cesb wrote:TRIFECTA wrote:pepezabala wrote:I will be father in around two months. I am freaking out a little ¡. I didn't really really want it now, but then it just happened (one time without protection, one fucking time!) and it was around time anyways if I ever wanted to be a father (I am 37 years old already).However at the same time I have a little success with the music and we just got a studio space for our music project granted in a great artist's place ... I had concerts abroad and was looking forward to do more. Now I am like shit, I can't continue with the music thing because I need to be around for my kid. And I feel shitty guilty for thinking like that ... well, as I said, I am freaking out a little ...I had a huge mental ordeal with music/kid/music/kid. It really is a hard thing to try to balance but it is doable. I have only been a dad for a month but, you are a dad when your lady is prego. At first when your baby is just born you will want to never leave. Take a break, dont stop playing music, just maybe cut it back a bit. It is all about balance I suppose.I'm feeling all this kids vs. music anguish. The last time I played music was very shortly after my first daughter was born. There are people out there who can keep the day job, music life and baby things up in the air without dropping anything, and my hat is off to them. Maybe I'm too old or too weak or too lazy, but I really can't conceive (no pun intended) of how to pull off band rehearsal stuff with an infant around. And there's been an infant around for 5 years now, in one form or another. Exhaustion and mental fatique. That's what it is. I'm a crummy multi-tasker. I've been to maybe 4 rock shows in 5 years, and one of them was the fucking Eagles. But I digress. What I'm leaving out is what you've already heard a jillion times. Like everything else, it's what you make of it.

I like that music. I would jam on that stuff for sure.

My son has been born for a bit over a month now and has been home for a week. I still play guitar for a few hours a day. I don't get to play drums yet, cause I fear it may wake him. Newborns sleep A LOT! SHIT!

I also am incredibly depressed because after my band broke up, I have not been able to find anyone else to play with. It sucks. I really just need a drummer and then I'd be golden.

If it's any consolation . . . I have two kids (including a week-old newborn), work a full-time job (as does my wife, though she's on leave), attend an incredibly demanding business school, and go running two or three times a week during my lunch break. It's an incredibly busy schedule, but you know what? I love it, and I feel like I have time for it all.

If you want to play music as dad, you will, although it will be tough at first. You just have to force yourself to make time for the activities you love by eliminating the bullshit activities that eat up whatever free time you have left. And in general, the people who complain most about their lack of free time also watch ungodly amounts of television.

world of pee wrote:advice?To paraphrase someone on TV last week:Don't look down at the business end of things, it's like watching your favourite pub burn to the ground.

amelia wrote:Personally, I wouldn't leave any of my kids alone with any male for any period of time. Abuse is prominant and any sort of prevention is better than none.So, ok, you surely have some sort of first-person story you obviously don't want to tell us. Fine. Sorry for whatever happened to you our yours. Sorry you feel like you have to indict the whole gender and keep all children away from us because you never know. If my sister lived in fear like that she would have had a hell of a time finding a babysitter for my niece back when my sister was an 18-year-old mom trying to go to school and raise a kid. Sorry Dad, you never did anything to me and you were an overall amazing father, but you're not allowed to watch my daughter because you just never know.

amelia wrote:I'm sorry I even posted what I wrote looking back. I wasn't including the father in my statement, but yeah, it could be taken into extremities. My point was that you should be careful who you trust with your kids. It came out the way it did because I'm not very objective about it. But thanks for putting it in perspective.My example was using the grandfather, actually, but i can see how that could have been confused. Anyway, yes, i'd never leave a child of mine with just anyone, that's for sure. 'Sall good.

amelia wrote:I thought you were playing dumb. I think one in twenty is pretty fucking scary. Like I said, I'm bias. Right now I'm working on mental health stats for welfare-to-work participants and it's astonishing how many people are getting supportive services because this shit happened in their families. Talk about ruining lives and breaking families apart especially because people refuse to accept what happened.That is scary. But if i had a kid, i would prefer to trust my gut and figure out for myself who i can trust to take care of my kid when the need arises rather than live in fear of statistics. Maybe i'd feel differently if i were exposed to it on a daily basis like you are (although, to play devil's advocate, i'm sure working in your job can really color your perspective, much like working for customer service for a cable company might cause you to think that every single customer has billing problems), but i can't say for sure.

What it tells me is to not leave my kid with anyone religious. Shit, i knew that already!

amelia wrote:Yes, you got it, the formatting got skewed. And yes that is the point, we don't know who is likely to be a child molester, your gut can't be trusted.It just seems like your alternative is live in fear and don't trust anyone, which i refuse to accept. Please clarify if that's not the case.

goddamn, proving once again that the internet abhors a douche vacuum.it could have been so nice.anyways, congratulations on impending dadness, richard!

Best advice:-Make sure the baby has health insurance. Babies and toddlers get sick often and some ailments are far more severe to youngens than older kids. No excuses for this one.-From an early age, put your babies to bed while they're awake. Let them teach themselves how go to sleep without being held. This is crucial.-Learn to live with interrupted sleep patterns. -Build a llloooonnnnnggg list of possible babysitters. Having multiple fall-backs will greatly improve your quality of life.