Sock OR Muffin? wrote:Lost a condom up in there once. Couldn't find it.X4She was all pissed, "You said you put one on!"

earlier and elsewhere on this forum, I wrote:I once decided to dispose of a condom quietly, in the dark, so as not to wake my (then sleeping) companion. I padded over to the trashcan next to the mantle, navigating the dark room from memory. I bent down to place the condom in the bottom of the trashcan, where it wouldn't be so obvious the next morning.Suddenly there was a bright flash, a loud *CRACK* and my knees got a little spongy.I think I probably said something like "Ungkh...." and my companion sat up and said, sleepily "Is something wrong?" and she turned on the light.I had cracked my head solidly against the corner of the mantle, which was marble. There was a split over my left eye that was gushing blood.I know it was gushing blood, because she said "OH MY GOD..." and did that cute thing girls do where they cover their mouths with both hands and open their eyes REALLY wide.I said "It's fine, I'm fine, it's nothing," and then I passed out.I am VERY SEXYTIME DATE!

Marsupialized wrote:MrFood wrote:In the middle of it with a girl who was definitely how you'd describe as being adventurous and who (normally) liked (fairly) rough treatment, I thought it'd be a nice idea to give her a wee slap round the chops.Wasn't too into that, apparently.Oh man, happened to me.I also thought she was acting like she did not like it as part of the whole, you know, thing.I was seriously worried she was gonna call the cops on me for a little bit there.Y'all need to agree on an effective safe word, like oh shit, the condom's lost!

MrFood wrote:Sock OR Muffin? wrote:Lost a condom up in there once. Couldn't find it.x2x3This makes me feel better, knowing i'm not the only one. Whenever the condom falls off in the midst of mad rutty coitus, i feel a little inadequate despite the lady's obvious enjoyment. Salut, my support group! We should all be using TheyFit brand custom-fit condoms.

Lonesome Bulldog wrote:Getting sexual with something that had fo' paws.always wondered bout your name

noise&light wrote:I know that this Brett Eugene Ralph post has been re-posted and already exists in the EA Hall of Fame thread but I think it bears repeating.Subject: Embarrassing ActsBrett Eugene Ralph wrote:I told this to two colleagues of mine after dinner the other night and they both got totally hysterical. I hope it works as well in print.When I was fifteen or sixteen, me and Bobby Whitaker were riding around in his fucking gorgeous red Chevelle, smoking weed and drinking beers. We ended up down at the boat docks (on the Ohio River), where people generally congregated to party on weekend nights. After prowling the parking lot for a while, Bobby spied this girl he was really into. He suggested that we get her and her friend to ride around with us for a while--the only problem was the girl's friend was big as a house. The hot girl was obviously not going to bail on her friend, so it was a package deal. He begged me to be cool and go along with it, and after hemming and hawing and making him kiss my ass for a while, I finally gave in.So we rode around, smoking and drinking, and I proceeded to get totally blowed out. We ended up back at the boat docks, parked. Soon enough, Bobby and the girl were getting it on hot and heavy in the front seat. I tried to focus in on whatever was blaring out of the radio and ignore the fat chick sitting next to me, who kept trying to make conversation. When the moans and rustling in the front seat became unbearable, I figured, "What the fuck--I might get a hand job out of it," and started making out with the chick. After a while, I had her shirt up and was slobbering all over one of her truly enormous breasts. The weird thing was, I couldn't locate the nipple. I licked all over that fucking thing before I realized that her nipple was still in her bra, which was pressed against my forehead. I'd been totally going to town, sucking on one of her fat rolls.I will buy Black Sabbatical if there is a poem about this incident in it. Can anyone confirm?

Getting sexual with something that had fo' paws.That said, a true story would be pulling out of a girl who was riding me to nut, only to urinate all over her back instead. Fortunately she mistook the spray for a masterload of semen. Thank god for alcohol.

H-GM wrote:Colostomy Bag.Carry on.Well at least the airport didn't make you check it.

Marsupialized wrote:Damn, you sure had a good time at the PRF BBQ.

Lonesome Bulldog wrote:That said, a true story would be pulling out of a girl who was riding me to nut critical...Using a third party's lube because that's all that was available. Sex partner assumed it was mine and dumped me when she found out otherwise. And it get's worse. But I won't talk about that part.