There's a mother and a young daughter walking down the street one day, and they see two dogs fucking. The daughter says, "Mommy, what are they doing?" and the mother says, "Oh, they're just making doughnuts. Let's go."

That night, the mother and the father fuck on the couch in the TV room after the daughter's gone to sleep. When they're finished, they go to their room.

The daughter has a nightmare, walks down the stairs in the middle of the night, and walks through the TV room to her parents' bedroom. She wakes up her mom, tells her she had a nightmare and the mom comforts her. After a while, the daughter asks, "Mommy, were you and Daddy making doughnuts tonight?" The mom, mortified, says, "No, why would you think that?" The daughter says, "Because I tasted the frosting on the couch."

A horse walks into a bar.The bartender says, "Hey! Why the long face?"The horse says, "I have clinical depression."- Season 5 of Bojack Horseman

total\_douche wrote:I've been struggling with analysis paralysis and guilt; guilt for being attracted to people, mostly. I overanalyze my relationships with people I might consider pursuing, by that I mean the potential power dynamics, whether or not acting on my attraction could be construed as creepy or manipulative, whether it's okay for me to be attracted to anyone at all, whether or not my biological urges are inherently evil, and the only conclusion I can come to is that I'm a piece of shit. At the same time, he-man fag-hatin' gitcherassinthekitchen dudes don't think about it and generally do what they want without thought of repercussion. And most of my feminist friends are dating that kind of dude, their own frustration be damned, but bear in mind that I live in a fairly rural part of the Wisconsin/Minnesota border land, and that's just how most of the dudes are - who am I to judge someone for dating who is available? People's reasons for attraction are complicated, and sometimes I forget that.I don't want to hijack the thread and maybe you consider this played out, but I think this touches on so many important points that I want to say something about it.That kind of self-consciousness, struggle even, that you describe is healthy. Guilt is not. If you have a tendency to overanalyze to begin with it is easy to see how these other things can plant all sorts of anxieties in your head. But this sort of obsessiveness is a problem in itself. I am nowhere near finding a solution to this, just saying they can probably be separated. There is no reason why you couldn't be considerate and conscious and all of that while remaining spontaneous.The rest of your post, and the articles you linked to, tells me that you are asking: What if this is not enough? What if despite my efforts women will still choose the chauvinist guy, and so on? And the answer to all of those should be: So what if? Like, the relationship thing can have numerous explanations. People are not consistent, people are contradictory. Some people end up in abusive relationships over and over, it's not because they want to be abused.But a much more important reason why we should ask so what, is that those are ultimately beside the point. Those kinds of anxieties betray a wish that one's feminism will gain one favour with women. And obviously that is not the reason you should be a feminist, or work on your behaviour in that regard.Now it is not odd why someone thinks like this. As men, we are pretty much schooled to seek the approval of women in everything we do. Your status among other men is dependent upon your status among women, even. A man who is not desired by women is not a complete man.That one is nominally a feminist doesn't mean that the conditioning goes away - the idea of what a man should be, and thus what you feel you have to live up to, continue to hang over your head.In the context of being a feminist though, this shouldn't need to enter into the picture. The expectation, however faint, that what you're doing will bring you extra favour with women is a sure path to catastrophe, and to all kinds of passive-aggressive vileness down the line. Women's liberation is for the sake of women's liberation and nothing more.BUT, this entails changes in one's own behaviour as well. Perhaps only slight, perhaps more radical. For me personally, it was clear early on that feminism offered a means of escape from the masculine straitjacket. HERE however problems begin.Because yeah, should you go down that road, and decide you're no longer going to participate in those stupid rituals and so on, you WILL get shit from men AND women. But once again we're not out to please anyone.Women are going through hell to get to the point where they can live life on their own terms, we shouldn't expect smooth sailing. And it is hard to do alone. Women have succeeded because they banded together. Men who are seeking change in this way should do the same.I have a plan in the works to gather young men together precisely to talk about these things seriously. Sort of like those consciousness-raising groups they had in the '70s. Is it even remotely realistic to think that young men will be willing to be that open with each other? I can hope.It would also be good to have more honest conversations men-to-women about these difficult questions of desire and expectations and those other confusing things.But yeah ha ha, honest conversations? Who am I kidding.

I was with my children at the zoo last week and we came across a baguette in a cage.Which was odd until the zoo keeper explained it was bread in captivity.

A photon was checking into a hotel. The desk clerk asks if he wants any help with his bags. The photon says, "No thanks, I'm traveling light"

Once upon a time, in the land between the ocean and the mountains, there lived a people who were positively unsatisfied with everything. In their dissatisfaction with the universe, they had enslaved themselves to kings, further enslaved themselves to a religion that promised an end to suffering (but was used as justification for inflicting the same kind of suffering), and, of course, they had invented and enslaved themselves to an economic system that they hated, which kept them in absurd poverty. In short, they were a miserable, plague-ridden people. And they were certainly jealous. They looked across the ocean, where the land was filled with trees; beyond the mountains, where the water and snow were pure; to the south, where the grass was long and yellow, and saw that the rest of the world's people were happy and prosperous, with neither scarcity nor want for resources. These great people decided, wisely, that something must change. But because their misery was so great, and the difficulty of conquering it was so impossible, they decided it would be much easier (and cost-effective) to conquer the rest of the world instead, so that everyone might be equally miserable. Thus was born the modern cost-benefit analysis.

They say that too much screen time is bad for a child's development, but I don't know... they used to say the same thing about reading Mad Magazine and that never did me any harm.

Anthony Flack wrote:They say that too much screen time is bad for a child's development, but I don't know... they used to say the same thing about reading Mad Magazine and that never did me any harm.It took me a few minutes to get this one. Salut!

A woman is sitting at her deceased husband s funeral. A man leans in to her and asks, œDo you mind if I say a word? . œNo, go right ahead , the woman replies.The man stands, clears his throat, says œPlethora , and sits back down. œThanks , the woman says, œthat means a lot Recruitment agent rang me and said œhow do you feel about voluntary work I said œI wouldn t do it if you paid me Went to the doctors and said œI have a problem, every day at 6.30 I do a dump The doctor said œwhat s the problem œI said œI don t wake up til 8.30 Went in to a pet shop and asked for a wasp.Chap said we don't sell waspsI replied, œBut you've one in the windowMy daughter asked for a pet spider for her birthday. Went into the pet shop and the chap was charging ‚¬200!Fuck that. I'll get one cheaper off the web.We were all pretty sad at Grandad's funeral when we were told he was killed by a Tennis Ball.Still, it was a lovely Service.I went to a party for meteorologists yesterday. Lovely atmosphere.A bank robber pulls out a gun and points it at the teller, and says, Give me all the money or you're geography! The puzzled teller replies, Did you mean to say, 'or you're history?' The robber says, Don't change the subject!Why is no one ever the right amount of whelmed?Hospital: Hello sir, we have your wife here. She's critical.Me: Yeah, she's like that, get used to it.I've just built a model of Mount Everest.Is it to scale?No, it's just to look at.

What does a drummer use for birth control?His personality.