started walking to the bathroom. Then I started sprinting as I realized the deuces were chomping at the bit. Finally, as I was running, I completely sprayed my legs with diarrhea. It was a huge deluge, and it stank so bad.
I had no other option but to walk home, because my buddy had driven us to the golf course. So I walked the two miles or so home with legs and ass completely polluted by brownie mix. By the time I got there the shit had solidified and I had a major rash on my taint due to the scraping of the solidified shit as I was power-walking.
I will never forget that day.
I am laughing so hard that I am coughing.
Coughing.
Oh. My. God.
I'm fucking killing myself! but having to stiffle it in the office. Difficult.
gjhardwick wrote:shut up you massive baptist
Embarrassing Acts
298NerblyBear wrote:One time a few years ago, I was playing golf with a couple of buddies. I suddenly got the urge to drop a couple major deuces. But the bathroom was half a mile away.
I started walking to the bathroom. Then I started sprinting as I realized the deuces were chomping at the bit. Finally, as I was running, I completely sprayed my legs with diarrhea. It was a huge deluge, and it stank so bad.
I had no other option but to walk home, because my buddy had driven us to the golf course. So I walked the two miles or so home with legs and ass completely polluted by brownie mix. By the time I got there the shit had solidified and I had a major rash on my taint due to the scraping of the solidified shit as I was power-walking.
I will never forget that day.
That's why you run for the woods and pay one of your friends 10 bucks to throw his golf towel at you.