kokorodoko wrote:I'll fully admit that it can be taxing to hear someone's whinging, no matter how much I love them. At the same time I loathe the idea that we're supposed to leave our problems at home and pretend at some kind of normalcy, which we all know is fake anyway. But everyone who knows you, know that that's what you're like, they'll accept it or not. Perhaps it can be helped by deciding that today we'll do something different, talk about something else, then maybe I allow myself to whinge some other day.The point about the last part: We actually do a whole lot of things all the time which are not in any way tied to how we feel. What it seems to me is that when you're in this bad place, you cannot fathom enjoying doing anything, since your mood will color everything. But when you are doing something, that is what is actually going on: You're just walking around, or shopping, or in a bar with other people or whatever.Getting out of one's head is important, I think.catwoman wrote:Every day I start with some idea that TODAY is the day I'll accomplish x, y, and/or z, and pretty much every day I barely get even a start on x, and somehow the day is gone. GAAAH. I'm so STUCK. I know what to do, what I need to do, but the inertia is just all-consuming.At least then you have identified a problem: Inertia. And there is an urge, a will, to change things, even if it fails to materialize. It's a start.This actually perked me up, thanks kokorodoko.I went out tonight with BoyFriend, and met up with a bunch of old friends for dinner, it was exhausting, but fun. I'm planning a meet up with some old gal pals next week, and my old BFF college roommate middle of Feb.for long lunch. So, I'm gonna try.

As a longtime sufferer of depression, I'm skeptical of therapy and enthusiastic about drugs. I've been on Lexapro for a number of years. But I would like to talk to a therapist to get a handle on certain issues related or not to depression per se, if that makes sense. So, can anyone recommend a type of therapy or actual therapist (in Chicago) who is not mumbo-jumbo, not spiritual, but anchored in the real, fact-based world who can help resolve haunting experiences contributing to unhappiness? I'm not talking about any type of abuse or that level or haunting, just a lifetime of perhaps depression- and anxiety-based, counterproductive behavior - I think. I'm not even sure if that's what it is or if I just think that's what it is. Does that make sense? TL;dr: therapist rec anyone?

BrownDirtCowboy wrote:As a longtime sufferer of depression, I'm skeptical of therapy and enthusiastic about drugs. I've been on Lexapro for a number of years. But I would like to talk to a therapist to get a handle on certain issues related or not to depression per se, if that makes sense. So, can anyone recommend a type of therapy or actual therapist (in Chicago) who is not mumbo-jumbo, not spiritual, but anchored in the real, fact-based world who can help resolve haunting experiences contributing to unhappiness? I'm not talking about any type of abuse or that level or haunting, just a lifetime of perhaps depression- and anxiety-based, counterproductive behavior - I think. I'm not even sure if that's what it is or if I just think that's what it is. Does that make sense? TL;dr: therapist rec anyone?I've done decades of talk therapy, and decades of medication.There's value in both, but I agree that probably Cognitive Behavioral Therapy might be a good fit for you. I don't have a referral for you, however, but if you yelp or Google, you may begin your quest that way.

BrownDirtCowboy wrote:As a longtime sufferer of depression, I'm skeptical of therapy and enthusiastic about drugs. I've been on Lexapro for a number of years. But I would like to talk to a therapist to get a handle on certain issues related or not to depression per se, if that makes sense. So, can anyone recommend a type of therapy or actual therapist (in Chicago) who is not mumbo-jumbo, not spiritual, but anchored in the real, fact-based world who can help resolve haunting experiences contributing to unhappiness? I'm not talking about any type of abuse or that level or haunting, just a lifetime of perhaps depression- and anxiety-based, counterproductive behavior - I think. I'm not even sure if that's what it is or if I just think that's what it is. Does that make sense? TL;dr: therapist rec anyone?If you've done any exhaustive reading of this thread, you will know my stance. Drugs without talk are useless. It sounds to me like you could benefit from talking to a Cognitive Behaviorist. It's all about YOU finding logic based ways of dealing with some of the things your feeling. Check out the book Feeling Good. Not nearly as hokey as the title suggests, All about self work. Good luck to you.

This thread is always poppin'.Musicians are really depressed and anxious people, who'd have thought?

I'm an anxiety-ridden, pill-popping lonely little pussy.I fucking hate myself 75% of the time.Meditation needs to help more.

I don't want to go on. I have gone on on absolutely worst conditions, but I'm tired of being this way and living this life. I'm just bored with living, directionless and hopeless.

I've had spells of depression here and there throughout my life, but the ones I've been going through lately are really painful. It is as if the hopelessness matures and evolves along with you, encapsulating all of the previous strategies and overcomings you've used to get out of the dark in the past and rendering them null. Maybe a part of it is that making things (music) no longer seems as fulfilling. I only hope that this is a temporary lapse that leads to a different, more interesting approach to making things. As if my creativity has not caught up with whatever I am as a person anymore.

I struggle with the same things you struggle, kokorodoko, when you are in depression is hard to see that good things are good. It seems simple, really, but the brain doesn't want to accept that tautology. Good things somehow hide some kind of terrible reality...Well, that's a delusion! The terrible things aren't there, really. I have given up on predicting how any aspect of my life is going to go on, it's always different than how I thought about it. Maybe the problem is that we ask some kind of catharsis out of everything that happens to us and, really, most things that happen just... happen, and are normal and they pass and you move on.

All those optimistic thoughts seem like complete tosh. Like something I just tell myself in order to be able to bear. I have been in good places lately. I am thinking hey, this works. Things can actually be different. Then I am in that other place again. I am thinking what a fool you are. We've been over this again and again. Why do you think you can wish those things away? Why don't you look for help? Why didn't you like, a year ago? Imagine where your life could be now. You know more than well how much your brain is trying to sabotage you with these negative, obsessive thoughts, why haven't you learned?Well, in better times, it actually looks like those things go away. The problems are not as much of problems anymore. Because how can I feel happy, if I am really depressed? How can things be so hard at one time and so effortless at another? Who is the real me?In the long term, there is the issue. I picture myself as a bitter middle-aged man, cursing my loss of the life I am right now unable to grasp. It is my ultimate horror. So of course I don't want to think about the future. Not in those moments that I actually feel alive.The people in my life, will soon disappear from my life. And so it goes and so it repeats. I hardly even treat anyone I get to know as if they will remain in my life. I hardly even remember how to do that.With every step that looks to lead forward, it is only that more apparent how far away I am from the sort of life I want. With every moment that I feel close to another soul, it is only that more apparent how distant I feel otherwise.I am so god damn tired of this.