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by VaticanShotglass_Archive
Moving out of the apartment I've shared with my wife for six years at her request. It sucks. It was home more than anywhere. I don't have enough room in the borrowed minivan to fit anything but essentials. Other than the packing, it's almost been a fun week hanging out with her again. It seems like everything is normal and good, but I think she is just in a good mood because I'm leaving. She really put a lot on my depression and agoraphobia, which I know has been miserable to live with. She says things like, you just never got better and suggesting that the failing of our relationship is so much down to my mental health problems. I know that's not true. There were other problems, but she's really latched on to this issue. It's hard not let that assessment strike right into the center of my fears about myself and what I can or can't achieve. I've been couch surfing for a year or so. Im running pretty low lately. I make progress, but then things cave in. And her hammering on my health problems as the reason doesn't want to be with me (this separation is the hardest thing I've faced emotionally) just keeps fucking with me. I've been trying so hard for two years to get back on my feet after my break down and I just keep losing ground. I know I should put her words into perspective and not let them get me all fucked up. I just feel so overwhelmed. My parents keep lying to people to cover up what is going on with me. My dad can't even comprehend depression as a thing. I'm so tired now. I know I'm not making much sense anymore. I know it's a mess. I know no one wants to read this stuff. I should be better by now. I should be making progress. And so on. No one has to respond to this. I don't respond to all these posts in these threads. It's raw stuff. I'm glad people share here, though. I need to go hit the sack. I hope something