A few minutes ago, while searching for an ouroboros ring on eBay, I found what may very well be the best seller profile ever.
About seller
I am a multi-generation witch. I was born in Ireland and later moved to The States with my family where I joined with a local coven who got me into selling on eBay and on some of our items and we transfer paranormal energies vessel to vessel.
I could tell you about how I developed my abilities, but that is a dull story about hard work. Instead, here's a more interesting one from when I was younger:
I find that by having psychic gifts, I am drawn to others who are psychic. Sometimes this is not always for the better...
When I was a teenager, I somehow managed to go out with this good-looking English-Scotch Jew chick. She wasn't Jewish religion, though. She was a Wiccan. I didn't know this going into the relationship, either. She said she celebrated Chanukah, so I assumed she was Jewish. Whatever. So, things go fine for a while, la-di-da, She asks me to go to her house, I say sure. I rode my bike into her apartment complex, and nobody's at her house but her. I was young at the time (15) so I didn't think much of it. She gave me a hug, then told me to take my shirt off. Thinking something fun was about to happen, I did so. She threw me onto the couch and said she'd be right back. A few seconds later, I blacked out.
I woke up and there was a shattered lamp on the ground and I was down to my skivvies, not to mention handcuffed. My arms hurt for some reason, too. Thinking she'd stolen my kidney or something, I was freaking out. I found my kidney was intact. My vision finally unblurred, and she had CARVED STUFF INTO MY ARM. I had a pentagram cut into my left arm, and a snake biting its tail (an Ouroboros to the educated) in my right. I freaked out.
She walked out of her bathroom naked and said something along the lines of a ceremony beginning and she kept calling me Azazel. I asked her WHAT THE *@#% went on, and she said that she was a reincarnation of Lilith, and I was Azazel, her demon lover, but I didn't know it. She sat on my chest and started cutting her arm and letting the blood get all over my face and arms. It was freaking horrific. She was like "NOW THE TRANSFORMATION WILL BEGIN!" I actually was pitching a tent in my pants from seeing my girlfriend on top of me, though I wasn't very happy, and she mounted, and leaned over to kiss me. I bit her in the breast. I ripped off that little bump thing, and I then head-butted her so hard that I couldn't even see. I threw her off me, and she started swinging the freaking knife at me. I groin punted her, and then heel-stomped her in the back of the head. I got the keys, my clothes, and got the heck out of there. Since that day, I've had freaking weird nightmares and dreams about demons and crap. The stupid pentagram and ouroboros were cut deep too, so now they're scarred into my arms. Now I have to explain this story to every single significant other I have. *Sigh*
"To be stupid, selfish, and have good health are three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking, all is lost."
-Gustave Flaubert